The Mortal Sin of Kilt-Wearing

[Cecropia]

Read this and tell me you don't have your mouth open in amazement (and likely anger). Some text made bold by me.

From the Republican Faith website, formerly Baptists For Brownback 2008

"The Sissification of Seattle"

http://baptistsforbrown2008.wordpress.com/2007/07/28/the-sissification-of-seattle/

Appalling news from the West Coast: The latest strain of the disease, uber-liberalism, has crept its way up the California coast and into Seattle, Washington. Men’s skirts, it would seem, is what the fashionable-fairies from San Francisco to Seattle are wearing this season. They are no longer content to swish and prance about in shorty-shorts or repulsively tight slacks anymore, so they have began wearing women’s clothing.

The kilt, long associated with those ghastly Scots, has seen a drastic increase in popularity among the jet-setting homosexual crowd. One manufacturer of this perfectly obscene item, Utilikilts in Seattle, was recently interviewed and subsequently featured prominently on the front page of Yahoo News. (See links below)

Friends, we are living in a world where nothing is sacred and very little is left to the imagination. The very last thing we need in this country is for homosexuals to be permitted, by law mind you, to wear a skirt. It is understood, that while the sodomite would unnaturally embrace the feminine attributes of a man-skirt or kilt, the main purpose is that it grants them easy and quick access for fornicating.

Something must be done to stop this horrendous fashion-do not from making its way into your Christian neighborhood. Immediately I might add for the children must be protected from ever seeing such a thing. I suggest contacting your Senator immediately and inquiring about any laws regarding indecent exposure, which might apply tom this disgusting fad.

No real man, not a heterosexual one with a shred of self-respect, Scottish or not, would permit himself to be caught dead in a skirt, unless he was playing the bagpipe while in Scotland, at a historically-themed wedding. Even then I find his heterosexuality suspect at best.

Drumroll, please, for the follow-up message.

http://tinyurl.com/yth5oq

"Update: Some kilt-wearing men might be heterosexual after all"

Dear Angry Kilt-Wearing Men,

Obviously, many of you feel very strongly about your right to wear “kilts” based on the responses as seen in the post titled: The Sissification of Seattle. Regardless of how foolish a man looks in a skirt, I have spoken to several of your women via email who have convinced me that they believe you to be completely heterosexual. Having faith that a percentage of women, albeit a small one, possess the intuition to discern whether her husband is not taking her for a fool, and not out having abominable same-sex relations, I will agree to believe that some of you are not sodomites. That said, there arises an equally as disturbing of an issues, if you are not in fact a homosexual then why would you want to wear a skirt, or kilt if you will. The only rational conclusion I can come up with is that the freedom of not having slacks with zippers and belts, grants you easy access for spontaneous fornication. Providing that all intimate relations occur solely between yourself and your legal wife, this may not be a mortal sin, as is the sin of sodomy. However, this opens the door to instances of carnality that lay outside of the golden rule: Sexual relations between a man and his wife are for procreation, not recreation. Additionally, there is the problem of what does a man wear beneath his “kilt” which would deter him from self-abuse and abnormal excitability.

As you can see, the heterosexual man is also at great of risk for sinning, though perhaps not as frequently or with the promiscuity of the sodomite. I welcome all rational and reasonable input on this matter. Brother Davis, our outreach minister and Resident Pastor, Tobin Maker, D.D. have been asked to preside over the discussion in part to keep it clean and biblical in nature. References to your manhood and/or matrimonial sexual escapades will not be tolerated.

Thanking you in advance for your acceptance of my apology and for your complete cooperation in keeping this discussion clean and in impeccably good taste.

YIC,

Mrs. T.D. Gaines-Crockett

Then if you have the stomach for it, read the responses from this lady and her friends to comments.

" Dear Hil2008,

Sexual relations are not intended to be fun. Should you find yourself enjoying your spousal obligations then I suggest that you contact your minister post haste lest you turn into a whore.

