feeling a little, no feeling a lot of feelings

[LovetheCards]

Well I found out Friday evening that a friend of mine committed suicide. It was someone that was from my life with my ex husband. I had no idea how to deal with this, as I have remarried four years ago. I have two children with my ex and we were together for about 11 years. I just felt so much pain and do, but don't know what to do with it because my husband now is not a part of this. I feel loss and I also feel loss that I have had to repress because I don't want to disrespect anyone. I didn't even know if I should go to the funeral services. It was such a difficult situation and I did not want to add to that for my ex husband. I asked him if he thought I would be disrespectful to him if I went and I think he was amazed. Things are okay with us as ex's, but you know we are ex's. He said he really appreciated me for asking, but he never imagined that I wouldn't be there. Anyway that was my answer. So I went and saw people that have hated me for years for divorcing him, but I received so much warmth from people that have not spoken to me for years. I just wanted to share this because it has been so hard for me to grieve, and I just wanted to say that sometimes we put ourselves out there and not sure of the outcome, but only do it out of respect for those you care about and you don't have a clue what the outcome may be. The thing is to me is I think I learned a huge lesson and I will always put myself out there even if I have to face ridicule. I on the other hand received warmth and respect. It is because I did the right thing!