One More Day

[zeermaya]

 

One More Day

 

My daughter died yesterday.  We fell asleep looking into each others eyes.  I remember the feel of her lips on my skin while she fed for her last time.  I remember the love I felt as I looked in her eyes and held her for the last time; the feel of her hair, the warmth of skin, the softness of her cheek.  One day more and she would have been three weeks old.

 

Today, I was supposed to take her to her second doctor’s appointment.  I wonder if she had lived one day more would she still be alive right now?  A friend came by this afternoon to see my new baby girl.  God I felt bad when I had to tell her that my baby girl was dead.  My friend will never get to see her alive.  One more day and she could have held her too.

 

I remember holding my girl and watching her look around.  Her eyes were always drawn to the Christmas tree.  She seemed to be fascinated by the lights.  When she slept she would smile, then laugh.  It was a short laugh but so sweet.  God, this hurts so much, if she had lived one more day I could be holding her instead of crying for her.

 

As tears drop down both cheeks, I try to remember the good things, the softness of her hair.  The way it seemed that she would kiss me if I put her lips by mine when she was hungry.  She was such a happy baby if she had made it one more day I could listen to her laugh in her sleep again.

 

My family loves pictures I have collected 70 pictures of her since she was born three weeks ago.  I just did the math that is 3.3333 pictures per day.  Although we didn’t really take that may per day.  I wish now that we had.  If I had one more day, you can bet I would have at least 70 more pictures.

 

I felt so overwhelmed during my time with her, I was taking care of my infant girl, my 7 year old daughter, 3 cats, 3 dogs, 8 puppies, and some fish.  But I also remember it as fun.  The animals seemed to know her.  I think they learned her scent while I was pregnant with her.  Looking back it seems that they were telling her goodbye I wish I could have one more day, so I could’ve told her goodbye too.

 

I remember the good and the bad alike the memories are mixed all together.  I can see her face in death as clearly as I saw her face in life.  I comfort myself by knowing that she died in my arms.  She wasn’t hungry, or cold.  Her diaper was clean, she needed a bath but I hadn’t found time.  I was going to bath her after she ate, but I fell asleep, and when I woke up she was dead.  I wish that I had just one more day.

 

My daughter died yesterday, but maybe your loved ones are still alive, you may have many days, or you could be like me, and wish for just one more day.  Cherish each day as it passes by, never forget yesterday, and remember, sometime, someday, there won’t be just one more day.

[mel01217]

Jan. 23, 2007 at 8:10 AM I am so sorry!!!  She was so beautiful.  Take care of yourself

[semvamas_mama]

Jan. 23, 2007 at 8:12 AM She is so beautiful, and I am so sorry for your loss. I have lost two children, and nothing I can say will make it any better at this time. Never forget the 20 wonderful days, or the millions of mental pictures you have. God bless you and yours.

[Julie25]

Jan. 23, 2007 at 8:14 AM I am sorry for your lost

[marla_momof6]

Jan. 23, 2007 at 8:22 AM She is beautiful and now she is forever your angel ^J^

[Jen-L]

Jan. 23, 2007 at 8:37 AM I can't imagine how you must feel.... All I can say is I'm so sorry for you. No matter what you keep being strong.. We are all here for you. I'll say a pray for you and remember she is in good hands.. One more angel ... ( a very special one ). If you ever need to talk I'm here and so are all the other mommy's !!!!! God Bless you and keep you strong !!!!

[zeermaya]

Jan. 23, 2007 at 8:54 AM Thank you everyone for your prayers and love.  I am already feeling just a bit better than I was before I found this place.  I have recevied a lot of support already from this post and my other post.  thank you so much.  CP

(Original Poster)

[SunFlwrz11]

Jan. 23, 2007 at 9:59 AM She's beautiful! I am so sorry for your loss, I can't even imagine the pain you are feeling, if you ever need to talk I'm here.  The poem is beautiful, brought me to tears.

[cutie_babe_21]

Jan. 23, 2007 at 7:33 PM I am very sorry to hear this tragic accident...I am keeping you in my prayers and would not wish that on anyone..I have lost my first child and i cannot imagine wat you are going through being able to spend only a certain amount of time with her...She was a beautiful baby girl and i hope the best for you...much love...Amanda

[SitaStJames]

Jan. 23, 2007 at 9:42 PM   I'm so sorry for your loss. I hope that the pain will fade so you can help your daughter deal with her own pain. May I ask what happened to your precious angel? Not trying to be nosey but I have a 7 week old son myself...I really am sorry for your loss... 

[lil_momma1121]

Jan. 23, 2007 at 10:34 PM

I just wanted to say thank you!!! You have opened my eyes.  I recently posted a journal about me having a problem with keeping my 3 month old.  I also have a 3 year old.  I only had been keeping him for about one night a week.  You have really made me think.  I want to go and lay with my baby and I dont care how long he keeps me up.  Again thank you.