Last summer, I was completely jealous of my then soon-to-be sister-in-law.  Afterall, I was pregnant, which means I was huge.  I can't be that cute little tiny thing with a little perfectly round bump.  I had to have the cankles, the oily skin, and yes, even my nose gained weight.  She, on the other hand, was her model self, skinny, tan and not bloated at all.  While she was lying out by the pool, skimpy bikini made even more skimpy by modifying it to lose those tan lines, margarita or Corona in hand, I was hiding out in the pool, no alcoholic beverage in hand, so my cottage cheese thighs could hide under water and my feet would get a rest.  I had given her all of my pre-baby clothes since I knew they would no longer fit me.  Especially after the baby was born.  And, well, let's face it.  I was stretching it by even wearing the clothes in the first place.  They looked much better on her tiny frame than my chunky pre-baby body anyways.  But then I would see her everyday, looking way better in my old clothes than I ever did.  Why did it have to be so unfair? Picture after picture, she looked ever so smaller next to my constantly growing body. 

The day I went to the hospital to have my baby girl, guess what? She found out she was pregnant.  I know I am a brat, but part of me felt like Monica, when Rachel was 'stealing her thunder.'  Now, during her pregnancy, she is of course super skinny and just barely showing, even though she is already 6 months (I, on the other hand had to wear maternity clothes about the second I found out I was pregnant due to my redistributed weight).  Not a piece of maternity clothing to be found anywhere in her closet.  And yet, all I ever hear about is 'oh my god, I'm so fat).  First of all, you're pregnant, and second of all, if one doesn't know you're pregnant, they still wouldn't think you were fat.  

Last night, we were over at an aunt's house.  Well, she is getting ready to move into this house and I am so jealous.  First off, they will be renting said house from the aunt.  My husband and I own our house (ok, fine, it's just a townhouse, but we still own it).  So it's not like they are going to own it.  But my house is always so cramped (it's 1300 square feet, but I just have too much stuff) and I have me, Gianna, the little bro and my huge dog.  Not to mention my husband when he gets back.  It's not the greatest neighborhood around.  I need a yard.  I need a garage.  I need more space! She is moving into the house that has a 2-car garage, a pool, a yard, plenty of room.  All of this in a nice neighborhood (a neighborhood that I wanted to move to when we bought our house . . . . ). 

I hate it.  I shouldn't be so jealous.  I should be happy for them.  But I'm not.  I'm pissed.  I feel like I deserve the bigger house.  I wish I didn't feel like this, but it is so hard to not.  Am I the only one that gets this ugly green with envy complex and just can't shake it???? 

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tis
Feb. 4, 2007 at 3:00 PM Jocelyn! The great thing is you have quite a few of us out here who are reading your journal entry and reliving some of the same types of moments or months or years in your lives, and understanding everything your have written. I can say I have been in that position with the ugly green thing! hang in there girl. good things do come around!

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Mommy...
Feb. 4, 2007 at 4:08 PM girl, i know how you feel.  this sucks, and you may feel like you have no right to be jealous, but thats like saying you have no right to be human.  jealousy is natural, and it happens.  i remember when i was pregnant i lived with my dad and i was trying to save money and i had a huuuge house for me and the baby, and even Josalynn's dad was living with us.  well then my sister decided to move out of her townhouse and asked my dad if he wanted to buy it from her.  well guess what...he did.  that left me (7 and a half months pregnant) and Josalynn's dad to fend for ourselves.  we had to find a house within 30 days, and i couldnt bring myself to tell my dad that i wanted to stay there cuz he said he wanted a smaller place.  so i know i was pissed, and i know i harbored some ill feelings toward my sister (still do, and it's 3 years later) b/c of her timing.  we are all human and we all are entitiled to feel this way.  so dont worry, just try not to stress yourself out with all of this.  take it as it is (easier said than done i know).   if you need to vent...feel free, i'm here and willing to listen :) 

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momgaret
Feb. 4, 2007 at 6:18 PM

I went through the same thing! I still am too. My sister likes to rub in my face that she sleeps in, goes out and does anything she wants, and that she has a lot of friends, and I don't.

Good news is, I really believe that good things come to those who wait, and our babies will always make it worth that wait!

Smile

You never know, she may be jealous of you...everyone envies everyone else for one thing or another. 

