I've been away...

[ladyauthor2b]

 I've been away...A long, long time... What has it been? Six months? A year?  I use to log in to venture into a writing group...for fun; creativity... but the will to write has smothered dry like a wet blanket over embering coals.  I use to look up groups here for those cute, creative name siggys and get many... but now the ones I obtained are somewhere safe on photobucket until further use. I once perused menu groups; but don't cook much now.

I tried reaching out to others to make new friends here, some did become just that, while others replied once and then never again. Oh well... such is the ratio in my life. 

It seems  I have lost a lot of my move forward gumption simply because this year has been too hard on me emotionally. Let me explain it all: My mom was sick. My daughter / kids in another state were sick.. all in January and February. Mom went into the hospital in March I think. Daughter caught walking pneumonia.  We had to put my stepdad in a nursing home that he hated. Then mom came out of the hospital to move into my youngest daughter's room and she moved into her empty house with her beau.  We played flip flop with the furniture to make them both comfy and acquired a storage shed to put up the stuff we didn't know what to do with yet.

Daugher with the pneumonia wound up with meningitis on top of that and wound up in the hospital, I think in April. I visited her for a week, taking care of her house; kids and cleaning her house. Came home to adjust again, hoping she 'd get better because I really had thought I would have lost her, but she did have to get on oxygen and then her mom-in-law went to help her out after I had to return to my state and my job.  Thank goodness. 

 Then at the end of May, around my anniversary, my step dad, out of the blue, passed away and we had to deal with an unplanned funeral, with very rude relatives (on his side of the family), who despised my poor mom and didn't offer one lick of help to pay for anything, not even the one son who came down to see his dad one last time.  To curb expenses, we had elected to have the body cremated, and both he and his real sister (who couldn't make it because of having surgery) fought over any left over belongings and what to do with the ashes afterwards. I told them they should split them and that way they both could carry a bit of him. I was content with memories.. and the wishfulness that people should be better behaved under trying circumstances. 

Then after that dust settled down, my daughter, who had been ill, got into a car wreck. Totaled the car; she broke her thumb. The 15 -month-old lost her bottom two front teeth that she had been born with, but all in all, we were grateful they were still alive. So with all that duress, she decided to come visit me for 3 1/2 weeks to get away from it all;

and in the June, I had fun playing nana and having some real quality time with my daughter without the stoic son-in-law around.  We traveled a bit in the area, visited a zoo, a historic site, and ate some mexican food. We drank wine and had a lot of good conversation. However, this short luck wouldn't last. On the weekend she was to depart, one of my three chiujuajuas got out into the front yard. Bella , having freedom, decided to roam down the block and step out onto a busy roadway. She was promptly struck down in her prime of only 4 years old. So sad to find her on the road with a bashed in head. I knew she wouldn't make it and she died wrapped in a towel in my arms. So sad. So very, very sad. I loved that dog.

When my daughter flew home, I thought things would quiet down some.  But it didn't.

Two days later, after a long day at work, i decided to go to bed early. I had been feeling poorly with an achy tummy and a headache. I had barely settled down for a rest when I heard pounding on my front door. Now what? I answered and the neighbor informed me that a truck had ran into the back end of my son's parked car near the curbside. No one had been in the truck.

As luck would have it, the guy on the corner house had come home, thought he had set the truck into gear, locked the door and went inside his house. Then his truck, sitting on an incline, rolled down the street just to colide into my son's car on the rear end, damaging the trunk and knocking out a rear tail light.  I called my son on the cell. Told him to come home now. I called my hubby. No answer. i left a message for him to come home. 

Then, I looked down at myself , very aware that I was standing there in a tank top and shorts, wearing no bra, as I conversed with several neighbors who had come to investigate what had happened. I had to "contain" the loose girls underneath, so excused myself to go inside my house again. The two dogs I had left were anxious to get outside, seeing there was a commottion going on, so to nick another escape, I took them to the back yard, like I had done a million times before and thought nothing else about it.

My son came home. Saw what happened to his car. He took insurance info with the owner of the truck. I suggested he should take pics of the car and he began to trot to the door, but then detoured to the back yard, shouting out my favorite dog's name in a panic, "tiny!!!" Now what?

i rushed forward, but his best friend had already run passed my son, jumped over the fence, and handed over something to my son. I didn't want to know what it was, feeling a dread come up my spine , but my son rushed to the front patio, just to lay my dog on the ground. He was rasping for air. There were no marks on his body with blood, but i could see the poking up of his ribs. I realized that somehow, for some unknown reason, he had decided to make an escape from the backyard, hearing all of us up front talking. Instead of climbing below the fence to get to the front, which was impossible as it's lined with obstacles, he found an opening to the neighbors yard and went under it.... just to be snatched upon by two large pit bulls. 

