How will I find the courage.....

[littlewolf]

Hello everyone.....  I don't post very often but tonight I have a heavy heart.  You see my son has mental problems and emotional problems.  And was taken to the state hospital about 1 yr ago.  He was released about 4 months later to a foster home because he had threatened to harm my other 2 kids.  They said he would have to stay there for about 1 yr, and we'd review things then...........  Well, things haven't gotten any better!  Now my lil guy ( 9yrs old almost 10 ) tells me that he doesn't want to live with us because he doesn't want to live with his little ( 4 almost 5 yrs old ) brother!!!!  Mentally he can't deal with him.  My 4 yr old is a active little boy and wants to play with his older brother, but my 9 yr old can't understand that this is normal.   

So I sit here tonight trying to take my mind off of things and I realize I am going to have to choose!!  How in the he-- do I do that?????  These are my children!!!!!  Your not suppose to have to choose!!!  My heart is in pieces over this.....  I've been going through problems with him for about 4-5yrs now........ and all the so called treatment, hasn't helped thus far!  And his attitude hasn't changed over the past year toward his lil brother.

Again, I'm sitting here, with the realization that I'm going to have to choose between my children.........

I pray to god that none of you ever have to go through this.....( I mean,  I'm sure that I'm not the only person to have to do this, but may you that haven't ever gone through something like this, ever have to go through this!! )

I love all 3 of my children and your not suppose to choose!!!!  But when it comes to the safety and the well being of your other children.........  I know what I must do.

I'm just wondering if anybody here knows what I'm about to go through???  How the hell do I face this????   I LOVE my son!!!!!!!!  Giving him up wasn't supposed to be an option!!!!   I've been taking him for family time visits for a year now.  We have him stay overnight and they fight the whole time he's here!!!  The stress level goes through the roof when he walk's in the room!!!  ( Mainly because we have no idea of what mood we are about to face.... what kind of day did he have..... did anyone else piss him off before he came over......  did things go his way today.......)  These are things we have to be aware of BEFORE he gets here!!!  And hope we can deal with these issues while he's here!!!

Am I alone in the world????

Cause I sure do feel like it.........

My heart is breaking.....

I wasn't supposed to have to choose.........

He's a part of me and he's broken.........

Why can't I fix him........

I wish I could start over......

I'm not sure I can live my life with-out him........

My lil man...... I LOVE HIM!!!!!

How will I ever go on...........

 

Please!!!  I need a shoulder to help me through this...... I'm so torn........

God bless you all and thanks for being here.......

                                                                                    " Littlewolf "  

[thebrtn7]

Sep. 24, 2007 at 12:40 AM

I do not know what you are going thru but I do have a shoulder...

have you guys ever been through a GOOD counseling session?  did you ever have hope in any program with family counseling, not just for the 9 yr old but the whole family?

[maribelsplopuko]

Sep. 24, 2007 at 12:46 AM

Hi. I am new to this Cafe Mom thing, and reading all the journals here i am amazed about the things we moms go through.

  I read your journal and i am not going through what you are going through or have ever, but having to choose between your kids, is a very hard thing...no matter which way you put it.

why or when did this mental problems appear? it seems like there is more than just this...what is "clinically" wrong with your 10 year old.

did something happen to him as a child.?? how did you learn something was wrong with him?  I think you need to back up a bit and find out what is exactly wrong with him, have you ever sat down with him...one on one and asked him ...what he needs? what bothers him? what can you do to help him?

I think before you choose to "choose" between your kids...i think you need to look for other options...such as how to deal wiht his "mood swing" or his "out of control reaction"...think ...what is triggering him...i understand you dont want to make the rest of the familiy "walk on egg shells" over 1 son/daugher/child, however...look for other options...how can we "as a family" help our "needy" one...think about this...if you had a child that was handicapped...couldnt walk let's say for example...this would require alot of attention, from you and the whole family...would require him/her being in a wheel chair...woudl possibly require people walking things over to him/her since he/she can't walk, would probably require helping with the bath, etc etc etc....so being this "needy" kid requires this much attention, so what you are saying is you would "need" to get rid of him/her?.....think about this example.....it is similar to what you are going through....a child that requires "special needs"....means that....doesnt mean you get rid of him/her...but you as a family needs to adjust to this child...

think of other options....I would love to know what exactly is the problem with you 10 year old, I am sure we can brainstorm other options that would help to keep your family together.

maribel

[littlewolf]

Sep. 24, 2007 at 12:48 AM

We've done the counseling thing,  I've had county workers helping for the last 3 years.....

My son is ADHD, OCD, ODD, possiable Bi-polar,....restless-leg-syndrome,.... tic-disorder,....etc......

He has just about all the letters they can cram behind his name...... 3 hospital stays, 3 psych Dr's, 4 counselers, and countless county workers, Oh and 1 time of being commited to the state hospital for the mentally ill.....

If they suggested it......we tried it.....

(Original Poster)

[littlewolf]

Sep. 24, 2007 at 12:53 AM

The problem is that he's threatened to kill my other two children...... " Get them while there sleeping"  or we've herd " I'll push you down the stairs"  And the last act of violence he did before I called in county is that all this time he never threatened me..... I called the county worker and they called the police when he also tried to come after me........

I apologise for not telling the whole story.....I didn't want to have to tell everything...... 

(Original Poster)

[robinc53_f]

Sep. 24, 2007 at 12:57 AM Holy crap Becky...I am so sorry you have to deal with this.  My heart goes out to you and your family for having to deal with all this. I know we deal with my son who has OCD but that is nothing compared to what you have to cope with. I wish there were some words to comfort you at this time. 

[PurpleButtons]

Nov. 9, 2009 at 3:02 AM

I too had to choose.  I was seriously ill, and my mother took my oldest two children temporarily.  When the temporary order was almost up, she fled the state with them.  We spent years tracking and trying to regain custody of them.  In the mean time I had another child. 

When she was five, we were told she possibly had a brain tumor.  The next day i received a registered letter in the mail charging me with desertion of my other two children. My mom had filed for permanent custody.  I had proof she was lying and that we had been pursueing her for years, but I couldn't leave my youngest and go over 1,000 miles away to fight a court battle. 

There were several reasons for that and we won't go into it, but I felt I had to choose between two children who barely knew me now, (though they were no less a part of my heart), and the child I had at home who needed immediate attention.

I finally allowed the adoption to proceed and took care of my youngest child. Fortunately there wasn't a tumor.  She did have a serious brain injury, which we deal still.  She was diagnosed with a personality disorder and behavioral disorders along with alot of alphabet soup.

I don't have much of a relationship with the older two though they know where to find me and are in contact with their sister. It was a hard choice to make and I feel your pain.  Because my youngest has exhibited some of the same behaviors as your son, I can truly understand......that being said, you have to keep yourself and your other children safe, even if it means making a choice.

I'm so sorry you have had to go through this.  It is truly heart wrenching. I'm on the comp a major portion of my day so feel free to buzz me when you need a shoulder.  I'm also on FB, so I'll send you the info you need to find me there from a PM.

May God bless you and give you strength, you will be in my prayers always.