my sons battle with autism

[colts0102]

my son spoke his first word at 3 yrs 9 months.  my son was tested 4 times because we suspected he was deaf.  we would call him or speak to him and it was like he could hear nothing.  at about the age of 2 yrs he started screaming all the time, covering his ears at loud noises,  hated clothing,  screamed like he was in pain every time we entered a store or mall.  my ped doc would blow me off,  saying that his a typical 2 yr old tantrumming to get his way.  my husband said nothing is wrong,  but every time the behavior would occur he had the same look on his face as i did.  " what the hell is going on?"  that question was in my head for a year.  i knew something was wrong,  but i choose to avoid the arguing and let it be.

but it didnt stop me from trying to reach my son.  i have 3 other children and i would bet money that if you asked them what is the one good thing you can say about your mom it would be that i am very affectionate.  everyone of my kids still wake up in the morning and fight over the cuddly spot beside mom.  typically,  but not always, if your child has autism,  they do not wish to be touched or hugged or kisses.  my son would squirm away any time i tryed to hold him.  even when he was hurt, i was never sure if he was in pain and he would hide and not let me touch him.  this has always been the hardest thing for me with sonny.  i crave cuddling my children.  but my baby,  my youngest and last son,  couldnt bare for me to wrap my arms around him.  " what the hell is going on????"  i went to sleep at night thinking this.  i woke up in the morning thinking this.  what am i going to do?  i started following him around the house.  just watching him.  he would run his fingers along everything.  i started doing it behind him.  he rubbed everything on his lips,  i started doing the same.  for about a month he just acted like he didnt see me.  but one day,  god its like yesterday to me,  he was rubbing a dora the explorer figure on his lips and i was sitting in front of him watching and he looked at me and put the dora figure on my lips.  i cried so hard that you would thing someone had hit me.  at that very moment i decided that i was going to find my son.  he looked me in the eyes and i saw sonny, my son, my baby looking at me and and sharing with me what he was feeling.  i know it sounds like some climax in a movie.  it was a major moment for me.  i spent alot of time trying to get him interested in what i was doing and slowly he began to put puzzles together with me.  he started jumping on me and bouncing on me.  i finally realized that if i hugged him tight  he would let me hold him.  it was still hard on the rest of the family though.  my son went through a faze where every time my daughter walked in the room or my husband came home from work, sonny would scream.  he only wanted me. i was the only one allowed to brush his teeth, give him a bath,  change his clothes,  put him in the car.  it was more painful to them at that time because before he just ignored all of us,  now he acted as if he only loved me.  i started search the web for possible medical reasons  this was going on.  it didnt take long for me to come up with autism.  the funny thing is that i never felt devastation or mourning at that time.  i felt mad and determined to find some doctor out ther to help me.  i took sonny to his ped doc and said im only here for a referral to a develepment ped.  it was the longest 3 months of my life but finally i had the dx.  i still didnt mourn at that time i was on a mission to get him all the help available.  aba,  speech, ot,  floortime,  playgroups,  swimm groups. 

sonny has been in therapy now for a year and a half.  he does 30 hrs outside of the home,  and i have this thing called mommy therapy.  i spend alot of time in his face.  now my 16 yr old daughter,  my 15 yr old son, and my 6 yr old son are mini therapist,  without pay of course.  sonny cant wait for daddy to come home from work and if daddy is home,  he want daddy to give him his bath and put him to bed.  he is still very speech delayed for his age but he talks alot. just in the last few months he has started saying " hold me mommy!!"  i thank  the lord for these words. 

now i worry about what autism means for his future. will he get married,  will he be able to take care of himself?  will he regress?  i have to force these questions out of my head because they are so heartbreaking and painful.  i can only live for today.  only god has control of the future and if i let myself dwell on these questions,  it will distroy me. 

