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Question: Do your kids bully you?

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We've all seen it at restaurants, out shopping, at the playground, at school, even at home. Kids are bullying their parents, teachers and care givers. It seems to start at around age 7 to 9 months. It begins with something simple, like fussing when the parent lays the baby down for a nap, like throwing a temper tantrum as the parent is leaving to go out on a date, or maybe as he or she is dropping off the child at daycare before work. Today's generation of child-rearers would have us believe it's just a transition-thing or a way to control their environment. But, let me warn you, it can and most likely will get worse.

In my opinion it stems from the lack of community coming on board to rear the children of today. In days- gone-by when a child was misbehaving in public a random adult that witnessed the event would remind the child in no-uncertain-terms that they were acting inappropriately. The older generation is still want to continue in this tradition.  An example: While out to dinner at a fast food restaurant a lone parent with 3 preteens and 4 youths including one 4-year-old girl were dining at the same time as my husband and I. The lone parent sat with a group of older children and several adults at the opposite side, I mean literally the opposite side of the restaurant separated by an alcove and 3 large booths, away from the 5 youths. A woman, perhaps 55-60 years old and her adult daughter, sat in the booth adjacent to the children. As the noise level and activity of the unsupervised kids behind the older woman increased, and immediately after the little girl shrieked, the woman turned to the group of kids and politely asked them not to scream because it hurt her ears. Why, it was as if a bomb had been dropped on the group of kids! They were so put off that they moved, just one booth over, yet still remained separated from the adults of their group by an alcove and two booths. You could read their faces so well. They were stunned that this woman whom they did not know spoke to them in such a manner. I thought it was too bad the kid's supervising adults weren't there to do it. And had they been there would they have shushed the rowdy kids? What if the older woman shushed them while the supervising adults were there? Would they have received it well or would they have been put off in the same manner that the kids were? Some adults would say..."Hey, they're just kids having a good time, no harm done." But you see, harm is done. Kids need to know rules apply in public. It always amazes me how kids are so quick to through them out when in public. Kids know, you see, that adults are less likely to discipline them in public. They learn this at age 2-3. 

So it goes, the old saying it takes a village to raise a child still holds true. I hope more young parents learn this before our teachers and caregivers are extinct. Do you realize how long it's been since teachers could discipline a student? Now the students are antagonizing the teachers and capturing it on video to post it to YouTube.com. The teachers are helpless, hopeless and on the verge of throwing it in. Spare the rod, spoil the child. Numerous cliches come to mind, but they are there for the purpose to guide and remind us. You get what you settle for. Don't settle for unruly children at home. It spills over.

 

Addendum:

The idea behind kids bullying their parents is that the parents feel guilty and the kids figure this out. I looked at 20 pages of journal posts this morning and found a few related articles in which the parents just might be getting the bully treatment from their kids. I found one other post in which parents validate the Village Raising The Child notion here.

http://www.cafemom.com/journals/read.php?post_id=256454
http://www.cafemom.com/journals/read.php?post_id=256447
http://www.cafemom.com/journals/read.php?post_id=256430
http://www.cafemom.com/journals/read.php?post_id=256396
http://www.cafemom.com/journals/read.php?post_id=256340
http://www.cafemom.com/journals/read.php?post_id=256318

My next entry: Letting kids control us with their anger (or letting anyone control us with their anger).

 

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Comments:

maiso...
Jun. 28, 2007 at 12:30 PM I like your post, it is true.  My daughter is almost 2 and she is testing her limits right now.  My DH and I are trying to nip it in the bud right now.

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missi...
Jun. 28, 2007 at 1:31 PM Dont get me wrong- he tries but it doesnt work!

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Uncha...
Jun. 29, 2007 at 3:02 PM

I wrote a post about being a parent a couple of weeks ago. I couldn't agree with you more.

 

http://www.cafemom.com/journals/read.php?post_id=215626

http://www.cafemom.com/journals/read.php?post_id=216079

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