Man its been yrs since I've done this. Well let's start with some good things. I have a 4yo old son now Gabriel, a one and a half yr old (adopted to a wonderful family) Aiden, and my youngest has just turned 4 and will be 5months old on the 27th of this month. I must say, I enjoy being a mother and doing it all so young. I will be 21yrs old tomorrow and well its all working out for me. I gotta great job working for walmart in the automotives dept. I am using my moms old car for now just til I can get hospital bills paid off so I can start saving for my own car. I am not yet done with school but that is in a working process. My boys are both is daycare and I heard my son that was adopted has joined daycare (not the same daycare) part time. I heard he loves it, my boys both do. Well life what can I say? No complaints. Well there are some but one is top list.
Complaint: why do people jump on talking down about the person I'm in love with? Why do people jump to "you deserve better"? I don't like it. It makes me feel horrible and unwanted around my family, friends and ever coworkers. My youngest and adopted sons' dad is the absolute love of my life. We were togther for two and a half yrs. Went through an adoption together and another surprise pregnacy. I was 4months along with my youngest before I found out I was carrying him. I got sick one day and really crampy but my period was a month late. A month. That's when I took a test and thought okay I must be like 6wks. Doc took sono and said I'm about 4months along. We were shocked but we didn't use protection. It all goes to show "pulling out" really doesn't work ladies. So you girls out there, please be careful. Although I am perfectly fine now, I can raise my boys and still I have extra $ left over every month...I had other plans. School, moving out, getting a job to get a car not pay off hospital bills.. so just a heads up, pulling out, not okay.
We made more memories together than I can remember making when I was a child or teenager.. I think about him almost always. He brightens up everything inside and outside of me. When I see him hold our son, I melt. When baby is sleeping, we go over our memories and he just stares and looks and I can't even force myself to not smile. He's the only one who could make me smile when I'm pissed off at the world, sadder than eeorr on a rainy day or just "blah!". All he has to do is look. When he holds me, its like the world stops spinning and everything is at a pause. My life is a puzzle without him. I'm lost and confused and wondering. With him, I'm invisible -except when I leave him or he leaves us, then I'm all tears- I'm strong, I'm weak, I'm light, I'm heavy, I'm in heaven in his arms. When he holds me close and tight, I know he loves me back. I know he loves me just by the way he acts. We know each other and yes true fact he knows me better than my mother does. Facial expressions, silences, talkative, playing with hand or not paying attention to him....he knows when something is up, when I'm lying, when I am scared mad happy sad... he knows me. Point????.....I love this guy and my kids both love him too. My oldest wants me to get back together with him and my youngest is just lit up with cheer and joy when he sees his daddy. Well.....why can't people be happy? Why can't they just back off of the rudeness? No breakup we just went our own ways. My moms mad cause he's not with his son everyday...he lives on the opposite side of town and his retared fam doesn't ever let him take his own car anywhere but work so they can have fun or go out...I'm fine with him seeing his son on the weekends so why can't she be fine?? Ugh! And at least I'm not in love with my oldest son's dad.. he has full custody and has neglected our son for over 5months. We were supposed to go to court for joint custody but here soon when I have the $ I am filing abandonment and gaining full custody and my ex will be ordered supervised visits. He neglected our son to be a pothead with his pothead girlfriend who has a (not his) baby who was born with meth in his system. He's a little over a yr old and is having heart probs because she did meth when the baby was a fetus. They're both potheads. Her grandparents raise the baby....and I'm the one being punished. A judge told me himself I need to file abandonment and I would gain custody and my ex would have supervised visits if any visits at all because since my ex has full custody, he could come and take my son back at any second he pleases and can I do anything? Nope. So at least I love someone who wants tos see his son, wants to be friends with me for our son. Someone who cares for my oldest and acts like he's his son as well. Someone who makes me so happy even if its for a few hrs. Someone who doesn't give me a reason to cry anymore. The love of my life and everyone hates him. :(:(

the part about my oldest son's dad is true but please no comments. It was just an example of I'm in love with what every says I need to find "a real man" and not some scub bag asshole.

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