Dissapointed In CafeMom

[BelysiaMommy]

I know this is going to start a riot, but I just had to say it- every time I read a post about marital problems, some of these posts are about normal wifely complaints such as , " He doesn't pick up after himself" or "he complained about my cooking", some may be a little more emotional about having to move while in the military or not being able to spend a lot of money.

I realize that men can be frustrating at times, REALLY EFFING FRUSTRATING!!! But girls, we all have families and husbands are a very integral part of families. I am so dissapointed in the replies that are being posted to various journals asking for advice on husband complaints. Ok, I can see telling a woman to leave if she is obviously being cheated on, but advising women to disrespect their husbands and just , "Tell it  like it is" is hurtful and damaging. Sometimes if you are told something enough you begin to believe it, and with all of us advising these women to leave or to put their men in their places is eventually going to have some effect.  As ''friends" our first concern should be the happiness of the entire family.  I may be mistaken, but the last time I checked we are trying to encourage the family lifestyle. It isn't about husband or wife being more powerful, or having control or "wearing the pants' . It is about encouraging wives to love their husbands and work through their problems for the sake of their families and their own sanity.

I look at some of the replies and they sound like feminist propaganda. There are some situations such as physical/serious verbal/sexual abuse where it is called for to advise professional help or to get out of the situation.

I want to know when it became a weak thing for women to trudge through the problems that will eventually come along in marriage. When has it become defiling to take care of your husband, picking up after him, making his meals cleaning his clothes and allowing him to relax after he is home from work? The work which puts the food in your mouths and the keyboard in front of you! The keyboard some of us use to bash our husbands.

I only encourage the moms here on cafe mom to be more positive in their replies.

 

You chose to get married, you chose to have kids. Your responsibiity is to your family.This is your life.

THE END

[joezette72]

Oct. 1, 2007 at 1:29 AM Great post!!  I to wonder about those things at times.  I don't have a husband but I cringe at the thought of ever having one and asking advise from my female friends about him.  I agree let us be more supportive in our responses to our fellow moms on CafeMom.

[BelysiaMommy]

Oct. 1, 2007 at 1:31 AM

I am so happy to see that someone agrees that we should be more encouraging to the stability of our friends lives!!!!!

(Original Poster)

[PerpetualPonder]

Oct. 1, 2007 at 1:39 AM

I pick and choose what I "trudge" thru as some days, yes, it is just a bad mood and I'm overreacting and I'll admit that. But I don't agree that a man who thinks he's responsible enough to get married should leave his dirty clothes on the floor.  I also think a lot of the complaints are from people who don't discuss this before living together. If both people agree on the woman doing everything for the man, fine - it works for my inlaws. In my house, we both work full time, my relaxing is just as important as his, and we both agreed on it before moving in together.

Instead of "putting the man in his place", I think we should all be advocating respectful communication between partners so that most needs are met for both people.

[BelysiaMommy]

Oct. 1, 2007 at 1:41 AM I definitey see your point, this post was more for stay at home moms. I apologize for any confusion. Two working parents is a COMPLETELY different story!  But that is a great point about problems due to lack of communication early on.

(Original Poster)

[PerpetualPonder]

Oct. 1, 2007 at 1:46 AM Hey, look! Respectful communication between two people..... Riot averted....:)

[Bundleofjoy]

Oct. 1, 2007 at 1:55 AM I know what your saying and i respect what you had to say but i am "one of those women" who have said hurtful things about my husband. I mean i dont like hurting him with my words and all but when your fed up where do you turn for support. That is what Cafemom is about right?support?im sorry if i offended you and im sorry that i have my days where im ready to scream because he changes the tv when im talking to him,he leaves things sitting around after telling me he'll pick it up,when he wants to sleep alot of our time together,when he gets onto me in those hinting ways about my smoking all the time anymore,when he yells at me when i havent hardly done anything to him. i do believe though that i should give him more credit and of course he doesnt beat me but maybe i should get more respect too. thanks for posting

[BelysiaMommy]

Oct. 2, 2007 at 12:02 AM

Yeah I know what you mean. But don't you see the difference in "Oh man my husband's being a friggin jerk today, what do I do? I wanna scream and kick and get on the floor and throw a fit" and

"My husband hasn't talked to me all night, and he left the bathroom a mess, I am getting tired of it and I want to leave him"

or other moms posting and advising women to leave their husbands or to give him an ultimatum for normal marriage problems?

I know what it is like to be frustrated, but I was dissapointed because there were not more constructive posts. I believe women deserve to be treated like queens, but life isn't perfect and we should not encourage disrespect or rage-filled reactions. If you posted that your husband was not talking to you and would rather watch TV I would give you constructive advice on how to get more bees with honey, I wouldn't tell you to go find someone else who would give you attention.  I see lots of responses like that. And am dissapointed.

And you totally did not offend me- I respect every opinion even if it differs from mine. Thanks for the perspective. I have to remember to be more specific when I post.

(Original Poster)

[VictoriasZEN]

Oct. 21, 2007 at 9:34 PM

To: BelysiaMommy  I love what you said, and you said it so eloquently.  You should be a spokeswoman for stay-at-homers.  The thigh that I've learned, talking to girlfriends, is that most men all do the same things!!! So leaving one man, you're going to end up with the same issues if you get remarried!!!!! 

I haven't heard of too many husbands who are perfect, not too many wives either.  Anyway, how can a relationship grow with out growing pains???

[BelysiaMommy]

Oct. 24, 2007 at 12:58 AM Thanks Victoria!  I have been trying to find a group that is specifically for working THROUGH problems and not trying to go around them. Know of one?

(Original Poster)