My marriage....trying to keep from going back.

[3_cookies]

 I have been married 4 years, with my dh for 7 years. For years I convinced myself that our relationship was normal, maybe a little turbulent, but okay. I tried to pretend he was a good man. I worked hard at convincing others that all was good, he was a good man and so on.

I have been called everything you can think of. Everything has been my fault. He has been demeaning, controlling and tempermental. In November it escelated to him shoving me, grabbing me by the head and shaking me and head butting me. He has blown our money, made it almost impossible to pay bills, even though he has a good job and I work as well. He has had more emotional affairs than I can count. I figure he has had physical ones as well, but I cannot prove it.

November 30th, I left. I took the kids and am now staying at moms. Things are hard. He has enrolled in anger managment. Got us into couples counsling, decided to start going to church.

Week #1 Everything was his fault. He wanted us to start dating agian. He was soo sorry. All he needs is for me and the kids to come back. He is dying inside. We need to work this out. He has changed. Everything will be differant. His family also tells me he is differant, a changed man. He called and texted nonstop. He understands that I am mad at him. He had a hard childhood, he has to move past it, ect (his childhood wasnt so bad)

Sunday Dec. 4th - now: He is still sorry. He wants to take me out, spend time with me, Im all he needs. He wants to buy me things. Maybe if I had been more romantic and giving he wouldnt have had to seek affection elsewhere. I made him feel left out because I spent too much of my energy on the kids. I was too focused on being a mother. I was always doing something. I didnt talk enough with him (did I mention that he told me repeatedly that he wanted to just be left alone.)I need to take some responibilty for our problems. He knows he hurt me and hes so sorry.

I wish he was being a prick now. It would make this so much easier. I know I need to stay gone....But this is sooo hard.