The Challenge, Should You Choose to Accept It

Make me laugh.  Tell me about the craziest member of your family.  Names can be changed to protect the not-so-innocent. 

We all have that particular member of our family that we really don't want to claim, but we have to live with their antics because unfortunately they are family.

Let Me Tell You About My Crazy Relative - THE WINNER

The first lunatic I am related to is my crazy aunt.  And by CRAZY, I mean I think she is certifiably nuts even though I am no shrink.  Anyway, just some background information... 

This aunt is named Cheri.  Not Cheri pronounced "Sherri" but Cheri pronounced "Cherry," like the fruit.  This woman is such a narcissist, everything in her house has cherries on it.  Her dishes, her crystal, throw pillows, artwork, everything.  She has cherries coming out of her ass. 

She has pictures of herself up all over her house, and all date back many years ago to when she was thinner.  Seriously, she has this photo collage on her bedroom wall and one of the pictures was an old drivers license!  I can only assume she thought the DMV took one helluva photo! 

Anyway, Cheri got upward of 40 years old, presumably got tired of waiting for a man to love her and decided to hell with waiting on a man to propose.  She bought herself a big diamond ring!  Now, I'm not sure if she got down on one knee and proposed to herself, but it wouldn't surprise me in the least.  

Years later, Grandpa had a stroke.  After Grandpa's stroke, Cheri convinced him to leave her everything in his will (She said, "Daddy wanted me to have it all").  He died later and everyone else was surprised when they were disowned.  The thing is, even if Grandpa really wanted to disown everyone else, the assets should have transferred to Grandma, who was still alive and in a nursing home.  Turns out Cheri, in dealing with the attorney who made Grandpa's will, conveniently left out the part about Grandma being alive.   

And did I mention the "card" Cheri got me for my wedding?  It was a Hallmark envelope.  When I opened it I found a piece of note paper, not a card.  She had just reused the envelope.  About the paper...you guessed it...there were f---ing cherries all over it!  You know...when you care enough to send the very best.

THE RUNNER UP 

The second lunatic I will speak of is a crazy cousin.  This crazy cousin is morbidly obese.  Now, this cousin decides she is going to be a strict vegetarian in an attempt to "get healthy."  So, she completely cuts meat out of her diet.  Weeks and months go by and she is still large.  No one understands why pounds aren't being shed and then it is suddenly obvious.  Donuts, cake, and potato chips are not meat!

 

Do any of you have any stories about crazy relatives that you'd like to share?

 

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Comments:

daisynea
Jan. 29, 2007 at 8:12 AM Thanks  for the laugh this morning.  I could think of quite a few, I would be here all day typing.. 

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jalex
Jan. 29, 2007 at 8:13 AM Wow, Cherry sounds really interesting!!!!  My mother has a mother teresa complex..  I love her so much, but she thinks of herself (mother of 2) as superior to all mothers...really!  She has forgotten that I have 2 children and treats me like I NEED her.  The hub has an aunt that is a gay cop...can't beat Cherry : )

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paulad
Jan. 29, 2007 at 8:16 AM

haha-i feel bad for the runner up.  i have nightmares about that happening to me.  i need to lose a few lbs+ but not like him/her.......still the thought of being stuck like that is frightening to me.  so i vote for Cherry.............very amusing.......love the fact that she has cherry everything in her house!  wish i was named after a fruit! haha

i'd love to write about my winner but i am too paranoid to write about others due to something that happened to me at the library.  go to my homepage and look at my journals for the "library" post.  funny story.

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CEastep
Jan. 29, 2007 at 8:19 AM LMAOOOO Andrea....that explains a LOT *smirk* Ahhhh yanno I love ya! My sister thinks she is psychic.......she isn't......but we let her think that to keep her happy lol I couldn't top Auntie if I tried lol

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Seana
Jan. 29, 2007 at 8:48 AM ha ha! this is great! your aunt is most def the winner!

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BreBr...
Jan. 29, 2007 at 9:36 AM I sure know some wakko's but they can't top yours!!!!

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txsDva
Jan. 29, 2007 at 9:41 AM

love it love it love it im laughing so hard im having a hard time typing you made my monday now when my in laws seem bad ill remember Cheri

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saypi...
Jan. 29, 2007 at 9:48 AM

Andrea,

   Thanks for sharing your story, that was too funny!!!!  I'm not sure that I know anyone who is as "special" as your Aunt Cheri! My Grandmother (mom's mom) is kinda off her rocker. I remember going to the grocery store with her when I was about 13.  We were at the deli counter and she tells the clerk she wants a pound of pickle loaf and dosn't want the ends! I know this may not sound soo bad, but she didn't just tell the clerk, she screamed at the clerk. Then  proceeded to tell everyone in line how it's bull sh!t that they try to give you the ends and there are not enough pickles in the ends.  Then in the bread isle (she still does this) she will squish two loafs of bread and then take the third one. She sweeps the street in front of her house and sweeps the trash and such into her neighbors drive way.  A few days after this past Christmas she called me to find out why my brother (he is 25 and has two kids that are almost 4 months apart yes 4 months, so he has NO money right now, it all goes to his kids) didn't give her money for Christmas. I explained to her that he is having a rough time right now and only bought for his kids this Christmas. She just didn't like that, and thought it was rude and blah blah blah. So she wants me to call my mom (her daughter) and tell her that my brother didn't give her money for Christmas, as if he should be punished for his crime!

    We all know that she is crazy,we love her anyway! After all she has had a rough life and if she wants lots of pickles in her pickle loaf then she should get them!

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Bella...
Jan. 29, 2007 at 9:50 AM

Uhhh.... yeah!  There are two winners in my family.  I have a gay male cousin who lives in a very small town packed with lots of family.  Anyway, he decided he wanted to cross dress in order to bed his straight crush.  He bought some breasts and an evening gown and walked to the local bar to seek out his man.  Oh, one little detail to finish off the picture?  He wears a beard and is loosing the hair on his head.

I'll save the MIL details for later...

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NYCMom
Jan. 30, 2007 at 8:58 AM After reading this post I may just call my mother in law and tell her how much I appreciate her!  NOT!!  Sorry...mine are all nuts but none top these.  My cousin and I were once talking about our crazy family and she said to me "Honey they're all nuts except you and me..and I'm not so sure about you!"  I laughed till I cried!

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