Sometimes I feel lost in my life especially when life is tough at times. I  understand how you feel.  In someways the death of your son got you off the tracks in life.  Your life shattered in-front of you like a mirror when you lost you son.  All I can say to you, time comes when we need to pick up our pieces of our life and build a new life-from those pieces.  Because we all have a purpose in this world to do great things.  I'm sure if you don't do accounting you would be fine.  Maybe you are meant to do other things that you never dreamed off.  Nobody knows their future.  God will help you find yourself.  It's so strange I don't know you but I feel so much pain coming from your writing.  I don't think the counselor was trying to upset you.  How often do you do your scapbooking? Maybe she was trying to say that-you do it to often.  Maybe thats how your dealing with sadness and pain. The problem is it's not healthy for us to always feel sorrow u cant give up living.  Your child lives in your heart, he is with you every day he doesn't want you to be sad ,feeling pain for the rest of your life. Your child is with God where he feels joy everyday.  You have a family who needs you,  your love, and your laughter. I too lost someone.  We can't be zombie's for the rest of our lifes. Time will come when we will meet all the people we loved and lost on earth.  We are here for a reason.  You should  go back to work do something else, maybe a new job you never did . At least you can try, maybe you will find yourself faster then you think you will.  One thing I can say life is unpredictable. I wish you happiness.....

RedBug Jul. 11, 2007 at 2:21 AM

THE THOUGH OF LOOSING MY SON TO SUICIDE WOULD PROBABLY MAKE ME NUMB FOR A LONG TIME, BUT LIFE DOES GO ON AND YOU MUST COME OUT OF THIS ROT YOU ARE IN, THERE IS SO MUCH PAIN IN THIS JOURNAL, I CAN ALMOST TOUCH IT, I FEEL FOR YOU, BUT YOU NEED SOMETHING TO KEEP YOUR MIND BUSY, IF YOU ARE FINANCIALLY STABLE MAYBE A PART TIME JOB WOULD BE BETTER, I DON'T KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE BUT THERE IS A COMPANY CALLED GROWING FAMILY, THEY ARE THE COMPANY THAT PROVIDE NEWBORN BABIES PHOTOS IN YOUR LOCAL HOSPITALS, IT IS A WONDERFUL JOB IF YOU LOVE BABIES AS I DO, AND I GUARANTEE, IT WILL GIVE YOU A NEW OUT LOOK ON LIFE DEALING WITH THESE MIRACLES OF GOD, YOU CAN GO ON THEIR WEBSITE, GROWINGFAMILY.COM AND SEE IF THEY ARE LOOKING FOR REPRESENTATIVES IN YOUR AREA, I WISH YOU THE BEST OF LUCK!

older Jul. 11, 2007 at 10:01 AM

It is hard to decide what to do. Maybe tyou could try a differant counsilor. Something else I learned. I put away my daughters things when I was ready not when everyone else wanted me to. At Xmas I still put up her stocking and her ornaments. It is my choice and I even cry to this day and she passed away in 1983. It takes time. try doing some type of work that isn't stressful and do something P/T just to get you started on your road back into life. It will take time but you can do it. Maybe try a home based type business I know there are many here on cafe Mom. Just find something you like and try it. well my friend take care... If you want to talk just call   Take Care Deb  

wymeka Jul. 12, 2007 at 1:06 AM

I lost my brother to suicide, and I can really feel your pain.  His death sent me into a depression that I still suffer from today.  In addition, I also have a scrapbooking hobby.  I know what satisfaction that gives me!

I think is a good time to let go of Jason as your central theme for scrapbooking. I think ,that is what the counselor was trying to tell you. It is not that the scrapbooking is bad, it's just that the focus now, needs to change. And, it's not that you won't remember him, love him and miss him, but it is time to turn your energy to your other child, and your beautiful grandchildren, and You! 

I was off work for 6 months after my brother died, and evenually had to quit the job I thought I would never leave..  I have since found another, which I was also terminated from, after 2 1/2 years.  But, I keep trying, and I too am searching for another job.  I hope you can let go of the current theme of your scrapbooking, and find a new direction for it.  It is all part of the grief process.  You found such a positive outlet for your grief... now turn it into something positive for YOU!  Take care!

Deb

villanovamom Aug. 27, 2007 at 7:19 PM

I lost my son to suicide and I will tell you this.  Do not let go of Jason, ever.  Scrapbook grieve, cry, yell, do whatever you want until YOU don't feel you need to anymore.  You life has changed and will never be the same anymore. 

If you can find something part time to get you out of the house, that would be wonderful.  The sad fact is that the world, our friends and even our family moves on, but we, as parents stay in our grief, missing this huge part of our lives that will never be returned.  No-one will truly understand what you are going through until they walk in your shoes.  I understand that now.

Like you , i dont know what to do with myself.  I feel as though my son took me with him when he died.  He sentence me to death as well, although for now, i am forced to be here. 

Do the best you can to get through each day, find a hobby and cherish the memory of your wonderful son.

B. 

 

bethm367 Sep. 4, 2007 at 11:34 AM

Hello,

I am a new member to this site and I just want to tell you that I am sorry for your loss.  I do not know of the pain in your heart, all I know is that I feel empahy and sympathy for you what you have had to go through.

Where do you get your strength?  You are helping others by sharing your son Jason and you stories.  Thank you for caring about others.

Continue to do whatever it is that will make you feel better moment by moment..it that is scrapbooking...then you go to it.  Plaster pictures wherever and whenever you please!!!  If you need to cry and rant and rave, then do it.  If you want or feel like you can smile..please do, you will help others.

Please know that you are cared for.

Sincerely....Kendal

 

educatedperson Oct. 2, 2007 at 12:36 PM