SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME!!!!!!

[Paula07]

I can not believe that i am sitting up at 5:55am thinking if him. My stbx and I had a talk last night, and I asked him once more if he was willing to take a separation instead of a divorce. And during that time he and I would kinda of date, see if there is something there worth fighting for. I even said that we could keep the divorce pending and see what happens, but we should be going to court in December, thats not a lot of time to see whats what. I want us to go to counseling and see if we can make it work. I know that I am only setting myself up for more heartache, so why do I do this to myself. Inviting more pain and sorrow.

He and I have not been getting along lately, we have been fighting over his visitation with our son. I talked to my lawyer and he told me that if I didn't stop letting him have our son so many nights a week then he could get joint physical custody, and with that he won't have to pay child support. I freaked and told him that I thought that our son needed to be here at home, to get him in some routine for school. He was not having it. He even said that he talked to his lawyer about having my parental rights temporary terminated until the divorce, saying that I was being irrational and shit, I almost died. How could he think of such a thing. I know that he loves our son, and he wants him as much as he can. I get that, I feel the same way, but I would never of thought of something that cruel. He said that he wasn't going to go through with it, all he wanted was his time with him before school started. He said that when school started that he lnew he wasn't going to have him like he has, and that he just wanted to be with him. How can I get mad at him for wanting to be with his son. Most of the men out there are not like that, they go weeks even months without seeing their kids. And here he calls and says good night to him when he is with me. My stbx lives right around the corner from me with his parents. So when ever our son wants to see or talk to the other parent regardless of who he is with he does. I will not keep him from his father or vise versa. They have a bond, just like my son and I have.

I am not out to screw him on money. But right now I am working 35-40 hours a week making minimum wage. If I don't get some type of child support, I'm not sure how I am going to provide for my son or myself. It took me almost 3 months to find this job. I haven't worked full time in almost 9 years so I don't have the experience to get a better paying job, and my stbx makes over $20 an hour and he his salary, so no matter what he knows that he will be able to make. Me on the other hand, I might be able to pay the rent and the electric bill and put food on the table. And to make matters worse I am waiting for some test results, I had blood work done on Friday, the DR thinks that I am diabetic type 2. And he has already given me the scripts for the pills the monitor and everything else.

So I'm sitting here freaking out! How in the word am I going to do this, and give my son anything but a roof over his head. I was on state aid, but once I got a job that went out the window. I still have the medical part, but my Dr. doesn't accept it, there fore everything that he prescribes and tests that he wants done isn't covered. I haven't had the time to go to a new DR. I started having problems with my sugar and I almost passed out, well I guess I did, 4 times at work. I'm lucky because my manager is diabetic and was able to help me. After that I got into the Drs as fast as I could. I would of had to wait over a month to get into the Dr that takes the state insurance. If I wasn't so damn tired I would be crying my eyes out.

I asked my stbx if he thought that there was a chance that he and I could try again. We know where we went wrong and why, and I think with that we might be able to make a go of it this time. He is being great, when I told him about my health he asked that in the divorce I ask for him to continue to carry health insurance on me for another year, and  he wouldn't fight it. And with it being court ordered the insurance company might go along with it. I hope that it won't het that far!

I am jumping all over the place. He told me that he still doesn't know what he wants, well up until about 2 weeks ago. Thats when I told him that I wasn't going to beg him anymore. Now he is telling me that I didn't have to file for divorce even though he was the one that said to go ahead and do it. I asked him what was I supposed to do, he didn't want to be with me, and he said that he wanted the divorce, so I gave him what he wanted. I was advised that in my state who ever files first usually gets temp custody of the children so I wanted to be the first one, so when he told me to go ahead and do it, I did! I feel like he is playing with me, we go to friend of the court on Monday, so he came over to get his dress clothes and to see about gathering the paper work  that they requested, and I was fine with that, I'm even going to get the paper work ready for him when I get mine ready, its basically the same thing. I don't know if he is just being nice because of that, or because he is just being nice. I'm having some serious trust issues with him, every-time he is nice to me, I start thinking of alterer motives. And thats not me, I am not that type of person. I want to trust him, but he has destroyed everything inside of me.

So in about 2 1/2 hours he should be either calling me or showing up. And I don't know if I'm prepared if he says that he doesn't want to try again. I got my hopes up once before, things got serious between us a few months back, and when I asked  if we were going to try again he said YES and kissed me and left. Well two weeks later he said that he ment we would try and be FRIENDS! I don't know if I can go through that pain again. So I'm sitting here about to be sick, my nerves are so bad. And he could walk in here and say that he doesn't or hasn't had enough time to think about it. He was on his way to work when I asked him again. This is the LAST time I am going to ask. If he doesn't say yes then it is really over. I need some advice and I need it soon. Please even if you read this and its later please feel free to share anything! I'm could use as much as I can get. I am so sorry that this is so long and that I rambled on so much, thank you for taking the time to read this.

