I went to the dr for the first time at 10 wks. I had an ultrasound, saw the heartbeat, and confirmed my due date. I then went back at 14 wks and heard the heartbeat again. I went to urgent care for a sinus infection around July 2nd. They looked for the baby's heartbeat. The first nurse couldn't find it. She kept finding my heartbeat. A second nurse came in (my sister in law who is also pregnant) she looked for the heartbeat also. She said she found it at 132 beats per minute. (I wonder if she really did though.) I went back to my dr July 13th for my 18 wk appt. That morning when I went to the bathroom right before my appt and I had brown discharge like old blood. I told the nurse when I got to my appt. When my dr came in I was already laying down. I started to sit up and he said to just stay laying down and we would do the heartbeat first. He asked me how far I am. I told him 18 wks. He put his hand on my belly and asked me if I was sure. I said yeah that's what my calculations are. He looked for the heartbeat for about 20 seconds. He then said let's go across the hall and just take a look. As soon as he started the ultrasound I knew. I saw the baby and no heartbeat right away. He kept looking to see if somehow he could find a heartbeat. He began to tell me the baby no longer has a heartbeat and is not the size of an 18 wks baby. He measured the baby and said it had stopped growing at 13 wks. I myself had noticed many things that weren't right 1 being I couldn't feel my uterus and by now I should be able to. I just kept pushing that to the back of my ming though. But that is why Dr Sloan asked me if I was sure when I told him I was 18 wks.

3 days later I have come to a point to where I'm not crying all day long. The mornings seem to be the hardest. I haven't been getting out of bed until around noon. I know I am ready for this all to be over. This has been the longest 3 days of my life and the 3rd day has just begun. I called my dr yesterday to get scheduled for a d&c but he said he couldn't get it scheduled this week and to call them on Monday. I understand I'm not the only person out there going through this. So I understand him not being able to get it scheduled. I would just love to know how long this is going to last. I'm not in a ton of physical pain. I have some low back pain and cramping off and on. I'm bleeding some but not much at all and that's about it. Not enough that I think ok this is almost over. I feel like it has hardly begun. The hardest part is knowing I am pregnant but my baby is dead. I don't even know how to get past that feeling.

I don't feel that my dr has done anything wrong. Right now our 2 hospitals are working out of 1. He has instructed me to go to the hospital if I have a list of things happen. If I would have asked him for this on Wednesday when I found out he would have been able to schedule a d&c but since I waited until Thursday he couldnt get it scheduled this week. It's all about timing. He told me that it would take a couple of days to get it scheduled unless it became an emergency. If it does become an emergency then I am supposed to go to the hospital. I am aware of what most likely will happen naturally. I have done plenty of research including looking at pictures. If it happens naturally this weekend then that is what happens. If it doesn't then I will be calling first thing Monday morning.

I am just ready for this to be OVER!

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Comments:

anich...
Jul. 15, 2011 at 2:24 PM

So sorry sweetie, this is not an easy time for you, I've been there myself! try to keep your mind busy on something else, get lost in a book or something, maybe time will go faster. Hang in there sweet heart!

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evwsq...
Jul. 15, 2011 at 4:20 PM

I'm so sorry. Words can't express it. I hope that you continue to reach out for support and take whatever is offered to you.

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hopin...
Jan. 31, 2012 at 4:02 AM

I lost a baby at 18 weeks in 2008. It was really hard. I'm sorry for your loss.

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