The Challenge, Should You Choose to Accept It
Make me laugh. Tell me about the craziest member of your family. Names can be changed to protect the not-so-innocent.
We all have that particular member of our family that we really don't want to claim, but we have to live with their antics because unfortunately they are family.
Let Me Tell You About My Crazy Relative - THE WINNER
The first lunatic I am related to is my crazy aunt. And by CRAZY, I mean I think she is certifiably nuts even though I am no shrink. Anyway, just some background information...
This aunt is named Cheri. Not Cheri pronounced "Sherri" but Cheri pronounced "Cherry," like the fruit. This woman is such a narcissist, everything in her house has cherries on it. Her dishes, her crystal, throw pillows, artwork, everything. She has cherries coming out of her ass.
She has pictures of herself up all over her house, and all date back many years ago to when she was thinner. Seriously, she has this photo collage on her bedroom wall and one of the pictures was an old drivers license! I can only assume she thought the DMV took one helluva photo!
Anyway, Cheri got upward of 40 years old, presumably got tired of waiting for a man to love her and decided to hell with waiting on a man to propose. She bought herself a big diamond ring! Now, I'm not sure if she got down on one knee and proposed to herself, but it wouldn't surprise me in the least.
Years later, Grandpa had a stroke. After Grandpa's stroke, Cheri convinced him to leave her everything in his will (She said, "Daddy wanted me to have it all"). He died later and everyone else was surprised when they were disowned. The thing is, even if Grandpa really wanted to disown everyone else, the assets should have transferred to Grandma, who was still alive and in a nursing home. Turns out Cheri, in dealing with the attorney who made Grandpa's will, conveniently left out the part about Grandma being alive.
And did I mention the "card" Cheri got me for my wedding? It was a Hallmark envelope. When I opened it I found a piece of note paper, not a card. She had just reused the envelope. About the paper...you guessed it...there were f---ing cherries all over it! You know...when you care enough to send the very best.
THE RUNNER UP
The second lunatic I will speak of is a crazy cousin. This crazy cousin is morbidly obese. Now, this cousin decides she is going to be a strict vegetarian in an attempt to "get healthy." So, she completely cuts meat out of her diet. Weeks and months go by and she is still large. No one understands why pounds aren't being shed and then it is suddenly obvious. Donuts, cake, and potato chips are not meat!
Do any of you have any stories about crazy relatives that you'd like to share?
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