What I really want.

[emhain]

I’m really disappointed in my hubby today. And as I went through and read over my previous journal and group posts, I realized that I’m pretty disappointed in my marriage and in myself as well. There are a lot of posts about him. A lot of posts complaining about his values, priorities, and morals- as I see them. I really want things to be different.

 

I do not want a husband who helps me to clean up the house.

I want a husband who sees it as his duty to help out.

 

 I do not want a husband who does dishes and laundry as assigned.

I want a husband who sees things that need to be done and does them.

 

 I do not want a husband who picks up after himself at the end of each day.

I want a husband who respects his wife and his home enough to not leave messes about in the first place.

 

 I do not want a husband who will happily watch the kids while I go out for a while.

I want a husband who seeks more quality time with his children.

 

 I do not want a husband who finds a higher paying job to better support his family.

I want a husband who takes a responsible look at finances and makes an informed decision about where our money is best spent.

 

And I do not want a husband who assesses my mood before attempting intimacy.

I want a husband who understands how to change my mood into intimacy.

 

I do not have this husband. I never did. And I can’t accept that. I am not okay with the status quo. Changes need to be made.

 

I need to demand respect.

 

I need to demand a strong, dependable, qualified father figure for my children.

 

I need to demand that the households' needs be met before the individuals'.

 

I need to demand a partner in raising strong, independent, self-sufficient, well-rounded women.

 

 And I have to give a little in return. 

But what if my demands aren’t met? What if my wants go unfulfilled? Will it be enough to have tried? Will I be able to follow through with whatever consequences I set forth? Am I strong enough to deal with what may happen? And what is my part in all this? If it takes two to make a marriage work, wouldn’t it stand to reason that it takes two to make it fail? And how on earth did I let it get to a point where these questions even need to be asked? I’ve been divorced before- did I learn nothing about how to sustain a marriage? 

Where do I go from here…..?

 

[MomOfBriAndLex]

Jul. 25, 2007 at 1:11 PM AMEN!   you have no idea how true every one of those lines is for me....all I can say really is it's time to check that rollercoaster and see if its really worth riding over and over again or if its time to get off and find a new one.... I hope everything works out for you.

[Nonoluna]

Jul. 25, 2007 at 1:41 PM

I know this isn't a one day or one reason decision...things have been building but today was really the one that broke it for you. See if working together, you and your husband can fix this. Not all relationships are made to last although simply walking away would be a failure on both your parts. Good luck and Hugs!

By the way, what you wrote is spectacular. It should be included in marriage vows. Seriously!

[pinklizabeth]

Jul. 25, 2007 at 4:26 PM Oh girl I go through this every day with my husband the only difference is that he blames it on pregnancy crazies! I only had four months in between giving birth and getting pregnant again. I feel for you on so many levels. I have ways to get back at my husband like when he doesn't pick up after himself I hire someone to clean my carpets instead of doing it myself. (he hates that) I know revenge isn't the answer you were hoping for but maybe it will help you smile even if it is just for a minute. I am a firm believer in making it work as opposed to divorce but I also believe in calling a spade a spade. The choice is yours but remember Mr. Perfect is just someone that is made up in the movies the rest of us are left with Mr. Not Even Close To Perfect.

[jnygoat]

Jul. 25, 2007 at 4:47 PM i am with you all the way on what you said it was like me saying it. i have been married for  18 months and it is hell on me