Communication Assignment - Learning

[LorelNicolette]

The fourth section of the reflective communication paper deals with what I have learned as a result of the experience. 

The previous section dealt with my actions and choices at the time.  It can be found here.

In this section I'm supposed to share how I feel about the experience now, and what it has taught me about myself and others.    

Learning

It's been four years since my son was born.  My feelings have evolved, and are now to a place of acceptance and understanding.  When I first learned that my experience could have gone differently I was very angry with everyone who was involved; my midwife, the doctors, the nurses and my husband.  I felt as though the people with more experience took advantage of my husband's and my ignorance.  I felt as though they could have been better about finding out what we wanted and needed. 

Now that time has gone by, I have come to realize that the people involved were merely doing what they believed to be acceptable and true.  This taught me that culture is stronger than many of us are aware of, or would like to admit.  I have also come to see that resources play a huge role in how the process is managed in a hospital setting.  There are simply too many women to attend to.  Technology has amplified this issue with how it has phased out human connection considerably from the birth process.  This has made it very difficult for attendants in this setting to cater to individual requests and needs, and has shaped what they view as normal.       

I also realize that I could have been more assertive with my requests, and made different choices all together.  The reason I did not was directly related to my own shaky belief system at the time.  Had I been more confident about who I was I would have taken steps to prepare myself for an experience that meshed with what I was comfortable with.  At the time I thought that I was protecting myself by letting others make decisions for me.  As it turned out, it only delayed the inevitable feelings of loss.  This showed me that giving away responsibility is merely an illusion.  When we allow others to take control of our choices it sets us up to blame and become a victim.  When in reality we are the ones who create our reality with the choices we make or don't make.  Discovering this has empowered me to fine tune my own communication skills so that I can voice my wants and needs in a way that is respectful of others, and explore other options when necessary. 

I've learned that the environment and caregiver(s) we choose are only part of the equation.  The stress and fear that we bring into the birth process plays a big part too.  I've learned a lot about fear over the years and how it can create a cycle that makes the birth process more difficult.  It causes the body to go into the fight or flight mode, which sends mixed messages to the birthing muscles which can halt the process all together or cause unnecessary pain.  This is true for the processes that follow birth too.  When we do not feel safe processes like figuring out latch or milk let down do not happen as easily.   

Through the process of reflection, I've also come to see that that experts are not perfect, and often make decisions based on their own fears, experiences and unique beliefs.  At the time, I was not aware that many of the medical interventions that happen during birth often have no scientific basis.  Now that I know this I view the entire field of medicine differently.  I'm a lot more skeptical of the recommendations I come across.  This has also changed the way I handle my family's health, and choice of doctors.  I no longer go along mindlessly with what a doctor suggests.  I absorb what is being offered, then look within and to various resources to decide if it is in line with my family's values and beliefs. 

The lessons I learned from this experience empowered me to make different choices with my daughter's birth.  It was an easy birth, at home in the water.  It was an experience that further taught me about myself and others, and continues to teach me lessons to this day.  It's an event that I hope will empower my own daughter to trust her body when the time comes for her to have a baby of her own.   

[evwsquared]

Aug. 30, 2011 at 3:23 PM

You talk a lot here about the lessons that you learned about what other people do, but aside from learning that you could be more assertive and skeptical, what else did you learn about yourself? I guess what I'm wondering is if you learned that there is no absolute truth, so single way, in which to give birth successfully? Part of what makes a successful doula is the acceptance of a mother's desires about how to give birth, and to not overlay your own decisions about what a successful birth is onto her birth.

[LorelNicolette]

Aug. 30, 2011 at 3:29 PM

Check out the reply I posted in the group.  I think that my revision answers what you are saying here.  If not, let me know. 

(Original Poster)

[LorelNicolette]

Aug. 30, 2011 at 3:38 PM

Oh, and this section is about me, and what I learned about others.  The following section covers what you are looking for, I think.  It covers how I will apply what I have learned when I work as a birth professional. 

(Original Poster)