Thoughts.

[heratyc]

It's been two months since I've heard from my husband.  He lost the house, found a place for himself and told me and the baby "good luck on the streets"......  Because of his selfishness, brough on because he didn't think I had a good enough job to support his habits, I have had to move myself and the little one two states away from home to live with family.  I don't know if anyone will ever read this, and it doesn't matter, but if anyone does, and they've had to move in with family, they will understand what I'm going through.  I have yet to find a job, and I've been living here for nearly 3 months now, so much for a "recovering" economy.  So now I'm stuck in someone else's house all day, cleaning up after any guest they have over, which is usually my sister and her family.  I have no money, so I can't buy my daughter the things I want to anymore, although I am very grateful to those in my family who pick up the slack.  My husband is refusing to divorce me because he thinks that if we're still married, he won't have to pay child support...according to the lawyer, he'll soor realize how wrong he is.  Even though he refuses to divorce me, it hasn't stopped him from having a full and active social life with the woman he's baan having an affair with for the past 6 months, and who he still denies he's seeing, but the late night calls when they're having sex kind of make it difficult to buy into his bullshit.  I have no privacy here, as I am living with my parents, and they have, for the most part, reverted to treating me like a teenager which doesn't work for me because I'm almost 30 and wouldn't even be here if I had a decent husband.  I know that most of this is complaining, but I had to let it out somewhere, and telling family doesn't work.  Of course my whole family is thrilled that I'm back, and have decided that I should already be over this whole "marriage thing" because they haven't liked him for a while......it's been three months, of course I'm not over it, and I would rather be on my own, but the job I had didn't pay enough for me to pay any kind of rent, much less any other bills, and I was let go when word got out that I was looking for a second job on top of the one I had.....  One day I'll look back on all this and laugh, but until then, I want my family to let ME parent my child, not take it into their own hands just because it's not the way they would have done.  I'm so sick of people trying to hit my child simply because it's the way they raised their kids 30 years ago, or because it's the way they would have raised their kids if they'd ever had any.  I'm her mother, I'm in charge of correcting her, and if I say don't spank my child, then the first hand laid on her will be broken.  Don't correct me in front of her, it's not anyone's choice but mine.  And with that I'm tired of typing.