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"Finger Cutters"
- Oct 15, 2007 at 9:51 PM
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- Comments (20) Total Views (305) Everyone can see this journal post.
Hola me amigos. First day of work went great. The day sailed right by! Not because I was having fun necessarily, but because I was so damn busy. When we got there in the morning, we filled out all our paperwork and all that jazz. The highlight of my morning though, was having to sit through a stupid video about box cutter safety. WTF? Ya mean people actually need step by step instructions on how to operate a razor blade safely? Do they also need people to thump them on the back and remind them to breathe? Good Lord! Now, yall know me... and when I find something horrendously funny, I have a hard time keeping my wits about myself. The first thing that made me snort was when the narrator of the video told us that we sould not call them box cutters... no! They are to be known as "finger cutters." I almost lost it right there. I could feel the giggles tearing at my diaphragm. Then it showed a montage of morons using box cutters the wrong way. My sides are hurting... bad. My face is now red from stifling giggles, and I'm convulsing from inner laughter. Then they went as far as to say that misusing a box cutter is what's known as an "unsafe act." Well no shit. Really? Ya think, Einstein? And here I always thought it was common practice to play Russian roulette with my fingers.... ehhhh. I had to bury my face in my hands when they said, "Most finger cutter accidents occur because of something you DID or DIDN'T do." Well if that doesn't confuse the already overzealous finger-filleting maniacs, I don't know what would. Seriously... watching this vid was like playing a round of "Make Me Laugh" and I damn near didn't make it. Yall don't know how hard it is for an epic wisecracker like me to sit through something like that without firing off like a cannon. That's seven painful minutes of my life that I won't get back, too. When it was over, all I could say was, here's your sign...
Anyhoo, laughapalooza aside, the rest of the day went by quick and easy. I traded off between picking and packing orders. The picking is great- you're up walking around, getting some exercise. The packing is killer on the back though. I spent a good long while hunched over stuffing boxes and envelopes, giggling randomly every time I saw somebody carrying "finger cutters" in their pockets, cuz in the video they also said that was a no-no. They even made some kind of stupid ha-ha about it on the video, but all I could think of was workplace vasectomy... huh huh. Again, the giggles were doing a number on my poor ribs over that one. My neighbors probably thought I was nuts.
Apparently finger cutters aren't the only deadly obstacle for the less-than-scholarly... there is this looooong conveyor belt that carries our orders down to the shipping area. the way it winds around, you have to walk all the way around it to get to the place on the other side of it- two feet from where you're standing. There is actually a short ladder about three feet tall attached firmly to it so you can climb over the belt, but they removed the privelege of convenience because too many people were "falling down and hurting themselves." I just smacked my forehead in defeat. It takes all kinds, I guess. If it's not finger cutters, it's foot tanglers. Heeeeere's your sign...
I didn't make any new friends yet. I sat by myself in a corner and gawked at the overpriced snacks in the vending machines, all anti-social like. Maybe I was tired... maybe I was moody... or maybe I thought I wouldn't be able to hold a conversation without laughing like a maniac in the middle of it when revisiting mental pictures of killer ladders and box cutters with a taste for finger meat... I dunno. Maybe I'll be sunnier tomorrow...
Comments:
Take photos of the digits dude...just in case you have an incident with a finger cutter we can all say we knew her when........
Hey... remember....
There are worse things than cutting off your finger. Or tangling your feet.
When I think of them, I will let you know. Until then, don't use your finger cutter indiscriminately. You could put your eye out! Oh, hey, there it is! That's far worse than cutting off your finger, right? Cause unless you're some freakish person, you only have two eyes. And if you cut off a finger, you have, like, nine more. Unless you're one of THOSE that doesn't consider a thumb a finger. Then you're screwed, for sure, cause according to you, you'll only have seven fingers instead of nine. And that would suck. But that's still better than just having one eye.
Yup, good thing they made you watch that video! Cause who knows what kinda hi-jinks you woulda got up to then!
Glad to hear you've still got all 10 fingers. Good luck tomorrow--hope you bring all your fingers home!
All I have to say is only you, only you Jen.
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