I HAD THE MEANEST MOTHER IN THE WORLD.
WHILE OTHER KIDS HAD CANDY FOR BREAKFAST, I HAD TO EAT CEREAL,EGGS,AND TOAST.
WHILE OTHER KIDS HAD CAKES AND CANDY FOR LUNCH, I HAD A SANDWICH. AS YOU CAN GUESS MY DINNER WAS DIFFERENT FROM OTHER KIDS DINNERS, TOO. MY MOTHER INSISTED ON KNOWING WHERE WE WERE AT ALL TIMES. YOU'D THINK WE WERE ON A CHAIN GANG OR SOMETHING. SHE HAD TO KNOW WHO OUR FRIENDS WERE AND WHAT WE WERE DOING.
I AM ASHAMED TO ADMIT IT, BUT SHE ACTUALLY HAD THE NERVE TO BREAK THE CHILD LABOR LAW. SHE MADE US WORK! WE HAD TO DO THE DISHES, MAKE THE BEDS, AND LEARN HOW TO COOK. THAT WOMAN MUST HAVE STAYED AWAKE NIGHTS THINKING UP THINGS FOR US KIDS TO DO.
AND SHE INSISTED WE TELL THE TRUTH, THE WHOLE TRUTH, AND NOTHING BUT THE TRUTH. BY THE TIME WE WERE TEENAGERS, SHE WAS MUCH WISER, AND OUR LIVES BECAME MORE UNBEARABLE. NONE OF THIS TOOTING THE CAR HORN FOR US TO COME RUNNING; SHE EMBARRESED US TO NO BY INSISTING THAT FRIENDS COME TO THE DOOR TO GET US. I FORGOT TO MENTION THAT MOST OF OUR FRIENDS WERE ALLOWED TO DATE AT THE MATURE AGE OF 12 OR 13, BUT OUR OLD-FASHIONED MOTHERREFUSED TO LET US DATE UNTIL WE WERE 16. SHE REALLY RAISED A BUNCH OF SQUARES. NONE OF US WERE EVER ARRESTED FOR SHOPLIFTING OR BUSTED FOR DOPE.
AND WHO DO WE HAVE TO THANK FOR THIS? YOU'RE RIGHT OUR MEAN MOTHER. I AM TRYING TORAISE MY CHILDREN TOSTAND A LITTLE STRAIGHTER AND TALLER, AND I AM SECRETLY TICKLED TO PIECES WHEN MY CHILDREN CALL ME MEAN.
I THANK GOD FOR GIVING ME THE MEANEST MOTHER IN THE WORLD. OUR COUNTRY DOESN'T NEED A GOOD FIVE- CENT CIGAR: IT NEEDS MORE MEAN MOTHERS LIKE MINE.
BLESSINGS ON THAT WONDERFUL WOMAN
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