Ok, so things have been a little difficult at home...Eric and I have been together for 7 years now, and I love the man so it amazes me sometimes.  He's a great dad. But the last few months he has started drinking again, and he's not a very nice person to me when he's drunk. When he's drunk he's crude, insulting, and just downright mean.  He says things that are so cruel and crude sometimes, I could never repeat them...He'll be fine, his normal great dad self, with the kids. He'll be fine with anyone else, but me, when he's drinking I might as well wear a target. It's never gotten physical, tho he makes threats.  When he's sober, he's great - sweet, kind....or used to be. More recently his bad drinking attitude has been starting to carry over into days when he's sober also.  Not so much the cruel and crude, it's his mean sense of humor. He constantly cracks jokes on things that he knows are hurtful to me. When I call him on it, he says he's just joking and I should lighten up.  I love him so much, but I just don't know how much more of the rollarcoaster I can take......

And just when I thought my brain was in enough chaos - back into my life comes Steve.  Steve is my high school ex , and we stayed friends or years after we broke up.He joined the military and we lost touch for a few years.  We just found each other on facebook and have been talking again.  Prioblem is - it stirred up memories and , uhoh, feelings I thought weren't there anymore.  I find myself thinking about him all the time - he was that 'one who got away', you know. It's not that he's hit on me or anything - theres been no flirting or whatever, andit's not his fault my brain is trying to get me....  

Oh to be 5 again - when the most difficult thought was what flavor ice cream to have...and decisions and even just thoughts weren't lifechanging....

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