today,  sonny is a totally different child.  he was empty before,  that is the only way i know how to discribe him,  empty.  but but now he is full.  he laughs all the time.  he loves his brothers and sister,  he adores his father and he has endless hugs and kisses for me.  i take nothing for granted.  and saying this doesnt do justice to how blessed i feel to have my son.  he will always have challenges and there are days that i still am at a loss at what to do.  my lbrary of autism books help but they cant fix every battle and challenge we face.  most days i just thing that tomorrow is a new day and hopefully i will be up for the challenge. 

yesterday was a hard day because he is on a new schedule for the summer and he is having trouble adapting to the change.  i was on the verge of crying so i stepped into my bedroom and started counting backwards to relax.  sonny walks in the room,  i wasnt aware because i had my eyes clothes,  and started counting backwards with me.  i opened my eyes and he was right in my face.  he put his hands on my face and said the same thing i say every time his is having a meltdown.   "  its okay,  im here."  i know that this is his battle and his challenges.  i have the easy part and he has the hard part. and we are in this together, and im lucky he is my son

cherry

[wrtmom]

Jun. 29, 2007 at 9:12 PM You have written this beautifully. I work w/ special ed preschool and I absolutely love it. We had a little boy who sounds a lot like your son, he also didn't speak and was hard to reach. He quickly became one of my absolute favorite kids ever. He now carrys on a conversation, is potty trained etc. The therapists did not think he would do many of the things he has mastered. Good luck with you precious boy.

[BELLITASMOM]

Jun. 29, 2007 at 10:01 PM That is so wonderful that you have been able to connect with him.

[nurdrms4me]

Jun. 30, 2007 at 12:44 PM Your words truly touched my heart. Every time I think I've had a hard day with my rascals, I think of all the wonderful moms here on the cafe who go through their own everyday struggles. In your eyes he is your angel, in my eyes you are my inspiration!

[glasladylove]

Aug. 13, 2007 at 6:57 PM Thanks for sharing the story concerning your son with autism. Now I finally realize that I'm not the only one that has had the feeling of "what the hell is going on?". Reading your story about the joy you share with your son reminded me of how truly lucky we are to have children  blessed with autism. Children are brought to us by god with and with out disabilities. I have learned that our children were given to us because god knew that we would have the ability  to see through the disability and see that our children are not really disabled that they are blessed with different abilities that have taught us the true meaning of love.

[cottonmouthgirl]

Dec. 20, 2007 at 9:19 PM Thanks for sharing this!  I agree with glasladylove. I am dealing with the same thing. what is going on. hubby says oh he's just a baby. He is my 4th son and NONE of the others EVER behaved this way! I knew at only a few months old he was "different". He was way more fussy than the other boys ever were. The older he got the more tantrums. We just thought he was PO'd cuz he was the lil one trying to keep up with his older brothers. He was late developing speech and walking. The dr kept/keeps telling me he's fine. I know he is NOT!  HI, I'm Wendy. I'm a mother of 5 boys 16-2 months. My troubled son is Nathaniel and he is 2. I have noticed for about a year and half now that he is "different". He is just now starting to say a few words and potty training has been HELL. He has some strange behaviors that was mentioned here. Actually ALOT of them. The water play and toliet play have increased so much that he is flushing EVERYTHING. He does NOT want to eat, is weird abouttextures. He picks lint and "fuzzys off of things and twist them for a long time between his thumb and pointer finger. He stares at me with a blank look when I catch him and tell him no and take it away.   I just don't know where to begin or start. I am loosing my mind and tonight I felt myself loosing control with him. I called my husband at work and demanded it's time!!!! I've been crying for hours now and after reading these symptoms I KNOW this is what he has and tomorrow I will seek help for our family and my son. I just don't know where to begin where to seek the help. His doctor has told me since he was a baby that we outgrow it, he hasn't and it's getting worse and I'm loosing it. I know this isn't right. He is the fourth child and this isn't just the terrible twos. I am just looking into atusim and learning about what it is. I am 100% sure that he has it.