Mommy Wars . . .

[marthamom]

starts in grade school. One of the posts I read earlier asked  "Why is it that women feel the intense need to trash other women?  Is it our version of the manly grunt and punch?  Only once men fight it out, they often end up buddies or at least respecting each other. . .we girls just go at each other endlessly, never content that someone won or lost or there was  a draw. " I don't have answers for these questions, however, as I watch my 10 year old daughter navigate through her life I have some thoughts on this.

 When my daughter was in 3rd grade her teacher experimented with putting her class in single-sex groups for an assignment.  Their assignment was to put on a play. There were no instructions on a "right" way or a "wrong" way to do the assignment. They were just told that they were to stage a play from beginning to end. What I saw was truly amazing! The boys started out very physical and lively and were able to move together as a group. The girls talked the assignment to death until they all got into a verbal fight/argument. When the class reconvened as a whole group, the boys had a final product, whereas the girls did not. How this all starts is a mystery to me. Where do they learn their roles? Is it from home? Is it from school? Or both? It does seem to me that as early as 3rd grade certain roles for people are starting to be defined. 

I do think that the media does play a role in this in how they portray the "ideal" woman and man for that matter. Nowhere is there a disclaimer saying that this not  the only way a woman can project herself. As women, I don't think we are taught that it is okay to be who we are. I think we are taught that we need to portray some kind of image of ourselves. And god forbid if someone doesn't fit into that image. 

 I have spent so much of my life on the fringe and not in the "popular" crowd that I have finally decided that it is okay to be who I am and stop worrying about what other people think of me. And it only took until I was half way into my forties. 

Whether or not a mother stays home with her children, goes to work, or whatever, I have to believe we are all doing the best we can for our families. We all make choices that work for our families and that is totally okay. I am also teaching my daughter that we all make choices that work for us and these choices may not all be or look the same as her choices (this is a hard one). I am not perfect - I do find myself judging other people and how they live their lives. The times when I find I am the most judgemental are the times when I am feeling the most insecure about my choices as a mother and as a woman. 

 As my journey continues as a mother, my hope is to teach my children that above all else kindness is something that we all need to strive for.