Cheating is a game.

[kirzo]

Well that's what I used to think. When I was married I felt like the most useless person in the entire world. My Ex would call me so many names that related with cheated,eventually I gave up and started cheating. I did it not to make his words true but I did it because it made me feel alive, that someone actually wanted me and wanted to ravish me if only for one night. It's a sad thing when someone cheats, I'm not sure how many woman out there will admit to cheating but I do know I don't regret it. I hated my husband! I hated the idea of being alone with kids even more though, so I continued to cheat and because he never actually caught me but just accused I turned it into a game. It added "spice" to my life, it made me feel good to know that I was a wanted person, i didn't care that I was wanted because I was easy but because it made me feel good to feel wanted by other men. My husband would want to have sex with me but he fully disgusted me, by the end of our marriage i never kissed him or slept in the same room as him. he was filthy, he never brushed his teeth,hardly showered and changed his clothes once a week! Why in the world would I want to sleep next to that. Throughout our marriage I always drank, I drank a lot and so did he. We were not good drunks together, it would usually end in a fist fight between us arguing over if I slept with someone or not. According to me I didn't, that was part of the game. Always Lie, it's hard to keep up lies! After so many years of lying I was lost in my own lies! Eventually I cheated one last time and that was the final straw for our marriage. it wasn't all that long ago but it seems forever ago because of the steps i have taken towards healthy relationships and understanding that i did have a big problem with drinking. That night him and I got drunk as usual on a Tuesday, we were at a friends house that I knew from work, my husband had never met him before. We took off on a four wheeler and my husband caught me. it was a terrible night but some people think i got what i deserved. I was thrown out of a moving car, sprained my ankle,black eye and bloody mouth. That night, I kicked him out, that's when I realized that I can do this by myself and I did for over a year. I kept all men away from my children but I still drank too much. My life wouldn't be right until i stopped drinking, I never thought of that while I was drinking though. I always woke up and said i wish it was closer to noon so I could have a beer or go work on something to justify my morning beer. My best friends brother died that april because of drinking and driving, my best friend was devastated, they were best friends and no one expected that. my best friend is a male and has been my best friend since i was 12 and so was he. We always considered ourselves dating but an open type of dating. I knew I wanted to be with him but with 3 kids,who would want me? I called him that Easter morning, he asked me to come over. I stayed with him while my kids were with my EX. I knew I had to change but didn't want to face it. My best friend became my boyfriend, with that we quit drinking together and we don't cheat because we are truly happy with each other. I don't feel the need for that extra "spice" in my life any more. I have enough now, I still don't regret what I did when I was married but i do know that I won't be making the same mistakes. If you didn't know I was married at 16, my Ex thinks that I was an adult, when I look back i thought I was an adult but I know better know 9 years later, I was a kid.