How to Effectively Deal with Difficult People

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We all have to deal with difficult people at some point in our lives.

Some people are chronically difficult and it is best for your own mental and emotional well being to limit your time with these people as much as possible. It is extremely wearing to be around people who are difficult on a regular basis and it can wear even on the most positive optimist.

Even if you must spend a lot of time with a difficult person, if you live with them, work with them or for some other reason are forced to spend a lot of time with them, you still have choices and options. You can use a little creativity to limit your exposure to their difficult ways.

Ask Them to Stop

Asking them to stop what they are doing is a good first step because they might not even be aware of how difficult they are being on others. By asking them to stop you will find out if they are willing to change their ways. If they are then you are in a great place!

When you ask someone to stop doing something be sure to ask in such a way that is not irritated, demanding, degrading, etc. In order to receive the best response from them:

• Assume that they don’t realize how difficult they are being. In other words don’t take the stance that they are purposefully being difficult to you. You don’t know their motives until you ask no mater how you perceive their actions.
• Use “I statements” when you ask them to stop. “I feel…when you…” is a lot more likely to be received well than are more confrontational statements. Be descriptive of your feelings and their actions and not emotional or judgmental.
• Be willing to help, even asking if you are doing something to contribute to the situation or if there is something that you can do to help them out in the situation. Humility begets humility, if you show that you are willing to change they will be more likely to be willing to as well.

What happens when you ask the difficult person to stop what they are doing and they refuse?

What if they think that they are not doing anything wrong?

What if they think you are the one with the problem and the one who needs to change?

Set Personal Boundaries

There are many ways that you can set boundaries to protect yourself as much as possible from the harmful effects of being around difficult people.

Remember that setting boundaries is about protection and not punishment. You are not setting boundaries to punish the other person but only to protect yourself from their unhealthy behaviors.

When you set boundaries you have decide what you will do when the behavior happens. For example if a friend or significant other is chronically late you can tell them that if they are late then you will leave on time if they are not there when they say they will be. Then you need to follow through and leave on time.

Another example is someone who takes out their negative emotions on those around them. You can tell someone, “The next time that you yell at me I am going to walk away until you are able talk to me respectfully.”

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