My dh and I have been married for three years, and one day out of the blue my dh tells me that he'd like to try swinging.  He says it would spicen up our love life, but I'm not so sure.  Is there anyone out there who's in an open marrage?  What is your take on it?  Do you think it's odd that after three years of marrage this suddenly comes up out of the blue?

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brand...
Jan. 26, 2007 at 2:28 AM i dont know what to tell you. sorry i was just cheated on. sorry i am no help

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jodia001
Jan. 26, 2007 at 2:30 AM If you are questioning it...you shouldn't be doing it! I am old fashioned when it comes to marriage. One partner for life...if you find yourself wanting to sleep with someone else...maybe it's time to get out. Just my opinion.

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ImNot...
Jan. 26, 2007 at 2:32 AM Never have been in that situation, so I have no adice from that point of view.  I personally see it as a way to cheat with permission.  To me, part of the marraige vow was to be faithful, that means if you want sex its with me and me alone....Sorry I have no real advice for you.

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NewMo...
Jan. 26, 2007 at 2:33 AM

I can understand wanting to spicen up your love life, but if what you call spice is a new person, then you don't want to spicen things up, you want to change them. Rather than go that route, which can lead to jealousy, distrust and anger, try remembering what you were like in the beginning. Play games, like meeting each other at a hotel in the middle of the day, or surprising your spouse with a sexy night in (kids at grandma's or something.) If you try to suggest these things, or they have already been attempted, and he does not respond, then maybe you need to consider whether you are both still fully committed to one another. Inviting another person to share in something that has unresolved issues, is inviting disaster.

 If I sound concerned, it's because a friend went through the same situation, and gave in. The results were not favorable and ended their marriage. Try to talk to him and find out what exactly is missing, then work it out between yourselves. Best of luck and I hope it all works out for you both.

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summerm
Jan. 26, 2007 at 2:33 AM first id smack my hubby back to reality and ask why he would want anyone else to touch me  haha that would get him lol.  seriously though if you dont like the idea and are uncomfortable as you seem to be dont do it and ask him why he's so interested in being with someone else.

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realgirl
Jan. 26, 2007 at 2:36 AM

My advice is no way in hell! I know I hold a strong opinion on this topic, but what good can come of it? To me, if he really wanted to spicen up the marriage he would go buy you some sexy underwear, ask you to watch videos, buy toys, etc. This seems like a very selfish act on his part. There is no way in hell that I'm sharing my man in the bedroom. Good Luck with him. I think if my husband so much as asked me this question he'd be swinging alright-out the freakin' door! All I think swinging does is leave room for trouble in the marriage. Would he really be okay with another man all over you? If he would be I'd question how? Are you really okay with another woman all over him? Where are the good points of this?

Good Luck with this. I hope you stay true to yourself and don't feel pressured by his desire. Ask him if there are other ways to spicen things up. If he's dead set on this way-I'd show him the highway. Men I just don't get it.

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rache...
Jan. 26, 2007 at 2:38 AM I am not judging but if it were my dh "HECK NO!!!"  By the way, that was shouting but in the form of a quote.  ;-)  Anyway,  Otherwise, I agree w/ everyone else.  It sounds like a "permissable" way to cheat and it is definitely not something you should do unless you whole heartedly want to.

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txsDva
Jan. 26, 2007 at 2:38 AM okay let me tell ya a thing or two my ex husband and i tried it i thought well he loves me i love if if he wants this then i should go along  W R O N G  i used to think i wasn't a very jealous person and that i could handle a lot WRONG once you see your husband in side another  woman  kiss you love life good bye kiss your marriage good bye it is not i repeat not a good idea i felt so dirty ans ashamed and humiliated after this but then i was called a prude cause i wanted to stop and "if you really loved me" or "i guess you don't care about my needs" he ended up wanting me to have sex with her so he and her hubby could watch i ended up leaving he didn't come home that night she then came over a couple of weeks later and thought she was pregnant and that it might be my hubbys i was devastated. so no i don't think its wise and as for the why now ,ask your self has he been different lately moodier overly touchy does he have an immediate couple in mind or just a woman??i hate to say this but perhaps he is already participating hoping to pressure you into it. best of luck

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Mom23...
Jan. 26, 2007 at 2:40 AM This is definately not a "for everyone" type of thing. However, I have seen some great marriages who do this. My husband and I had an open marriage for a bit. Then we dicided to have kids, and that in my opinion makes all things like swinging null and void.  There are books on the subkect, groups you can talk to, even therapists specifically trained in this type of situation.  Message me if you would like some suggestions on how to make an educated decision and help you discuss this for real the pro's and con's with your hubby. Once he hears statistics, he might change his mind. Take care

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wynte...
Jan. 26, 2007 at 2:54 AM Not to step on all the HELL NO's :D but my husband and I have an open relationship and it has worked out fine. If you have any jealous bone in your body then you should not do it. And you have to go in to this with set ground rules. You need to approve of all parties, and if YOU are not happy then he needs to agree to back off.  Always, always be the one in control if you go through with it.  If he doesn't understand that then I say do not do it.

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