i'm losing my mind...

[furgie-furg]

as most of you know, my dad passed away last week. i have really been struggling to come to terms with this loss. i was devastated for a few days, but now i'm right back in the denial stage. i can't believe it's really true... i feel so detached, like it was all just a horrible nightmare.

now, i don't know what to do anymore... i am driving myself insane. all i think about all day every day is death. no matter how hard i try to put it out of my head. everything i do, i think, "what's the point, i'm just gonna die some day." every time i watch tv, i think, "all these people are just gonna die someday, so what's the point?" my husband and i have decided to try to have another baby... i have been waiting for years for this, you would think i would be bouncing off the walls excited. but all i keep thinking is, "what's the point, we're all just gonna die."

i don't want these stupid thoughts in my head anymore. how am i ever supposed to enjoy my life again? i really feel like i'm going insane....

[artsya3]

Aug. 10, 2007 at 11:57 AM yeah it sucks and my mom died in 2004 and its still like she should be here/ is ..
I think too sometimes everyone going to die,, when you realize this and keep it in your head you'll take more chances with some thing (not thinking bad stuff heh) and be nicer to people you meet and love, for you might not ever see them again and be more ever so great ful for everything that you still have and for the father/or / mother you were given..

make your mark on the world the way you know how and try and bless and help everyone

[lillpop]

Aug. 10, 2007 at 11:57 AM

  I went through this EXACTLY ( I still do from time to time)

  First of all  you cant COME TO TERMS with it yet, it JUST happened sweety.

 What you need to realize is that YES we ARE all going to die at some point ,and that really sucks.

but at the same time your dad DID live his life.

 He had beautiful kids and a wife and enjoyed every minute that he did have .

 It is ( unfortunatly the cycle of life and the way itssuppossed to be. Your Dad got to live his life to the fullest and now its YOUR turn, I am SURE that he would not want you to feel like this.

 The reality is that  there is a point to it all, that point for you is that your kids  NEED YOU just like you needed YOUR daddy .

  You will enjoy life again Sabrina, give it timehun, its WAYYYYYYYYYYY too soon to be expecting not to feel anything but horror and denial and all that good stuff.

 Look at your baby boys now, how they are growing into great little men, how happy and proud they make you , how lucky you are to have them  and have given them a chance to experience the gift of life .

 I know its hard Sabrina , BELIEVE m I know its hard ! But dont do that to yourself. Life IS worth it , imagine if your dad thought this way, you wouldnt be here either . Take it slow hunny.,let yourself grieve.I love ya , and you know if you need me I am RIGHT HERE ~

[becky64]

Aug. 10, 2007 at 12:00 PM i understand what you mean. my brother committed suiside in 2002. he was not only my brother but my best friend as well. we were only 11 months apart and he was always there for me when i needed anything. it hurt so bad and still does. no matter how death hits it hits and it hurts to the core. i am sorry about your loss. somehow life does get a little easier trust me. i think of my brother often. and i was in denial too i thought someone else did it to him. i thought he was not gone it was all a very bad dream and i would wake up and he would walk through my front door. but of course that never happened. but try not to think of death as a ending but a new beginning for the one who went on. and one day you will see your dad again if you believe in the afterlife.. if you are christain ask GOD to help you cope with it and to give you comfort. while you are here you need friends sometimes people are in our lives just for a season and then they are gone we may not know why or understand it but there is a reason for all things. enjoy a new baby time-there is a point and when you hold your newborn the first time you will understand that. you dad would not want you to quit living just because he has gone on.and i bet he never regretting having you because one day you or he would die. life just goes on and you will get better and better just take life one day at a time and get in a group with others who have lost loved ones if you need it so you know you are not the only one who feels like you do. God bless and good luck. i will keep you in my prayers.

[LadyJag]

Aug. 10, 2007 at 12:01 PM

I'm sorry, hon! The loss of a parent is a very huge life-changing event, and it takes more than a week to start feeling "normal" again.

