Why doesnt she leave? (story of a survivor)

[JrsMommy07]

You know that may seem like an easy thing to ask from the outside. In fact I used to watch movies and see stories and the news and I would think to myself "Why didnt she just leave?" or "How can anyone loves someone like that?: I used to wonder what could possibly stay with or go back to a man who kept beating her up physically and emotionally. And then I met Joe. I was 19. He was 35. But he loved me. Or i thought he did. Well We moved in together. It was ok for a few months then the verbal abuse started. I thought, hey he grew up in abusive home himself (RED FLAG) so he doesnt know any better. We had our first son about a year later and the physical abuse started the day after he was born. I chalked it up to stress. Of course he appolgized and i forgave him. It was all down hill from there. One night,  when our oldest son was 6 months old I finally got fed up with him hitting me and I called the police. They took him to jail. I should have taken the opportunity to leave but instead I took him back, dropped the charges and beilived that jail and the counselling he would be ordered to go through would help him change and be a better man for his family. And you know what? he did change. For about a week. Actually he didnt even hit me a whole month, but during that time the verbal abuse was worse then ever. So bad sometimes that I would beg him to hit me instead because that was a quick pain and it ended faster. Well to make a long story we had another child. he hit me throught the pregnancy and one time the doctor even asked me what happened to my eye when we went in for a checkup. I lied of course and told her I was wrestling with my older son and he had kicked me accidently. The abuse just kept getting worse. You know the cycle abuse appolgize stop for awhile, repeat. Well on our sons first bday which was also his birthday, he left for the night.  The next weekend he left for 3 days. I found out he had been drinking and cheating. I had already been thinking of leaving. But still I gave him one more chance. I was trying to keep our family together. I was scared. I couldnt do it on my own. It wouldnt be fair to the kids.  I had no place to go excuses excuses. By this point it was no secret, even though I had concinced myself that it was. Well or course he appologized and I took him back. The next weekend he went out to do a tattoo. So he said. When he didnt come back two days later, I knew. I took all the money out of the checking account. Bought two greyhound tickets (the baby was free) and packed eveything that I could fit. I took my kids and got on a greyhound. We rode for 28 hours from MN to TX. I stayed with family for awhile and then went into a shelter. I have been away from him since October. I now have my own place and the shelter is paying the rent . I have a job and I am doing well taking care of my kids. I no longr cry myself to sleep everynight and I have become a confident woman. My children (the main reason i didnt leave) are doing much better now. They are happier and no longer scared for mommy. Sure my oldest son asked about his dad at first but now he undersatnds.  We have been happier in the last nine months then we were in the whole 5 years that I was with him.Leaving is extremely dificult. But once you do trust me it is so much better. Everyone has their own excuses and reasons for staying. Any everyone has their breaking point. Mine was when I found he was not only cheating but had relapsed. I knew if he was that abusive sober he would kill be when he was high. To be honest all you can do if you have a freind or family member in that situtaion is to pray for them and be there for them anyway you can. convince them to leave do not push. Offer support and love. And mommas if you are in that situtaion please know that you CAN DO IT! It will be hard. YOu will cry. You will want to go back. but dont you can do it! I did and so have thousands of others! REFUSE TO BE A STATISTIC! I just wanted to share my story and reach out to others.... Sorry for such a long post.

[momofkids]

Jul. 10, 2011 at 10:03 PM

Thank you for sharing.  You are a brave woman.  Keep doing what you are doing.  Someday your children will know what a strong woman you truly are.