It all started when I was visiting family in Oklahoma. Me and my husband were trying for another baby after our miscarriage in Nov. 2011. I was feeling off and just feeling pregnant. So i went to the store and got a test. On March 26th 2012 I got those 2 beautful pink lines! It was midnight when i tested and because my husband works all over for an oil company, i texed him the picture saying we did it!! I was so nervous yet so happy! So excited! As soon as the 12 week mark passed I thought i was in the clear. I didnt know how wrong i was.

Aug. 9th I found out i was having a girl!! I cried when i saw her moving around, making the ultrasound tech. have a hard time getting measurments. Seeing her perfect beating heart i thought everything was perfect! Then on Aug. 17th I headed up to the hosptial after cramping and having lots of lower back pain the night before and all though the night. Her heart rate was in the 50's. They told me they needed to deliver her right now. I was at the hospital by myself freaking out. I had nurses, dr.s, the anaesthesiologist all in my little PSU room. it was so crowded in there. I kept crying, telling them I couldnt loose another baby. Then right before they moved me to the OR I had someone call my mom to get up there. The anaesthesiologist is the one who made the call. I will never forget her words. She said "this is the anaesthesiologist from Via Christi. Im here with your daughter Jessica. Something is wrong with the baby and we are taking her to surgery." I didnt even hear her say bye but she told me my mom was on my way up. It was to late though. They were preping me on the way to the OR. By the time my mom got there I was already in surgery. My mom called my husband who was 3 hours away at work. By the time he got to me I was being let go from the recovery unit. 

They let me go and see her before taking me to my room. As soon as i seen her I knew she wasnt going to make it. How could someone that small surive? I had given birth at 24 weeks 5 days. The nurses gave me some hope. They said she came out screaming and was breathing on her own. But they also said that she is very little. That lasted 2 days. Then she started to get sick. She had a level 3 brain bleed which lead to a stroke and seziures. I was so heartbroken. So very scared. They now had to be her breathing. She went into cardic arrest a few times. Aug. 20th we had her baptized. It was really important that she was baptized. The Father who came and baptized her, just looked at her and he knew. My sister has her baptizem on video and you can just see the look on his face. My husband had went down to the gift shop and got her a angel that says the now i lay me down to sleep prayer and a rosery. we had the Father bless the angel and rosery then the nurse sealed it in a bag and we placed it in her incubator right above her head. My husband said now she has an angel watching over her. About 24 hours later she had another brain bleed. A level 4 brain bleed and her kidneys had shut down.  So on Aug. 21st me and my husband made the hardest desision we would ever have to make. Do we take her off life support or keep her going. We knew it was time to let her go. The NICU let us call people first. We had family and friends meet us up there. The preist said her last rights. Then they handed her to me, where she passed away in my arms at 9:40am. We all walked down to my room where everyone got to hold her and say goodbye. They let us stay with her as long as we wanted. At 3 that afternoon Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep came and did pictures. She treated her like she was still alive. That she was a person.  Around 5pm we finally went home. I didnt want to leave. I felt if i held onto her she was still here, she wasnt gone. Leaving the hospital without my baby, knowing that I would not return to see my baby in the NICU was the hardest thing I had ever done. 


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Comments:

jessl...
Sep. 25, 2012 at 1:33 PM I cried my eyes out when I read and watched the video.I'm soo so sorry for you lose.Hugsss bringing sent your way.

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x_Sta...
Oct. 17, 2012 at 8:20 PM This makes my heart sad :(

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carly...
Dec. 1, 2012 at 12:59 PM

Thankyou for sharing your story:) I cried the whole time. So very sorry for your loss. Hugs and prayers sent your way!

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