I have no idea what I am doing! I'm 19, living where I don't wanna be, doing nothing with my life, and thinking WAY too much about EVERYTHING!
My heart pounds every time I look at my daughter because I don't know what I'm doing. I'm only 19, I don't know how to raise a child. I should be in school, making friends but I'm here in a small room laying on a bed with my daughter and fiance. God, I love them both so much and I do not want to let them down but I have no idea what I'm doing. I can't cook for my man, or know what to do in a panic situation for my daughter.
I'm so scared I'll go into some kind of depression and the thing is that I am too ashamed to admit that I think I'm already there. I feel so anxious, and terrified, alone, and panicked. Above all, I miss my mother. I knew I'd need her but I need her to the point where when I think of her I wanna cry because I just want her to rub my head, tell me it'll be okay, I'll do fine, and she loves me.
If I could go back I wouldn't change a thing, because I love my girl, and I love my man and I wouldn't want a life without them. My fiance and I have a plan but I still feel lost. I feel like the woman in the scene of Pearl Harbor when Japan attacks and people are being brought to the hospital. After they find their friend dead but have no choice but to keep moving forward and all around her people are screaming, running, and she's standing still crying and looking at everyone saying I don't know what to do but no one is looking at her.
I will get through this, I know. I will get happier, I know. I will raise my daughter best I can, I know, but how do I get past this as fast and painless as possible??
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