Family Troubles

[OctoberRain]

What would you do?

The very night Marya moved in she asked my husband and I can she call us Momma and Daddy instead of Aunt and Uncle. Well we told her yes because we feel that she just wants to feel like she belongs and fits in the family. We don't want her to feel less then our other children. My Brother feels that we are doing  something wrong, that it is not right for her to call us Mom and Dad, he is Dad and that is how he wants it to be. This is a permanent placement, so she will be here with us the rest of our lives; if everything works out. The judge still has the final decision but CPS has told us that their recommendations will be to give us custody because neither biological parent will be able to take her back. My brother is Marya's Dad and walked out on her when she was 18 months old, she's 6 1/2 now. She doesn't know him at all. Well he lives at home with my mom. And CPS decided that we can allow my brother around Marya if we are comfortable with it and no matter what, CPS will back up our decision. This is reason #1 why my family is angry with me. Now here is the rest of the reason for all the trouble.

My brother was in rehab when his daughter was taken from her mother, he knew the situation going on with this child. She was removed in December, CPS tracked my brother down and he asked for a DNA test. The test came back in April confirming he was the father and he was released from rehab on June 1st. He went to the CPS office 1 time and met the caseworker and picked up his family plan they made for him to try to work on to gain custody of his daughter. Since then he has not contacted CPS at all. He was suppose to call them and set up a 1 time a week, 2 hour supervised visit at the CPS office. He has yet to call and set up any visits and has not seen Marya at all. He has not went for any of his UA's. He has not been going to any classes and in 3 months he has worked 4 days.

So my husband and I talked and decided that we would not allow my brother around Marya for social occasions because we do not feel it is right. We feel that he should be doing everything the state tells him to do. We think that he should have to work on a relationship with this child. Just because I am his sister doesn't mean that he should get to see this kid as his "Own Daughter" but not have to take responsibility and work to prove himself a father to her. My Mom thinks that I am unfair and poor Chris is not being treated right and she is angry with me because we told Chris that the only way he has to see his daughter is through his supervised CPS visits. 

What do you think? Am I being selfish and mean? I would like to know what ya'll think.

[tazzyt19]

Aug. 18, 2007 at 4:38 AM I think you are doing something great for the little girl.  You as a mother know what is right and wrong for the child.  You will make the right decision.  As long as you can take what your family is throwing you will be fine.  I hope everything goes well for you.  good luck

[wrtmom]

Aug. 18, 2007 at 4:46 AM You are doing a very hard thing and you want to do what is best for the little girl; she wants to call you mom and dad... let her, it will save her having to answer questions from prying strangers! As far as her dad goes, he can be "dad" too, my daughter has 2 moms and a dad and had a step dad; I dont think kids can have too many people who love them!  I would be careful about letting your brother see the child, does she want to see him?  If she does, I would make arraingements for him to have very limited, very supervised visits a few times and see how it goes. One of two things should happen, he will either get tired of it and leave you alone about it or he will see what he is missing and (hopefully)  get on the ball so he can have a relationship with her.  Make sure you have pictures of him and stuff like thast, so she knows who he is and where she comes from. You are doing the right thing by protecting her and making him prove to you that he is serious; but like I said, I would provide very limited visits so he sees what he is fighting for.

[tazzyt19]

Aug. 18, 2007 at 4:55 AM

from what wrtmom said, "I don't think kids can have too many people who love them!"

I always heard it takes a village to raise a child.  I think that's the truth.

[Lil-Jo]

Aug. 18, 2007 at 12:07 PM

Your husband is dad, your brother is her father.  He has proven what type of father he is already so there should be no question with the rest of the family as to what is best for that little girl.