Dear Whodat,

After spending the afternoon in prayer over this matter, the Lord came to me and assured me that the sin of kilt wearing is less grievous for the heterosexual than for the sodomite. It is however still a fashion disaster and an invitation for carnal pleasure aside from that leading to proliferation. We must continue to minister to and educate these men, no matter how foul and unconscionable the act of effeminate dressing may be."

"Dear La Mona,

You, young lady, have no business reading that particular Book of the OT [THE SONG OF SOLOMON!!!] without a parent present. Some things are simply too advanced emotionally, even for someone of your “indisputable genius”. I have read the entire Bible 13 times for your information, so yes, I have read the Song of Solomon but I shan’t discuss it with a minor child."

So what about elastic shorts? Those are pretty easy-access. Or women wearing skirts? How about boxer shorts with an opening in front? The horror!

How about that respect for Scotland and its heritage?

I simply cannot believe that Sola Scriptura folks would mark any part of the Bible off-limits to minors. The Song of Solomon! What, are kids allowed to read about the sexual transgressions of so many biblical characters weaving through the Old Testament, and the violence, but not the Song of Solomon! "It's sinful for you to read that part of the Bible." What!?

Apparently these people don't know that if Jesus were here today there is a good chance that he would be not be dining with them this evening, but rather with kilt-wearing homosexuals. I hope they wake up soon.

"I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ." - Mahatma Gandhi

[RedneckMamma]

Sep. 8, 2007 at 11:22 PM omg! That was both hilarious and so.. so so so sad. My husband and I were both torn between tears and the urge to reach through the computer and smack the stupidity out of 'em.

[iltemprd]

Sep. 8, 2007 at 11:46 PM Unfortuantely, it is comical how stupid some religious people can be.  Makes me wonder which one of them has a kilt in the closet themselves.  We are not Scottish, but if we were, I would almost insist my hubby wear one daily!  AND enjoy it!

[stefanierios]

Sep. 8, 2007 at 11:57 PM

Prudes, uptight, sexually oppressed - just some thoughts that come to mind when reading this.  People are so stupid sometimes.  I must be a whore because I definitely enjoy sexual relations with my husband - oh and my tubes are tied so there's no chance of procreation - but we still have sexual relations anyway!  LOL  I'm such a whore!  If sexual relations are not intended to be fun, then why does the clitoris exist?  Where in the bible does it say that anyway?  Just b/c one woman has no sex drive doesn't mean none should.

Stop wasting your time with this stuff and getting us all riled up w/ these idiots idiotic thoughts!  LOL

[Cecropia]

Sep. 9, 2007 at 12:23 AM

Stop wasting your time with this stuff and getting us all riled up w/ these idiots idiotic thoughts!  LOL

Why?  These people fascinate me.  In fact, anyone who acts hypocritically fascinates me.  Including myself ;-)

Seriously, I consider it a warning to Christians who find themselves so wrapped up in sins and condemnation that they lose sight of what their religion is supposed to be about.  No, it's not supposed to be fluffy-happy, anything-goes, but in the end it is supposed to be about love!  These people are showing something ugly... not love!  Homosexuality has become such a crucial flashpoint to so many; it seems like some people are almost obsessed with it and how sinful it is.  No, don't make a joke about how they are in the closet.  I think the mixture of religious zeal and visceral disgust (cultural) cause the obsession.

I also think it's fascinating how the author mixes culture and religion.  So, here in the USA, men are supposed to wear pants with a belt and zipper in order to "dress like a man."  And any other culture where the men dress otherwise is sinful.  Not exactly biblical... but definitely a product of cultural norms.

(Original Poster)

[fulqvr]

Sep. 9, 2007 at 9:27 PM I couldn't tell if this was serious or not, at first! Especially after reading your post about  Ron Paul. But, in the end, it's hard for me to believe people actually think this way! I happen to have attended a Baptist church when I was little. It was my first experience with church. Mostly, they were nice people. But, Baptists really seem to be extremely conservative - even more so than I am! And that's saying something! LOL I just find this shocking.