advice anyone????

[colts0102]

i dont know why i have taken it so long and im sure that is part of the problem, but i cant take it anymore.  heres the story..........

i have been married for almost 7 yrs now.  when i met my now husband, i was in a bad place in my life.  i had an ex husband that still had some control over me because of child support and i married him so young that i didnt know anything was wrong with that.  i hated my ex but i needed the child support so i was very miserable.  anyways,  i treated my boyfriend, now husband, very badly.  i was mean and didnt act like i cared about him.  he was always there, no matter how bad i treated him.  finally i told my boyfriend that i wasnt good for him and that i needed to get my head on straight before i could be with anyone.  after about 3 monthes i was miserable without him.  i realized that he loved me and i loved him and i wanted to be with him.  7 yrs later, i still get butterflies when he kisses me.  i adore him and i show him everyday that he means the world to me. 

but ever since we got back together, he is jealous of eveything and everyone.  i had a good job but he said it took too much of my time and that i cared more about the job than him.  so in order to keep my married happy, i quit.  i had friends but he said that i cared more about them than i did hime so i slowly pushed away from them.  for 6 yrs it was just him and i and the kids. no friends,  no get togethers, nothing.  and it didnt really bother me too much.  i was busy with the kids and painting and decorating the house.  but now we have met a couple that have alot in common with us.  they happen to be my daughters boyfriends parents.  all of our kids are the same age.  my husband and the father get along great and i adore the mother.  now that we are spending alot of time with them , he is becoming worse.  he wants them around but its as if im supposed to not act like i want to be around them.  does that make sense?  i took my 5 yr old over to there house on tuesday so our kids could play. my husband called me to see what i was doing. when i told him, he stopped talking and let me go.  later on i called him.  he was pissed and said all i wanted to do is be with them.  i must want her husband .

for the longest time i felt like i had to make up for my past with him.  i deserve the control because i hurt him so badly.   but i dont feel that way anymore.  there is nothing wrong with having friends.  and just because i have a friend, it doesnt mean i love my husband less.  i toled him i was leaving if he didnt get help.  he says he is going to but im worried that hes not going to take it seriously.  when things are good between us,  you couldnt ask for a better friendship and marriage,  but when things are bad,  i feel like im getting beat down by his insecurities.  my marriage and children are the most important thing to me but at whar cost.  my selfworth,  do i have to live in a box in order to keep my family together. 

hes never been abusive, not physically,  but emotionally, im dying on the inside.  i want to fix this and save my marrige.  i know he loves me but he feels he has to control me in order to keep me. 

any advice????

cherry

[frogntoad]

Jun. 14, 2007 at 11:36 PM

Bless you heart! I think you two need to sit down and talk about this if you can. I would reassure him how much you love him, and tell him about the butterflies and the whole bit. BUt I too, would tell him that you want and need friends, and help him to see that by you having friends that this could not do damage to your relationship with him. Maybe he feels insecure about himself. You do need to have a life apart form him, but this should not harm your marriage, and maybe helping him to see this is what he needs to know.

I have seen many women in marriages where they are controlled, and it is not good, but by talking it  over with him, he can see how his fears are unfounded, and maybe he will be able to work through this. You do need to take care of yourself as well, and having friends will only compliment your sweet spirit. Communication is key. That is my advice. Talk it out. Maybe exchange letters or lists of what is going on. It can't hurt.

You will be in my prayers. Hang in there!