What am I to do?

[aebrown]

I am so upset right now and I need to vent!!  We have been wanting to sell our house and my husband has a friend that was going to buy from us, to help right?  Ok, well I've been confiding in a friend of mine about our situation, I have known this woman for years.  We were pregnant the same time, had our boys an hour apart, same hospital, same doctor, I mean our families are close, her husband was my worship leader at our church years ago...They are needy people, they have ALOt of kids and her husband is always in and out of business for himself or worked for someone and that goes bad and then no job, so money is always tight.  Ok back to the story.  I've been confiding in her about selling the house and then her husband was calling us asking for the mans # that was going to buy our house.  Dave finally gave it to him because he didn't want an sneakiness going behind our backs.   The man with the money should I say decided to go for the better deal and make them an offer on their house.  I feel so hurt that they did that.  These are good friends, or are they?  They have a problem with using people until they are broke, with friends and family.  I am hurt because I thought they would be happy for me and not go and be my competition.  Friends don't do things like that.  I actually thought, maybe I was hurting her feelings by telling her about us  having a buyer.   Maybe I should stop thinking like that and screw everyone else and just think of ME.  In a way I was wrong to put my faith and trust in the man with the money.  I don't like him, he is a jerk, I mean jerk, but a loyal friend to my husband Dave.  I need to put my faith and trust in God. He will take care of us, He always provides.  I can get over this, I will be happy for them, but it just makes me keep more of a distance with them, this isn't the first time they have hurt us and other people for that matter.  I am more hurt that my so-called friend did this to save their ass and leave me in the dust.  Sooo what am I to do?  Do I confront them?  Or should I just forget about it like all the other times and just keep my distance.  I love them so much, its so hard to be mad at them!  We will still be friends, but each time things like this happen I put more of a wall up with them. 

[coloratura77]

Aug. 7, 2007 at 12:00 PM

hey! I jus saw your post. I am so sorry you are going through this with your friends. I don't know why they would think it is okay to get this guys number and then ruin your deal. That's very selfish of them. It's very possible from your description of them that they just have no sense of moral decency...but that doesn't mean they were intentionally trying to hurt you. They just probably figure "business is business" and friendship is a different matter.

 My personal opinion is that you should talk with them...maybe write a letter??...so thy know how you feel. I have a tendency to put a wall up myself. My husband and I have good friends that have thought in th past that it is ok to make fun of us constantly and belittle us if we do things in our life differently from them. Anyway, I finally, after several years of harboring bitterness, broke down and wrote a letter. we didn't hear from them in a month and a half...then the finally started calling us as if nothing has ever happened. But they do not make fun of us or belittle us anymore and the friendship is great!. anyway, i am an advocate for letter since you can edit what you say if it comes out wrong...plus you don' get any interruptions that way.

 Anyway, I almost forgot you live in palm Coast! You were one of the first people I met here on CafeMom. I haven't met any other christian moms from Palm Coast here. Anyway, if ever you want to meet for lunch (or in another public place since we don't know each other. LOL!) Let me know!

[Sodasmith]

Aug. 7, 2007 at 3:13 PM

Hey there!

Here's my OPINION, take it and do what you want with it. My feelings won't be hurt either way. I think you should tell them how you feel. The reason is because you do love them. I'm sure they love you as well. It was wrong of them to play hardball with you all like that knowing your situation. You have every right to feel the way you do. I think you should give yourself some time to think the situation through and confront them when you know that you are speaking matter of factly and not so much from the heart. They need to know how hurt you are. Someone once told me that we should always love our family but we don't have to always like them. This is true for friends too. Friendship is a two way street. If you do tell them how you feel what's the worst thing in the entire world that could happen?? They might not be your friends? If that's the case then they don't deserve the friendship you have to offer in the end anyways. If you want to write it in a letter do so. I personally feel that speaking how you feel to someone shows them how important and serious the situation is to you. Think before you speak, have a start, middle and an end. Don't go on and on and drag it out endlessly. Be direct and honest and to the point. "Jane, I wanted to let you know that Mr. Brown and I are very hurt and upset that you and yours went behind our backs and snatched the buyer of our house right out from under us. This is  something we would never, ever have done to you guys. I shared my situation with you and how tough it's been. I trusted and confided in you and now I feel as though you used my trust against me. I consider you a great friend and I won't ever do things to jeapordize that friendship but I do feel like that what you all did has put a wedge between us. What you did was wrong and we do mind being treated like that. I wouldn't do something like that to a total stranger let alone one of my very good friends and that is why we are so baffeled that you guys did this. I'm sorry if this conversation has made you uncomfortable but I care enough about our friendship to be honest with you when something is bothering me." (just a "for example")

Sending huge hugs your way, I'm really sorry you are going through this. I hope when you do sell your house that you don't move too far.

Hope that helps,

Lisa 

[buttons475]

Aug. 8, 2007 at 3:05 PM

Hey Andrea,

We really need to get ogether and talk!!! I just went through a similar situation. Maybe you can help me and I can help you sort our emotions. I mean it, I am going through the same emotional block. "How am I supposed to feel?" All I know for sure is I am upset and hurt and not sure how to deal with my emotions.

[Lisa-Marie21]

Aug. 20, 2007 at 8:54 PM hey grl..i just read your post.  I dont think that true friends would do that to you.  Just use the desernment that the Holy Spirit has givin to you when you speak to people.  I have learned the hard way not to share my good times or bad times until the time is right.  But you are right have faith in God and he will have his way.  He is our judge and our miracle worker!  As for needy people we have to use our desernment with them too.  We cant give everything to everybody.  We can give what we can when we can when the Lord says so.   I will be praying for your house to sell.