thelovehater on E-mailing For Jesus

[thelovehater]

Just stop it. Point blank: Religious reprimand in the form of e-mails, posts and Myspace bulletins are meaningless. You will not get a gold star at the Pearly Gates. You will not collect $200.

"SAY THIS SLOWLY:God. I. love. you. and. I. need. you. Repost this within 5 minutes and title it: PaRtY FrIdAy. A miracle will happen tonight. P.S. Do not ignore *God works in mysterious ways"

A miracle will happen tonight IF I repost this bulletin to a couple of buddies? Will I wake up with a perky, full chest that doesn't resemble orangutan titties or a pair of half-filled water balloons? Might there be a bag of unmarked 100 dollar bills at the foot of my bed in the morning? Will my daughter sleep in until 9 a.m.? Well, lemme tell ya! No. There will be no miracle. I will wake up early and broke with saggy boobs.

And what's with the trickery?

Repost this within 5 minutes and title it: PaRtY FrIdAy

Isn't that a little like inviting a friend to church, under the wistful guise of an early morning keg party? No one is going to fall for that once the organist begins to play and a bunch of nicely-dressed people begin filing in with coffee breath and Juicy Fruit.

Here are the facts-- God does not have a Myspace, a CafeMom account or an e-mail address. If he did, I'd know. Trust me. I know everything.

God did not write that bulletin, nor did he send a prophet to do it for him. Some melodramatic person (probably female, in junior high, still tripping over an AWESOME Vacation Bible School), started the whoooooole thing, right after reposting for Matt Dawson who is not suffering from both a large brain tumor and severe lung cancer and getting no response.

Wanna preach the gospel? Wanna spread the WORD of GOD?! Wanna just shout it from the rooftops that you love the Lord? Go for it. Turn off your computer and crack open that dusty Bible and read until the return of Christ. Perhaps you should do some volunteer work in church nursery on Sunday mornings. But stop; For the love of all that is pure, STOP disrespecting everyone within e-shot of your gullibility and lack of self-control.

[PerpetualPonder]

Sep. 18, 2007 at 11:09 PM

Hear hear!!  E-tards.....lol.

[mama_maggie]

Sep. 18, 2007 at 11:10 PM

WOOO HOOO! thank you! i am a christian woman, but thoes rediculous "recieve a miracle if you repost" crap isn't just annoying, but blasphemous. only God hands out miracles. not cyber-retards!

[uneekmom]

Sep. 18, 2007 at 11:12 PM thank you for this post i totally agree with you and im glad someone finally said something about those stupid email things.

[heyiheardthat]

Sep. 18, 2007 at 11:25 PM LMAO!  The ones that get me are the ones that suggest I'm ashamed of my faith if I don't annoy the hell out of 15 or more friends by forwarding it to THEM.  Get outta heya...

[raisethepraise]

Sep. 18, 2007 at 11:36 PM   HELLO I JUST WANT TO COMMENT ON WHAT YOU WERE SAYING. FIRST OF ALL I HAVE A MYSPACE AND I HAVE REACHED SEVERAL PEOPLE THAT NEEDED TO KNOW WHAT GOD CAN DO AND HOW TO GO ABOUT HELPING THEM WITH THE PROBLEMS THEY MAY HAVE. I UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU ARE SAYING  AS LONG AS THE PERSON IS NOT TELLING  A LIE. ANYONE WHO IS STATING ANYTHING ABOUT JESUS NEEDS TO MAKE SURE THEY ARE STATING WORD FROM THE BIBLE. WE NEED TO PRAY FOR THE CORRECT WAY TO HANDLE SITUATIONS LIKE THAT. RAISETHEPRAISE

[klpzack]

Sep. 18, 2007 at 11:46 PM

AMEN SISTAH!!!

E-TARDS! Love it! Like heyiheardthat said, the ones that try to guilt me into forwarding it, or else I'm ashamed.... DELETE! I'm not ashamed but don't forward the stupidity either! 

[3bs]

Sep. 19, 2007 at 7:40 AM Another example of why I like you so much!!!

[RArnold18]

Sep. 19, 2007 at 8:15 AM

Even though I have witnesses a miracle (Mason surviving his near drowning in March), it sure the hell wasn't because of a stupid chain letter type email that told me I was going to hell if it wasn't re-posted. #1, I'm probably already going to hell, #2 , I just delete them as they come, the ones I get usually come from my SIL....grrrr doesn't she have anything better to do?

[reflextherapist]

Sep. 19, 2007 at 9:36 AM Thank you... I'm getting a bit bored with the 'e-chain' letters... of all types.  I'm surprised that they become so popular, too? 

[yogapantz]

Sep. 19, 2007 at 11:11 AM If God or Jesus either one was going to smite me for not listening to e-dreck commanding me to forward a lame poem with some glitter angel graphics to everyone I know, they would have done it years ago when the glurge meisters first became computer literate and started spreading the shite around.  I deleted it from the get go and continue to do so.  And if someone has a come-to-Jesus moment from a bulletin they receive on MySpace, forgive me if I automatically assume it's not going to take.