If it helps, I'm living in a somewhat small 2 floor little rented house in Buffalo with my bf, baby K, LP, his roommate and his roommate's son. No lawn, no pool, we can't even fit our cars in the driveway! My bf had to build a room in the basement to fit everybody! Also, my sis is an ex-model, so I've always felt like the ugly duckling.  I do understand where you're coming from, so,  your not alone!!

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misty...
Feb. 4, 2007 at 8:57 PM

I'm formerly a casualty of 'pretty sister-in-law' too-- she looks like a model. Oh, wait! SHE IS A MODEL! (sorta) *sigh*  100 lbs?!!!

My husbands brother broke up with her not long ago, but I remember always feeling inadequate when she was around, and that was even before I was pregnant. Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that I feel ya, mama.

 

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ilove...
Feb. 4, 2007 at 11:35 PM i work at a gym and i got soo big that people who didnt know i was pregnant would tell me that i should work out because i had a free membership.soooo.... i get back to work still looking frumpy and this SKINNEY HOTTT MOM THAT WORKS OUT THERE comes up to me with this TEENTY TINY SUPER SMALL BUMP...( i would have thought maybe she ate too much for lunch.)  and says she's 5 months pregnant and feels sooo fat! I was like i never looked like that even before i was pregnant.. i was green eyes with jealousy too! hOW COME SHE GETS TO BE SUPER THIN AND PREGO? Why did i look like a boobah?

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oops_...
Feb. 5, 2007 at 1:07 AM the grass is always greener on the other side....although it may not seem like it

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mishmash
Feb. 5, 2007 at 11:56 AM

Jealousy is so normal especially when you feel she has everything going for her but let me tell you something I have or had a size 0 cousin who had all the boys great body even while pregnant she did go to a size 12 right before baby was born and then lost it a month or so after going right back to her size 0 yuck gag me excuse me but she is just not so nice to anybody that is above size 1 so know her daughter is 6 and she is no longer a size 0 it all caught up to her finally ( opps ) lol its just that I know how you feel I always was heavier then her even though I was a size 4 I then I got pregnant and went up in weight I have been working so hard to lose it eating healthy blah blah blah but still I have only lost a little of the baby weight and I have been nursing for a 10 mths and being the stay at home mom anything to make my daughters life the best for her and my cousin was out partying right away dropping her kid off as soon as she could here I am working my butt off to give my family the best That can and work on myself when I have time and she wants to be the party girl ( I raised her daughter so I was home with her daughter ) well she was partying

yeah girl I know what you mean and how you feel but in my situation I had to let her go its been 2 years since I have talked to her but she was just all out mean and nasty person to be around making everyone she was around feel bad about them selves in your case you still love her right and it doesn't sound like she is mean just plain to dam skinny lol slip some chocolate cake in her fruit salad lol just kidding your a good mom right concentrate on who you are and how great you are with your daughter I know its hard but look at that smile on your daughters face she thinks the world of you have a great day

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Etern...
Feb. 5, 2007 at 1:13 PM Joc you are gorgeous in every way! don't let her get you down. But I know what you mean i look at these girls that bounce right back after giving birth and I am still stuck with all my weight. Not fair at all!

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Mom2t...
Feb. 5, 2007 at 6:06 PM

It's terribly easy to get into that frame of thought... but if you start looking at things closer, you start to see how good you have it. My sister is (well, was) really skinny too, along with my mom. They are total twigs and eat whatever they want! And they give me crap about being chunky too. Anyway, my sis got pregnant 4 months after I did. I was pissed at first! Everyone was so excited when I told them I was pregnant, it was the first grandchild in the family. So I was kind of enjoying all the attention. And then, wham! My sister drops the bomb! And then all the focus shifted to her, because "she was going to need a lot of help" (according to my mom). I totally felt like she did it on purpose. I got over it for a while, until she had her ultrasound and found out she was having a boy too! Then I was pissed again. But I did eventually get over it. After I started thinking about it, I have a beautiful son, lovely dh, am able to stay home and I basically have everything I want. So who cares if I'm not super skinny or in the spotlight anymore? My life is complete.

Rest assured, I know your dh and dd would never trade you for some skinny supermodel anyway! Chin up! :)

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kristene
Feb. 6, 2007 at 4:40 PM Girlfriend you are a beautiful person inside and out; no matter how you look!!! And as you know, hmmm jealously happens to all of us at some point in our lives, it's how you deal with it that really counts......Remember, good things come to those that wait! (did i just really say that!) we luv ya sweetie!

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