[smilingpain]

Aug. 26, 2007 at 7:04 AM dont ever let a man make you physcially sick its bad enough on you that he is putting through this shit and for you to let your nerves get so bad you are up thinking about him and every word he has said to you is not good. i will pray you have the courage to stay as strong as possible he is says he dont want to try.. i have let my nerves get so bad that i was in the ER with my whole body covered in hives and half of it raw from itching.take care of your self first and God will handle the rest

[Lb128f]

Aug. 26, 2007 at 10:46 AM Just sitting here wondering what happened? I hope if you really want things to work that can happen -- but, if he is not fully vested in being together then I hope he will move on. Either way, good luck! I wouldn't worry to much about the custody issue, I have never seen a court remove custody from the mother unless she was hooking or using drugs. And, as far as support -- unless the is keeping your child overnight or an equal number of days per year (or a total of 165??) - your lawyer could tell you the exact number) then he will have to pay support. I am sure whatever he has been saying has been put in his mind by his lawyer, just to use as "scare tactics"...seems to be working. ;(  Just wondering...why did you get a job, doesn't your son need you at home still during the day? He is 7/8?  Didn't your lawyer tell you that your stbx would have to pay spousal support and keep both of you on the insurance? Weren't you married 10 years and a SAHM all that time (or since the birth of your son)? And, just curious.....WHAT did your husband do that started all this? Why divorce not counseling?

[Elven]

Aug. 26, 2007 at 11:03 AM

Do I need to come over there and smack some sense into you?  He does nothing but lie to you.  Hell, he does nothing but lie to everyone he knows.  He said he wasn't talking to "her" anymore and BAM - she shows up on his friends list on myspace.  Come on, girl!  He doesn't want to try again.  He just wants to see you pining away for him and miserable.  And here you are letting him have his way.  There is no way for the two of you to work on things when you both have trust issues.  He told you he was going to let the custody thing drop.  Did he?  Nope.  So don't think he won't try to get your rights temporarily taken away.  And if he does manage to do that - Zachmo will have to stay with him at Grandma's house.  Zach won't be too happy about that.  And the courts might not like that Zach doesn't have his own room over there either. 

You need to stop allowing yourself to think that there is a chance.  He is only playing with you and I know you know that!  It's not wrong to want him in Zach's life, but do you really think he will continue to be in his life as much as he has after the divorce?  Or if you get back together - do you think he will spend so much time with Zach then too?  I don't think he will.  I truly believe he is using Zach against you.  And that completely pisses me off because he is a child and didn't ask for any of this.  Don't you think it is possible that maybe his lawyer told him to make sure he keeps seeing his son as much as he has because it helps his case?  I am pretty sure that his lawyer has informed him of everything.  And I am pretty sure that even though the stbx will deny any filing for joint custody - he knew exactly what he was doing.  The lawyer is not going to go ahead and file any kind of paperwork without consent of his client.  His lawyer probably advised him to file joint custody and he agreed.  This crazy story about not knowing what he signed is bullshit!!!  Everything that comes out of his mouth is bullshit!!!  And you know it!

I know it is not in your nature to think the worst of people.  But you really need to snap out of it on this one!  He and Shane knew exactly what they were doing to you!  They both knew they were hurting you.  I wouldn't put it past Shane to implant ideas into his head.  And no matter what he might say - I know he is still talking to Shane!!!!  So even if he decides to give it another try - how long will it be before the same shit starts all over again?  I am not as trusting of a person as you are.  People need to EARN my trust and once that trust is broken - good luck getting it back.  I did trust him and Shane at one point, but I no longer trust either one of them.  I do think that ultimately Shane was out to hurt you (I'll tell you why later on the phone) and I think that Chris was along for the ride.  They knew they were hurting you!!!!  Chris knew exactly how they were hurting you!!!!  But what was he worried about?  He was worried about how Shane was being hurt by the accusations his own friends were thinking!!!

OMG!  I could go on forever about this!!!  Hopefully you get the point.  Call me when you read this.

[friends4me]

Aug. 26, 2007 at 3:14 PM

Hunny,

I don't know you and I know everysituation is different, but YOU ARE BEING CONTROLED. he seems to be playing you like a fiddle. I USED TO BE THE SAME WAY. I WENT INTO DOMESTIC VIOLENCE SHELTERS WHEN THINGS GOT REALLY BAD THEN I WOULD RETURN AND "STAND BY MY MAN" TILL ONE DAY I REALISED I WAS WORTH MORE. AND SO ARE YOU. YOU DESERVE BETTER, YOUR SON DESERVES BETTER AND IF FOR NO OTHER REASON. YOU NEED TO BRING THIS TO AN END BECAUSE IF YOU DON'T YOUR SON WILL END UP BEING JUST LIKE DADDY CAUSE YOU SHOWED HIM THAT WOMEN ARE SUPPOSED TO TAKE THAT CRAP. That is why I LEFT MY HUBBY. I WANTED MY SON TO GROW UP TO TREAT WOMEN WITH LOVE AND RESPECT. NOT HATE AND TO BE USED AS A HUNK OF MEAT FOR THEIR PLEASURES. (NOT THAT I HAVE ANYTHING AGAINST SEX I LIKE IT BETTER THAN SOME WOMEN BUT IT IS THE POINT OF WHAT I WAS SAYING)

 

YOU ARE BETTER THAN YOU ARE ALLOWING YOURSELF TO BE TREATED LIKE!!

[asoldierswife]

Aug. 27, 2007 at 12:30 AM hey  I hope all worked out for the best  let me know........