Husband

[celadon]

We have been together for 6 years, married for almost 4.  Most of the time we do very good.  Until I get "bitchy".  He says he likes strong women but I think he needs someone who is more subservient and willing to drop everything for him, while not being unhappy with him a bit.  Lately, his new project is blogging about politics and he spends every waking minute doing it.  If I ask him to spend any time with us besides dinner, he gets pissy and says he is doing something important.  He thinks he is going to change the world.  "People who say they care and then don't do anything about it are immoral" he says.  So, to him, sitting in front of the computer and ignoring us is "doing something about it".  Except what happens if he dies tomorrow?  Then if we get into an argument, he just throws in random stuff he doesn't like about me that has nothing to do with the current topic.  He only thinks of himself and if I dare tell him that he says "Yeah and that is why I work my ass off to let you stay home.".  He acts like his job is hard.  He sits and talks on the phone all day.  I mean, I can understand that it may be hard because he doesn't like it... but quit whining and get a new job.  I however DO work hard.  I work 24/7 quite literally.  With 2 people that are seldom happy with me for what I do.  I am a stay home mom.  I feed my family very healthy homemade meals, I breastfeed, I have to go to the laundromat because we live in a crappy apartment (some providing he is doing there!  I mean where is my house?), I also have no dishwasher so I do dishes by hand 2 or 3 times a day, I am the one who does EVERYTHING but work outside the home.  If it is in the house, I do it.  With one exception... relax.  Then if I try to tell him all I do, he just says "Hey nobody is asking you to do all of that."  Oh you stupid-head!  Like he is gonna all the sudden get the motivation after all these years to take out the trash!
 

I am just wanting to feel a little more appreciated.  My whole life revolves around this family and I never get out of the house.  I have NO friends.  So, I mean what would I do?  Plus we are broke half the time.  I just want him to look at me like he used to.  I want to feel special.  He acts like that is something wrong... or something I might as well give up on.  Why don't I deserve it?  I can't even think of the last romantic gesture from him.  I would love to be romantic with him but he just laughs at stuff like that.  I feel like I am lost as a person.  I give every bit of myself to him and the kids and there is nothing left.