It's been 5 months since my father passed away. I've been taking it harder lately than I was before. I think about him constantly. I miss him like no other. I wish he could be here, but at the same time, I wouldn't want him to come back to this horrible, pain-ridden world. I want to see him and hug him and tell him that I love him, yes...but I wouldn't want him to come back to this world where he had to walk around on a cane, lay in bed half the day because his back hurt too bad to get up, and pop pain medications because he couldn't take the pain. When I look back, his family (us) were the only sunshine in his life. Other than us, he had nothing but pain. It makes me cry to think about how his life was everyday when he woke up. I know I'm supposed to think of the good times, and I do! Like all the times we spent together. But I'm in a state now, that all I can think of is the reality of what happened...the pros and cons of it all. I miss him so much.

I guess my brother is taking Jay and I to the Bay City Fireworks tomorrow night. That's pretty exciting! We're going to the carnival there, but I can't ride on any rides. But, it's alright. I love the Bay City Fireworks! They're awesome.

We went to the Cass City Fireworks on Saturday, and I felt Aliana kick for the first time! But, I think it was a pissed-off kick. There's these fireworks that are extremely loud. When they explode, they're just a poof of fire, and they're so loud, it's not even funny. The first one that went off, she popped me hard on the right side of my tummy. So after that, I covered my tummy when I saw those fireworks coming.

Well, I'm going to sleep now.

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Comments:

Jazzy...
Jul. 5, 2007 at 8:03 PM

Sorry to hear about your Dad. :( Just remember he's looking down on you!

 I noticed that you mentioned you went to Cass City & then Bay City's fireworks. Just wondering if you are around there? I'm originally from Bad Axe. Moved down here (Brighton) about 8 years ago now. Anyways, Hope you had a good 4th.

Hope to chat with you sometime.

 TTYL

Take Care!

Nicole

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