going nuts

[sassy17362001]

this is about me, sorry never had a journal before,

i have been going nuts the past year now, well almost a year, it all started on the 4th of july, and i'm tired of going to court and dealing with it, i just want it over with now, and so does he, he doesn't say anything about it, and neither do i, i just don't want to bring it up to him, he got in trouble with the law, and now we have court just about every month since it happened to him, i have had my house up for sale too, before all this has happened also, and no bit on this place, i need a bigger home now, i feel sorry for my other kids, they don't have any place to sleep when they come over they have to sleep on the couch or with someone and i hate it, i just got my one daughter bunkbeds so that way someone has a bed to sleep in and still 2 are left out, they don't need this, i'm always depressed about what is going to happen to me or my daughter, she is the only one living with me, please don't get me wrong lol i love my kids to death and i'll do anything for them and my family, what is left of that, and i have my sister that lives with me too, she doesn't do much around here anymore, so i'm stuck doing everything here now, the cleaning, getting up with my daughter, taking care of the animals, taking out the trash, bills and laundry (the 2 that never ends here) and she does only the cooking for dinner, so i do breakfast and lunch. i thought having my sis and my daughter out for the week would be great, but no one to talk to and this place is so quite in here, except when the dogs start to bark lol, i found a home too, that i have fell in love with a couple of times lol but can't get it or put a bid on it, untill i sell this one, and that really drives me nuts, and i was told by my boyfriend, stop looking, untill we sell this one, and i have, but still i look once in awhile here and there lol, but i don't know what to do if he goes away, if he does to time or not, then i'll have his father living with me for 2 years, and i can't stand that man either, he is a slob, his whole family is i hate to say that, but after 7 years dealing with them, i can't take it anymore, i just hope he doesn't go away and everything will be ok, i guess, and if he does go aways i don't know how long it will be they never said, but will find out soon, on the 21st of this month too, i hopping that istart my job on monday, if not then they said the end of the month, finally got one after almost 9 mths, and it was a joke too, when they called me about my brothers stone too, at the cemetary also, they asked if there is anything else they can do, and i said yes, are you hiring, and they told me to come in and fill out an app, and i got the job on the spot, i was shocked lol, but i'm glad too, being in this house day and night, is driving me insane lately, you can only clean so much here, there place isn't that big, well to me lol, i needed a change and is something did happen to him, i know i can pay the bills here, and if not then i'll find another job to help with the rest here, so i might have to loose the computer and the phone plus the directv too, if i can't afford them, i hate that too, but what else can i do, if i can't pay for them, but i will see how it all goes then, and how my job pays too, if i can pay for everything here, then maybe i'll be a little more happier with my life alittle bit., this is only part of my life, jand it is driving me nuts day and night,

i think i better go out and buy a diary lol, i don't need to burden people with my problems like this, sorry, i guess if i had better friends here where i live, then i wouldn't have to vent this on here, they don't call me anymore, unless she wants something, or she feels sorry for me, and i don't need her pitty either, the other one, i know she has been busy with her house and dealing with her kids, so i don't blame her at all, she was my first and has been there for the last 15 years for me, the other one is my friend for the last 30 years, and i don't talk to her that much anymore, since she has met this guy, oh well, then the other one, well i don't know about her anymore, i have only known her for about 2 years, and she doesn't call me and i don't call her, she is always doing something, or just drops by when she has the time, i don't mind thou lol i think i need a shrink now lmao,

well i better get off of here and clean my home and make a grocery list so i can go shopping before my daughter comes home tomarrow, and then the fun begins with her lol

take care

[nanagg]

Jun. 6, 2007 at 9:15 AM  one day it all be over. until then hang in there. nanagg

[Rhonda87]

Jun. 6, 2007 at 9:19 AM I was going thru a bad couple of years with my soon to be ex husband, he wasn't working his mom lived in my house.  BAD BAD!!  Everyone kept telling me hang in there.  God doesn't give you more then you can handle.  So this advice i pass on to you.  Remember he is there and is always watching.  Hopefully things will brighten up soon. God Bless