Dont judge ME because you dont know my situation.

[Shell875]

I am a mom of a three beautiful childre, one of them being a special needs child.  My 6 year old who is my youngest was in a car accident when he was 2 weeks old and as a result is diagnosed with tramatic brain injury.  I love him with all my heart but it is hard...

It is hard to feel like a bad mom all the time.  I am doing the best I can with the situation I am delt.  I am so nervous about going out in public because of all the stares and glares I get.  I feel embarrased because my son looks normal on the outside but is different on the inside.  He throws tantrums..very bad trantrums, he wears diapers, he cant speak much, he doesnt understand personal space.  I wish I could wear a shirt that said " Parent still in training of special needs child..please be patient with us"  I feel like I have to explain his situation all the time just so people will understand that I am not a bad person but it doesnt matter, people will think what they will.

People tell me all the time " dont worry what others think." But when you are the main attraction every where we go then it is kinda hard not to feel that way.

I took my kids bowling a few months ago because I wanted to get them out of the house.  I am unable to do that by myself because my son is getting so big and strong that I cant  deal with him by myself without my husband beause I am not strong enough, but I thought on this particular day I would try, well I took them bowling and all was fine until we left, my son flipped out and started slapping me, pulling my hair, he bit me, punched me, and kicked several times in the leg.  The whole bowling alley stopped and just watched my son beat me up.  Now you might think yeah right but if you saw a child acting like that you would stop and look to..I know i would, but it is not the looks that bother me but whats behind them.  That look that says I am a terrible mother to let my child be so out of control, the look that says "she's a embarrasment as a mother"

Sometimes I feel broken while the rest of the world is so well put together.  Think about what the other person might be going through before you pass judgememt on them.  I'm hurting right now but it will pass just like everything else and God will renew my Spirit once again but right now I just needed to vent..so thanks for listening.

[deadzend]

Oct. 11, 2007 at 1:23 AM My son is seven and is special.  besideds having a speech impairment he is also different in many ways to us.  So I feel for you.  I took my son by himself to his older sisters house.  Well there was a parade down the street where she lived.  So we walked down to see it.  Well it was under way pretty good so the streets were full.  I thought being ME that we could just stand behind and watch....NOPE he just walks his way up to the curb and sits down next to a MAN he does not know real close i might add and acts as though he new him like an uncle.  i tried to get him to come back but he was not having it.  he is 7 and a big boy.  so he talks to this guy and he is very nice to him.  helps him get candy throw to them and such.  I told the ladies in front of me in the chairs "He is easly adopted out....:  He just did not understand that what he was doing was Rude?  you know.  But I let him be himself and when the parade was done we ask the guy his name (He was with the ladies in the chairs) and said thank you for letting Sean sit with him.  I get alot of stares but I jsut smile and seems to not notice them so ........I feel for you.  love him......

[tatar]

Oct. 11, 2007 at 8:32 AM my friend, your post has brought tears to my eyes...I am in pain knowing both you and your child is going through such an ordeal...I am sorry that an accident that made your son to be what he is now have happened...I cannot even imagine how hard it is for both of you...I am constantly afraid everytime I go out of the house with my baby...I have been in a car accident once but thank God my baby was not with me...I know my words would not even help ease you in your situation right now but I know the Lord will. I will always keep you and your baby in my prayers. A prayer for you too for God to grant you more strength, patience and wisdom everyday...A mom like me with a normal baby loses my patience once in a while, what more you, who has a special needs child...I feel so sad upon reading your post but I thank you for sharing it.

[RobynS]

Oct. 11, 2007 at 9:18 AM

Stay strong! I can only imagine what you must feel every day. I know it's hard to ignore the judgment of others. Is there someone who can help? Therapy of some kind for your son? Counseling for you--maybe for the whole family? I'm afraid it's only going to become more difficult as he gets older (and bigger!) This is not something that anyone should have to do alone. We don't come equipped with all the knowledge we need as parents of 'regular' kids, much less special needs.

I'm so sorry your son was permanently damaged by the accident. What a terrible, terrible tragedy.

Hang in there. We're here for you!

[lillpop]

Oct. 11, 2007 at 9:33 AM

  After he is done with the tantrum , and they are all staring , turn to them and say , "he was in an accident and  has a disability " turn it around on them, then they can feel stupid.

  I am sorry you are dealing with this , but God picked you  to be the Mom of this special young man , that makes you special too .

 Hang in there , people are ignorant

[Desi_Momof4]

Oct. 11, 2007 at 10:43 AM Hey girl. I do understand where you are coming from. I've learned to just not even "see" other people around. I do care unfortunately what other people think and it hurts when other people are staring at you like you're an incapable mother. Especially when you feel like an incapable mother. We do the best we can with what we're given. We only have two hands. We have special children. Their understanding is not to the same level as "average" children. If you feel the need to explain to others, then do so, but I usually figure, "well we'll probably never see that person again anyway so why does it matter?" Sometimes I just throw out there... "He's Autistic." But then people feel sorry for you and your child and I don't exactly appreciate that either. Anytime you need a friend I'm here to talk. Just keep on doing what you're doing. You know you're the best mother your children could ever have.

[MemawBrie]

Oct. 11, 2007 at 11:56 AM

Your journal really touched me, I have a 1 yo grandson who was born with Down Syndrome so I can understand how hard people's stares can be. You know what I do when ppl stare? I snuggle my grandson even closer and kiss on him looking at him with pride and joy! There are always going to be people who don't have the brains God gave them and will make fools of themselves staring. I know it's hard not to worry about what others think, just know that your precious son has more going for him than all of those staring ppl put together. I don't believe in accidents or coincidences. God allows things to happen for reasons we may never know. Only He, in His infinite wisdom, knows whatever He allows, He will give you the grace and courage to handle. I don't mean to preach or Bible thump at you, however I want to share this verse with you..."And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose." Romans 8:28

Next time anybody stares, just love that punkin up all the more and know that God has entrusted you with a special needs child because He has a wonderful plan in store for both of you. You are blessed!

[LYNDELOU]

Oct. 11, 2007 at 12:34 PM

I 100% agree with what Lillpop said....It's a great way to turn the tables around on them , then they have to walk away feeling like an idiot....Your a special person - My oldest sister has a special needs child from birth and has been dealing with people's ignorance now for 22 years ( he is now 22 )...Same thing happens to her , because he is special..She now feel's that she was chosen for a reason to be his mother and doesn't care anymore what people think or say or how they react..

I hope in time you can find away to put people in their place and not even think twice about the stare's, glare's , glances , and ignorant comments people have to say...your NOT a bad mother...There must be something pretty special about YOU that you have this special child..

Thought's , hugs , and prayer's headed your way..

[foofoomommy]

Oct. 11, 2007 at 12:59 PM I think lillpop said it the best!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  God will give you the strengh sweetie.  I sooo feel for you and will keep you and your family in my prayers. 

[shannonjarrod]

Oct. 11, 2007 at 1:01 PM

 

Praying that your strength will be rejuvenated... 

[8sweetpea]

Oct. 11, 2007 at 3:07 PM I can only imagine your frustration and stress honey:(  I think lollipop had good advice. I would rather say something, not because you have to justify anything but so people will understand. Oh honey, you are a strong woman and a great mommy- you've got to know that, your family and friends know it! I am proud of you! God bless and take care! BIG HUG!