My Wonderful Ladies

[diamond74]

Thank You all so much for your concern during this stressful time. Your all a Godsend. Today I'm going to speak with a social worker in regards to my anxiety. I am actually looking forward to getting my life back on track. When I go through these episodes, it feels like everything is out of whack. I feel emotional distress, physical distress, which then leads back to severe emotional distress because I just want to feel "Normal". All of which happens in my mind and when the kids are sleeping, cause I don't wanna let them see mommy unhappy. I bury all my feelings, emotions and fears down deep. I find myself looking at my sister, who has never gone through this and feeling jealous, because I wish I could be like her. My nephew is Autistic, and I know she has tremendous stress, but she handles it so perfectly. I wish I could be like her. I know this is something that I cant control on my own, without some kind of intervention. Considering that my mom has it, my uncle on my father's side has it, my grandmother & grandfather had it {my fathers parents}, my aunt has it {my mother's sister}.So basically I'm genetically screwed. LOL. My biggest stress right now is that I'm most likely going to have to stop breastfeeding Jaden so I can go back on med's. It's breaking my heart. I love breastfeeding him, the closeness we have, and I feel like I'm being robbed. To everyone else this is so minor, but to me it's the biggest deal in the world. But I know I have to do what needs to be done in order to get it together. To look at me you would never know I struggle with this. I'm writing these posts, and basically bearing my soul, because #1 it's extremely therapeutic, but also I'm hoping I can help someone who's going through the same things. I know what its like to feel like no one understands, or that your the only one who's going through this. It is definitely personal, even when you know other people suffer from this also.

Well, I really feel a lot better. I cried and vented. Thank you again ladies. I love you all. XoXoXo

[Charlies_mommy]

Jun. 5, 2007 at 1:27 PM Sorry to hear about all of this... I know about the breastfeeding thing. I stopped breastfeeding Charlie at 5 1/2 months beacuse I dried up! I tried to get it back for weeks and was unable so I gave him every little bit I could until finally its all dried up now. I feel horrible about it, but I didn't know or even think to pump when he got sick and wasn't eating.... Although I know if I have another kid now to pump and stuff when they are sick.... Just a BTW thing I wanted to use breastmilk on Charlie until he was 2... No more boob after a year, but still the breast milk....