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The Mommy Group Blues
- May 15, 2007 at 2:23 PM
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- Comments (2) Total Views (65) Everyone can see this journal post.
A year ago this past March I joined a mom's group that my new friend Amy had created. I remember when it started there were three members, and I doubted that it would ever take off. I was wrong, it took off, and now its a group of more than 85 local moms and their children. This year has been a rough one in the mom's group - we have our third group leader, because the other two have stepped down citing that the group, at least some of the group has been overwhelming. When the group started it was full of energy and opportunity. Currently its a group that has a lot of mom's, a lot of exclusion and exclusiveness, yet it has potential. Many days I read the message board wonder in what direction the group is going to go, and honestly most days I am so disappointed to see the community behave the way it has. The original vision of the group was to create a communnity for all moms in our area for playgroups, general support, and resources. As time has passed it has become a community of exclusiveness.
The current issue at hand is the large amount of age only playgroups, and how there are very few, if any, opportunities for mothers of more than one child to attend a playgroup. I can look at the calendar and see that there are no playgroups that would welcome my children, and many others as well. For me, it is quite discouraging to see how exclusive the community has gotten. I had voiced my concern by saying:
"I think that some of this issue is vision. We all joined this group for different reasons, and we all have different mom needs or kid needs. I have heard in the past that these age specific groups are needed because of fears of children being trampled, hit or otherwise injured. I know that in my "mom life" I have had these concerns as well. I don't anymore. My children are around other kids of all ages - I cannot carve and tailor their interactions much, and I don't want to. They are great teaching moments - and I use them as such. A child being hit by another child in a play group is sad, and obviously does/has happened, but isn't that a communication or parenting issue? Is it really something that every 4 year old or whatever age may be needs to carry? And that is just one of the examples that was given in support of the age related playgroups.
In support of more all age welcome playgroups I would like to offer the following: What one mom doesn't know, another mom will. All of our children grow - as do we in our parenting and lives. Our children as much as ourselves are missing out on relationships, tips, and teaching moments - which was one of the primary reasons this group was founded.
I do think as a community there is too much exclusion going on. I would suggest to the whole community, to consider that perhaps there are better ways to handle this sensitive subject, and be more inclusive to the community rather than exclusive."
So in my email box, not on the message board of course, because they are chickens, there are more than handful of assinine emails. Some of them were of the "You can't tell me who I have to let into my private home." and the rest were "Its not exclusive, its only for 3 year olds!" All I can do is shake my head - they don't get it. Obviously they didn't really read my post, and cannot see the bigger picture yet. Someday they will see the bigger picture - and by then many others will have been long gone.
I am extremely disappointed. I am not worried about me, and my kids having play friends, or me having a support system. However I am worried about the rest of the group - and what they are going to miss out on.
The current issue at hand is the large amount of age only playgroups, and how there are very few, if any, opportunities for mothers of more than one child to attend a playgroup. I can look at the calendar and see that there are no playgroups that would welcome my children, and many others as well. For me, it is quite discouraging to see how exclusive the community has gotten. I had voiced my concern by saying:
"I think that some of this issue is vision. We all joined this group for different reasons, and we all have different mom needs or kid needs. I have heard in the past that these age specific groups are needed because of fears of children being trampled, hit or otherwise injured. I know that in my "mom life" I have had these concerns as well. I don't anymore. My children are around other kids of all ages - I cannot carve and tailor their interactions much, and I don't want to. They are great teaching moments - and I use them as such. A child being hit by another child in a play group is sad, and obviously does/has happened, but isn't that a communication or parenting issue? Is it really something that every 4 year old or whatever age may be needs to carry? And that is just one of the examples that was given in support of the age related playgroups.
In support of more all age welcome playgroups I would like to offer the following: What one mom doesn't know, another mom will. All of our children grow - as do we in our parenting and lives. Our children as much as ourselves are missing out on relationships, tips, and teaching moments - which was one of the primary reasons this group was founded.
I do think as a community there is too much exclusion going on. I would suggest to the whole community, to consider that perhaps there are better ways to handle this sensitive subject, and be more inclusive to the community rather than exclusive."
So in my email box, not on the message board of course, because they are chickens, there are more than handful of assinine emails. Some of them were of the "You can't tell me who I have to let into my private home." and the rest were "Its not exclusive, its only for 3 year olds!" All I can do is shake my head - they don't get it. Obviously they didn't really read my post, and cannot see the bigger picture yet. Someday they will see the bigger picture - and by then many others will have been long gone.
I am extremely disappointed. I am not worried about me, and my kids having play friends, or me having a support system. However I am worried about the rest of the group - and what they are going to miss out on.
Comments:
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May. 16, 2007 at 9:21 PM
Wow... I didn't realize the group had gotten THAT exclusive... I was removed about a month ago because I wasn't checking in often enough. I have been removed before but reapplied without any problem... But this time, I really didn't feel the urge.
The Moms I DID get to know and would enjoy to continue spending time with are on my friends list on myspace and I'm hoping to reconnect with ALL of you more in the near future... Life just gets crazy sometimes, especially when you are starting a new relationship... ;)
I do miss you and hope to see you soon!
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I think it's sad to see high school cliques play out in motherhood. I know it makes you sad that this group has become this way. Maybe you should start your own mommy group. Make it like you want get moms of all ages with kids of different ages and abilities together who are open minded and want to have new experiences. I'd sign up for a mommy's group like that. Just a thought. Hope you're having a good day.
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