 I guess it happened just as my son made his way to the house. He said he heard something and that's why he investigated.  But I couldn't think anymore.. I couldn't breathe anymore. I just stood there shaking in tears. One of my neighbors suggested he might be in shock, so poured cold water on him. He shuddered. He gasped. He rasped. His eyes were set looking foward and his toungue was hanging out.. and then he went very still. At that moment, I think I died inside.

Tiny had been my favorite dog for the past 5 1/2 years. I had raised him from a puppy. He was black and white like a cow. he was so friendly to everyone he ever encountered. He had a crazy way of sticking out his toungue to rest on the side of his mouth as watched you. it gave him character.  If you yowled out "My puppy" like a siren, he would immitate you, singing back "Ah ooooooo!!!" He had one sound for me. and one sound for my hubby. As if he knew we'd want it that way.... And now, he was gone. My soul went up to heaven with him.

And in the midst of this commotion, my hubby was having his own problems. He had tried to rush home, having had stopped at the automotive store to pick up new plugs before he came home. His truck has been acting up that morning, but my urgent message prompted him to just leave the store without them. He got all the way to the end of my street, six blocks up, when his truck died.

Luckily, someone recognized him and gave him a toll the rest of the way home... and when they unlinked and they went on their way, he came to see his dog lying on the ground. Before he could react, someone shouted to him, "Your truck is on fire!!" And it was. The carberator was smoking and in flames, burning some valve behind it. The fire extinquisher we had in the truck wouldn't work. The one in our kitchen didn't do anything either, but we managed to put it out with water from a garden hose. 

I don't think there could have been a worse day in our entire lives. The neighbor never apologized for his dog's actions, claiming our dog got into HIS yard.  We called the animal control just to ensure his dogs did have tags. Since they had pounced on a dog and not a person, there really wasn't anything they could do about it. So now I have to live next door to a couple with no remorse; apology; or an offer to do anything, even to help fix the damn fence. I have to eyeball those ugly , gray/black spotted mongrels everyday from now on.. and carry an emptiness inside. I miss my dog Tiny and every day, I still cry over him.

Did i mention this all happened around the 4th of July weekend. So now it's mid-august. And now my mom is complaining of abcess in her gums and hurting, bad bottom teeth. I took her to the dentist, which referred her to the oral surgeon...  the cost of the surgery will be $1400 as she has no insurance.. I have $800 on a credit card paid down... but the rest , we'll have to pay. She can't be scheduled until August 22nd unless a cancellation comes sooner for the amount of time needed to pull out seven front teeth and a molar under sedation.  Nine more days of suffering for her. She can't eat and the abscesse are really painful She is on antiobiotics but I need to get more plus pain pills. I must remember to call the dentist or the oral surgeon to get her more drugs. poor mom.

And so... thus far.. are the reasons for me being away.  Can you blame me?

I think right now, just words of prayer would be appreciated. I must have angered God somehow for all this craziness in my life right now... but I don't give up on him.. or on prayers. I happen to live in Texas admist this horrible drought. Around me, people are dealing with fires; lakes are drying up; wells are depleting; the farmers are in trouble.  I know they are suffering too.. so would you pray for them too? Times are hard... but I refuse to give up.

I keep thinking there are reasons for what we endure. I think my inner layer is getting a tougher skin. Maybe for more harder times to come? We'll see.

[warmcoffee]

Aug. 19, 2011 at 8:34 AM

OMG ladyauthor2b - so much has happened - so sorry about all you've gone through and endured. Glad your daughter and grand are still with you.  So, so, so sorry about your dad and your dogs- both of them -  and I can't stand pit bulls, I think they should be illegal - people say it depends on how they are raised - I disagree - I think their particular breed is rigged to be in the pen with the bulls (I heard they were used to take down bulls) - anyways I do not think they belong in a residential neighborhood of any kind.  I do not think you angered God (although I understand how you feel regarding that thought, as I thought it at one time in my life too) - I am a part of the writer's group you mentioned - and hope you will drop in from time to time - you don't have to commit to any admin duties (yes, you're still listed as admin.) - but if you're not ready, we understand.  

What brought me here to your jounal is there is a new member in the group by the name lady_author, and I thought it was you with a new name until I checked and saw you're still here as, well, you.  Anyways, this has been long enough and just want to let you know prayers and positive thoughts are being sent your way and hope you soon experience blessings of joy and prosperity.

"I learned there are troubles of more than one kind. Some come from ahead, others come from behind. But I've bought a big bat. I'm all ready, you see. Now my troubles are going to have trouble with me." -- Dr. Seuss  

"Find your rock, hold on to it, and don't let go." -- S.T.