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my little angels
- Aug 28, 2007 at 11:25 PM
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Okay....As you guys have probably seen i have 2 babies that are in heaven and i just started thinking, i hope they dont think i did anything to cause my babies to die so i am going to post my story here...
My doctor told me I would have a hard time getting pregnant, due to PCOS, My husband and I had been together for 3 years already and we had never used any form of birth control, yet I still hadnt gotten pregnant.
Then on August 1 of 2005 I wasnt feeling well..I had taken several pregnancy tests the months before and they all came up negative, It was normal for me to miss several periods in a row. I didnt feel pregnant, and I didnt look pregnant. So that morning I went to sit down on the toilet and i felt a gush of water, I started to freak out, I didnt know what was going on...My hubby rushed me to the emergency room were they took a blood pregnancy test and the doctor said I was pregnant but my hormone level was so low It had to have been very early in the pregnancy maybe a couple of weeks, he didnt do an ultrasound or anything he sent me home and told me there would be bleeding and cramping and to make an appt. with my ob for later in the week. I was in horrible pain all night with the worst cramping I had ever felt around 10 in the morning I couldnt take it anymore, so my husband called my ob who called for the results of my blood test from the er the day before and he said he would call me in a script for the pain, but there was no reason for me to come in...The pain was getting worse and worse and i was feeling tons of presure, my husband called my ob 3 more times begging for him to see me, and they told him i was fine not to worry...Just to make a looong story a little shorter I ended up delivering my son at home in bed...The doctor later determined that I was around 18 weeks pregnant when i lost him, and looking at him he hadnt been dead for very long. That was a horrible day for me...WE named our little Angel Lane Curtis Hostetler.
After that my periods were rwegular for a few months, so a few months later when my period was late I took a preg test and it came out positive right away! I was sooo excited, I made an appt for later in the week with my ob and he did an ultrasound and determined i was 8 weeks pregnant..When i got home i did some reserch into why i could have lost my son so late in the pregnancy, and one of the reasons was a weak cervix or incompetent cervix..So my next appt I discussed it with my doc and he didnt think I had that, my cervix looked thick he said...
My pregnancy was going well and at 20 weeks i went in for an ultrasound to see how the baby was doing and we found out we were having a little girl! I was so excited. we went in for that appt on a tuesday. Saturday morning I woke up around 9 am, my hubby had the day of work and was out mowing the lawn, I started feeling some predure in my lower back, but it just felt like i needed to go to the bathroom, so i went a sat on the toilet, and as soon as i sat down my water broke...My hubby rushed me to the emergency room..They immediatly did an ultrasound and our little girls heartbeat was vaery strong and looked good..they sent us up to L&D and monitered me...Our little girl was fighting to stay alive..but 8 hours after my water broke they came in for another ultrasound and her heart had stopped..I delivered her naturally and they let us keep her over night with us in the room...My heart was broken. We named our little Angel Essabella Frost Hostetler..She was so beautiful..Already had fingernails and Toenails and hair, with a perfect little nose and big lips. I didnt even want to live! All I had ever wanted was to be a mommy and now I couldnt ever see that happening! I didnt even want to ever try again at that point. So when i went back for a check up 6 weeks later my ob, said he felt bad, and the only reason he could figure for the loss was a weak cervix! I was Mad as hell!! If he had only listened to me in the begining I would have my little Bella! So he said if we decieded to try again he would put in a cervical cerclage and it would keep me from dialating and I had a good chance of carrying to term.
Then in september of last year I was late again....and was pregant..I was scared to death!!! at 10 weeks my doc put in the cerclage, at 18 weeks we found out it was a boy then at 33 weeks my cerclage came out..and my beuatiful baby boy was born May 17th 2007 at 8:36 in the morning. He weighed 7lbs 13 oz and was 20.5 inches long, he was completly healthy and is the love of my life we named him Acen Lucas Hostetler "Ace".
He will grow up know about his big brother and sister and know thet are angels in heaven, and are always watching over him! August 1s we went and bought Lane 2 ballons and attached a note and sent them to heaven telling him happy birthday we also have a memory box for both Lane and Essabella...Lane now has 2 birthday cards in his box and Essabella whos birthday was April 25th has one ...We also plant a new tree for them every year. WE will never forget them
Comments:
i think im about to cry
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im so sorry but im really glad ace is ok and healthy. i wish doctors would listen..
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I am so sorry, but thank you for sharing. I just lost my baby boy last night, I was 18 weeks pregnant. I am having a real hard time dealing with it right now. Congratulations on your miracle baby! I know you will love him well! Take care...he is precious and so adorable! (love the name)
- mamacrabapple
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