Faceboogers

[Philyra]

  In the world of social networking there are facebookers and there are faceboogers.  Facebookers are your average run-of-the-mill social networking users.  They connect with friends, catch up on news (or gossip) post family pictures, etc.  Faceboogers are a different breed entirely.  To the facebooger, social networking sites are the vehicle to all manner of evil.  It's the portal through which they force all their drama, chaos, and usually useless information on the general public.  There are many classifications of faceboogers, but the main four are as follows:  

Facebooger #1: The News Anchor

  This facebooger is notorious for broadcasting news that is not their own, i.e. birth announcements, break-ups, who's gay and who's not.  This is a person who has no problem announcing to the world that her roommate got engaged last night even before the bride-to-be can get word to her parents.  

Facebooger #2: The Paparazzo

  This facebooger goes hand-in-hand with facebooger number one.  With the ability to take and post pictures from virtually anywhere, facebooger number two has risen (or maybe fallen) to new levels of evil.  The Paparazzo facebooger never misses an opportunity to post an unflattering picture of you online.  You take a bite of food and *SNAP* there's a picture of you with a mouthful of bacon cheeseburger tagged under the heading "Oink! Oink!"  Or there's a picture of you asleep and drooling on your way back from Florida.  Evil, I tell you.

Facebooger #3: The Thespian

  You know this one.  There's one on every friends list.  This drama seeker spends his/her time trolling the internet looking for an opportunity to stir up trouble.  Their status updates usually include a comment about "haters," and they have the uncanny ability to spread misinformation like plague.  Thespian faceboogers like to post on the walls of friends things like, "Message me later and I'll tell you what X said about you."  They know X will see the post, and thus the drama unfolds.  Like a villain in a Shakespeare play, this facebooger thrives on deception and chaos.  If they can't find it on their own, they'll create it.  

Facebooger #4: The Victim

  This facebooger is incapable of letting you forget, even for a moment, the pitiful shape they are in.  It's one thing for a person with a serious terminal illness to create a Caring Bridge page in order to keep loved ones informed.  It's another thing to bombard your friends with a never-ending list of ailments, trials, and woes.  Most people have no problem when a friend posts asking for thoughts and prayers because they're not feeling well.  However, when all your status updates read like The Mayo Clinic Medical Anthology, it's just a tad much.  It may seem unsympathetic, but most folks don't really care to read about how your doctor diagnosed you with Purple Polka-Dot Liver Disease, on top of your toe-nail fuzz, on top of your lack of elbows, on top of your allergy to anything softer than a marshmallow.   

  Most faceboogers are unavoidable.  If you have more than three friends, you likely have at least one of these on your friends list.  If you don't have more than three friends, it's probably because you are one.

 

 

 

[sgr123]

Jul. 6, 2011 at 10:54 AM

Is it odd that I don't have anyone like this on my friends list?

[Philyra]

Jul. 6, 2011 at 10:58 AM

Not odd, maybe just lucky!

(Original Poster)

[sgr123]

Jul. 6, 2011 at 10:59 AM

Yeah, I would say I am pretty lucky with my friends.  :-)

[corkygirl]

Jul. 6, 2011 at 12:03 PM

LOL Yes I have seen them all. 

[Philyra]

Jul. 6, 2011 at 1:46 PM

It seems that no matter how many times I purge my FB, I still have a few of these jokers hanging around. 

(Original Poster)

[barrerajuls]

Jul. 6, 2011 at 5:09 PM

I have a nephew that catches pics of his cousin and post them ,, and they usually pay eachother back and forth they use the same laptop so if someone leaves their fb open they post eachother some pretty nasty status ,,, I would die.  and then I have a few fam members who say " you know who" ,, and text me about " u know who"

[samboy]

Jul. 6, 2011 at 5:26 PM