Getting ready for tomarrow

[Paula07]

My mind is swimming right now. I should be in bed, sound asleep, curled up with my smooshy pillow, dreaming. But instead I am sitting here with me heart thumping out of my chest. In a few hours I will be in court for the first "meeting" with the judge. My lawyer tells me its nothing formal and I shouldn't be worried. How am I not going to be worried. Or nervous for that matter. I have to sit in a courtroom along with my lawyer and my soon to be ex husband and his attorney. Letting the judge know where we are it in our divorce. I want to scream its a divorce how are we supposed to be!

I'm not sure what we are supposed to be negotiating at this point? My stbx has dictated everything about this divorce. He was the one that walked out, not me. So what if I was the one that started the paperwork. I did what he wanted, he told me that he didn't love me and that he couldn't stand to look at me. What am I supposed to do with that. If he can't say that there is even a shred of love there than there isn't anything that I can do about it.

He has sicne told me that he didn't want me to file, but I choice to do it. WTF is that. I wanted to scream at him, thinking back I think that I did. He stood right there and told me to do it, so we could get on with our lives. Maybe it was my pride telling my head what to do and not listening to me heart. I wanted him to be happy, and with that I gave him what I thought was going to make him happy. But no he has to go and tell me that he STILL doesn't know that he wants. I can't beg him anymore, I can't find anymore solutions to his problems.

I wish this was some horrible nightmare, and when I woke up tomarrow his stuff would be thrown about the room, and he would be on his way home. But as much as I want this, I can't make it happen! Do I want it to?

[bawgt1]

Oct. 2, 2007 at 2:47 AM Ity's not final until all the papers are signed and filed so what if everything else is done and he's just playing with your feeling by blaming you for filing the papers he just knows it'll throw your emotions into a tail spin and your thought into a bigger one which he will use to his advantage.  Hang in there girl and stay strong.

[Lb128f]

Oct. 2, 2007 at 11:25 AM Hope all goes well today and you can get some resolution to your feelings. Please post and let us know how things went for you! Good Luck!!

[used2Bcool]

Oct. 2, 2007 at 11:42 AM I totally understand why you filed, YOU HAVE PRIDE!!!  Good for you!  But it's not too late to undo what's been done IF you & he both want that.  As I type this, you've already been to court.  I hope it wasn't too stressful.  Thinkiing about you today...  Good luck Sweetie!