Reading over other journals, posts and groups about becoming a first time mom got me thinking back to when I first became a mother. It's just as vivid now as seventeen years ago when the first of my two daughters was born. My oldest was a stubborn one and still is. :) I was three weeks past due, twenty-four plus hours into terrible labor (including back) and even though they had broke my water I still never dilated past five. So the doctor decided my body had had enough and they did a c-section. Prior to that I remember being so completely exhausted that I literally fell asleep between each contraction. I remember a nurse asking if it was O.K. for several student nurses to observe and not caring who was in the room as long as they didn't touch me. I didn't want to be touched, held or caressed by any one, including my family, friends or significant other. I remember thinking that one of those student nurses was going to be a wonderful addition to some hospital because her voice and words were the most soothing I had heard in what seemed like an eternity. I remember one of my good friends entering the room and accidentally kicking a metal trash can that jerked me awake and left me feeling like I wanted to snap her in half. I remember telling the nurses and doctor that I would be better off going home because they didn't know what they were doing. I remember a male nurse trying to take blood even after I told him to wait because I knew I was getting ready to have another contraction and, from what another friend told me, trying to snap him in half for acting like I could handle both at one time. But the thing I remember most is how overwhelmed with emotion I was the second they put her in my arms. I just never knew you could love something so much and so fast. I also remember that I was seeing a shrink at the time because I had recently lost my mother and I cried to her about the first boy that would break my daughter's heart, the college I wouldn't be able to afford to send her to and that I brought her into this cruel world. I remember the shrink, looking a bit puzzled at my thinking, telling me to take it one day at a time and not think so far into the future but rather enjoy the moment. Seventeen years later, I've enjoyed many moments with my daughter but I've also learned, as my mother use to tell me, that nothing can hurt you harder or faster then your child.
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