Taking the step

[Rockabye]

So for a while now I have been on the verge of asking Gods forgiveness and about 2 nights ago I finally did. I have been trying to read the bible and plan on going to church with my daughter. The bible is really confusing to me so hopefully one of the people at my church will be able to explain it to me. I have already felt changes occurring in myself, such as even though there are things I have done for many years without giving much thought to it, now that I am accepting God into my life and into my heart I dont want to do it anymore. I have no idea how this is going to turn out since I am still living with my boyfriend but how ever it turns out I know its what God has planned for me and that it will all be for the better.

I still dont do everything the way I should and I still have many faults and sin alot but despite all of this I know that God still loves me. It is a wonderful feeling to know that you are loved even when you are wrong. I know most people had that growing up but for me it wasnt the same. I rarely felt loved even when I was good. I was never hugged or kissed. I cant really remember any kind words or actions that my parents gave me except one time when I was sick my mom rubbed my back until I went to sleep. 

I was not allowed to go to church very often as a child. I think I went a handful of times and then went to the church camp thing a few times. My parents were not very religious and didnt like us to repeat stuff we learned at church and so even though my grandpa used to be a preacher we never talked about God or anything like that. Of course I grew up cynical of the whole church scene because of this and so when we moved somewhere I could walk to church I no longer wanted to go. 

The past year or so I have started thinking about God again and I tried going to a church once but I moved before I had been saved and never really paid much attention to the sermons because I had so much other stuff on my mind and I guess I just didnt understand that God was not going to one day shove me over the edge of the cliff that I had to jump and have faith and know that he would be there with open arms waiting for me. Thats what it means to be saved is for people to believe in him and put their trust in him that he will always be there for us and even if we cant understand the whys and hows to just trust that he knows what he is doing and things will all work out.