wives

[momzilla3]

I have been married for twelve years and have three children.Well in these past twelve years I have found that as I have matured because I married this man at twenty years of age that I have found myself becoming agreeable to pretty much everything he has said or done.Now don't get me wrong if I feel like its worth "having a problem with" then by all means I do.Ya know being unfaithful,finances,etc. All these years he has thought that I was an easy-going wife approved of him watching porn on the internet,sex toys for him?,him working 24/7,him drinking too many beers,etc. Just because I didn't put up a fight about it.I told him last night uhhhh.... no I'm just agreeable.What!!!??  What does that mean?  I said I have a problem with those things but its not enough for me to rant and rave about.Well now he says he doesn't even know me anymore,that I have lied to him all these years and our marriage will end in divorce.I told him alot of wives do this very thing and that its a way of keeping the peace because we will just continue to fight about it if neither one is willing to compromise.What did I do that was soooooo horrible?What do I do to fix this??We have been having issues this is just one of the big ones?Is my marriage really over?Help me girls?!Please!

Tags: marriage help

Add A Comment

[GOTTALOVEBOYS]

Feb. 2, 2007 at 1:10 PM That is really shocking to me, because my hubby works constantly, drinks too much and curses like a sailor( he's a constuction union forman, I've been told it's just what they do) all things I could do without like you said. I only don't bitch about it because I know it will cause a senseless fight!! We get along great and we love each other to death, but now you've got me a little concerned if he would feel that way too!! Keep me posted on how things go for you!! Just tell him you love him enough not to bitch and whine over every little thing he does!! He is a grown man, it's not like we can control them and the things they do!!!

[momzilla3]

Feb. 2, 2007 at 1:14 PM Thats exactly what I said!!I'm a little afraid.Its causing a huge rift.

(Original Poster)

[abunchofboys]

Feb. 2, 2007 at 2:02 PM

ask him- would he rather you be constantly nagging him about every little thing and fighting all the time? tell him 'cause ya know i can do that too'  i've done the same thing with my dh- i've given up nagging about stupid little stuff thats never gonna change- not cause he complains about me nagging- i just got tired of hearing my own voice all the time, crying over the same stuff all the time so i stopped. i now take things with a grain of salt and save my energy for big issues that i feel strongly about. i dont want him looking back 15 years from now thinking -'dang she nags all the time how  can i shut her up?' 

[bamabunch5]

Feb. 2, 2007 at 7:15 PM I agree with abunchofboys.  Tell him you haven't lied to him, you've just been a good, supportive wife.  Ask him, "Aren't there things about me that bother you that you've never said anything about because it just wasn't that big of an issue?"  Perhaps if he looks at it from that perspective, he might calm down a bit.  Keep us posted on how things go.  I'll keep you in my prayers.

[Oh_Girls]

Feb. 4, 2007 at 1:03 AM

I agree with everyone. I have been married before and this marraige I decided I wasn't going to nag and complain about the things I know I can't change. I focus on being there for him, supporting his decisions just as he does mine. It is not lying to a person because you don't point out what you dislike in a person. If he can't handle that fact than he is the one with a problem. Unconditional love is not a lie.

[cas18]

Feb. 4, 2007 at 1:13 AM

I have to put in my only two cents here.  I was married before and tried to change him.. failed at that so I know its useless to bitch or rant or be controlling

BUT:   I also am not willing to compromise how I feel.  My husband now knows how I feel about things, what I will compromise and what I won't.  I refused to marry him unless we were both clear on how we felt about things.  SO I dont agree with being quiet its not fair to you or him.  If he loves you truely he will respect your wishes on the things that he knows hurt you in some way because he would care more about your feelings than his desire to look at porn etc.....

Its about respect,, demanding it for yourself and accepting no less and finding someone who is willing to love you enough to give it to you.  Of course this is a two way street.......   Thanks for letting me give my opinion