I am no doctor, so I don't know if my advice is worth anything, but it sounds to me that your "numbness" is just a normal way you are coping with your grief. But instead of just thinking about death, or even trying to block it out of your mind (which we both know is impossible), try this:

When you think about death, try to remember a good life experience as well. For example, if you're watching a tv show and start thinking "these people will all die someday," also try to remember a life experience you had doing whatever it is they're doing on the show - playing cards, vacationing, etc. When you remember your dad and think "he's dead and I miss him," also remember a time he surprised you on your birthday or when the two of you went out for some ice cream.

Yes, death is inevitable, but it is not the goal of life. The "point" is that you get all the little joys from life's experiences and also get to touch other lives in the process.

Finally, be good to yourself and give yourself as much time as you need to grieve knowing that, overall, it will get a little bit better every day.

[MomTo2Girls]

Aug. 10, 2007 at 2:54 PM

I'm so sorry that you lost your dad. I can't even imagine how painful it must be for you.

I think that you should remember that you're also going to LIVE. I don't know your life, but I believe in a God who I will see in heaven when my life here on earth is over. I will live forever with Him there! After my husband's sister and his dad both passed away, I have to look at things that way. I know that what comes after this is so much better. And no, it's not an easy road. God never promised us that. But He does promise that He is there for us, and He is always listening. He will bring you comfort if you reach out to Him and ask.

I'm praying for you, and I do hope that you are able to cope and begin to heal from losing your dad.

[klpzack]

Aug. 10, 2007 at 9:26 PM

Don't be so hard on yourself. It hasn't been that long. This will take time. It kind of goes in stages. Give yourself some time, but one thing you could do is find a councelor to talk to. They could help you with your  grieving in some way.

Yes we are all going to die eventually... why make yourself more miserable by not enjoying your life while you have it? You know your dad wouldn't want you to make yourself miserable. Yes it's hard without him here, but don't make this harder on yourself. Have your sad times, but make yourself get up and be productive! Get out there and do something that will glorify your dad's memory! Do something that would make him smile!

[cmb121906]

Aug. 10, 2007 at 11:07 PM I'm so sorry about your dad. I myself thought about death and dying all day everyday. It was like a broken record in my head. It finally went away, but there are times I think about it ALOT. I don't know why I did this, but I did.

[athome4now]

Aug. 10, 2007 at 11:49 PM I think like a lot of things seem useless in our lives if we worry about failure.  Why fall in love when there's a good chance they might leave us, or cheat on us?  Why have children if we feel unsure whether we'll be good parents?  Why live and work at making something of ourselves if we're never going to amount to anything and simply die forgotten?  I wonder if that isn't what you're expressing...?  Grieving is a process with specific stages... you're still in shock!  You're still trying to make sense of it all!  Give yourself some time to really process it... and really come to terms with it before doing ANYTHING different with your life - that's what I recommend!  You can't really move forward until you acknowledge where you've been and where you're at...and where you want to go.  Maybe in the end you'll decide it's not the right time to have another child, but don't base it on what you're feeling now!!  Keep talking about it, Sabrina, because it will help move you through this phase... ((HUGS))  Life is worth living because within it lies the hope and opportunity of creating something, anything... the alternative is death and certain nothingness. 

[brandyluzdavid]

Aug. 11, 2007 at 1:33 AM I AM STILL LIKE THAT WITH MY GRANDMOTHER NO ITS NOT MY PARENT BUT SHE WAS MY MOM FOR A WHILE AND HER LAST WORDS TO ME WAS I LOVE YOU AND IM GOING HOME AND DIED IT HAS BEEN ALMOST 5 YEARS AND I AM STILL NOT OVER IT I NEVER WILL BE SHE DIED ON THANKSGIVING DAY AND I ABSOUTLY HATE TGD NOW AND ALWAYS WILL IT WILL BE HARD BUT I AM HERE FOR YOU IF YOU NEED ME ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS E MAIL ME OR ILL LEAVE MY NUMBER SO YOU CAN CALL!!!!!!!!

[semery71]

Aug. 13, 2007 at 10:04 AM Wow, a lot of great shoulders to lean on for you here!! Personally, I have never been through anything like this, so I know I can't even imaging what you are going through. But there are certainly some good posts here. Lillpop's got some great points. Keep your chin up honey!! I think what you are going through is completly normal. Hugs!!