Admitting loss will soon become permanent

[Bird-In-A-Tree]

Friday afternoon after I went to replace the flowers on my son's frave that were recently stolen, I went to the monument place.  After a little over a year, I have decided to order Cary's marker.  I have avoided doing this because it would be a permanent reminder that this nightmare is true.  It has been ok to go visit, because there is only the family marker.  Now I will have to see it "carved in stone".  This past weekend has been so hard, knowing that I have done this.  The question of how am I supposed to find joy in my pain is constant.  I know I will see Cary again in heaven, but it doesn't help to ease the pain I feel now.  Even as I tried to write words of comfort to a grieving grandmother on the military mom's page because she lost her grandson this week in the sandbox, I felt very little comfort even though I wanted to comfort her and her daughter.  Does this really get any easier?  Does the pain ever go away or even dampen?  It seems impossible.  There are days I can't seem to go on.  My tears are constant.  Plus you add in the fears I have for the other children and it is stiffeling.  I feel so lost and alone. 

[Jesalyn724]

Jun. 3, 2007 at 8:43 PM

Bird-In-A-Tree,

I'm so sorry for your loss. We lost a baby on April 4th, so considering our grief is very recent, I can't offer up much as far as whether it gets easier. My mom lost her daughter (my 16 yr old sister) in a car accident 9 years ago. Her pain is still very real and very present. From what I have learned from her, it will always be difficult, you will always grieve for your child and what could have been (and the longing for them.) I know that doesn't sound very encouraging at all. But I do want to be real with you. From what I have learned from my mom, life doesn't get easier, you just learn to live life differently.  My mom still has a very hard time at funerals and comforting other parents because it brings up her grief over my sister.  Just take your time sweetie and don't be rushed in your grieving process. Deal with it in whatever way you know how, because noone else will be able to heal you. That will come from within. Even though my mom also lost a child, she told me that nothing she could offer up or say about her loss would help me in my grieving process, because it is such a personal thing and each child is different.  Now, that doesn't mean that she didn't comfort me and all. You have the right attitude about knowing that you will swee Cary in Heaven.  Something that brings me comfort is knowing that God is taking care of our baby WAY better than we ever could have hoped to. Our little ones will never be hurt or feel our earthly pains. All I ever wanted for our children is for them to know God (because with that, everything else falls into place) and it brings me such great comfort knowing that my child already has everything I could have ever wanted for him in Heaven in our Lord and Savior.  And at first, I looked at our baby as a thing that happened to me, something cherished that would remain as a part of my past as time went on. But I just had to change my attitude and know that our baby is NOT a part of my past. Our baby is a part of our future. So,  just a sweet sweet bonus when I walk through Heaven's gates. I'm sorry I went on so long, but I did want you to know that I read this and you are in my thoughts and prayers. Feel free to message me anytime =)

[joyfulmama]

Jun. 4, 2007 at 7:20 AM