Things aren't good between me and CJ this week.  I really try hard to maintain my patience and speak in an even tone of voice, but the child really has driven me almost over the edge.  There's only so much not following directions, ignoring directions, negotiating to get out of punishment, laughing at discipline that one can take.  He's usually a pretty good kid. We've had some rough patches since October, but he really was doing better. Things were going so good.  I just feel awful because I walked away from him tonight when he was crying in bed saying how much he wanted me to come back.  I felt nothing. NOTHING. How can a  mother feel nothing when her child cries???  I couldn't even bring myself to give him a hug and a kiss.  I feel like crap. 

Not only do I feel like crap about this, I also have to follow through on taking away most of his toys.  He told me he didn't care if I took them which pissed me off even more.  DH stopped and bought boxes after work and tomorrow I'll be packing the toys up. We decided that this was the best course of action. Something needs to get through to him. 

And I need to find a chill pill because I seriously don't know what's wrong with me this week.  I have zero patience.  Usually I'm pretty good, but I don't know what's going on.  I'm really off from my norm and its not pretty.  So not only do I feel like a horrible mother, I also just feel horrible.

Woohoo..happy valentine's to me.   Ya whatever. 

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Comments:

amypoe
Feb. 14, 2007 at 11:58 PM dont feel like that. you just need a mommy time out. take some time to yourself and you will see yourself in a different light

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pilgr...
Feb. 15, 2007 at 12:29 AM

Yeah, I agree... you need time to yourself.... 

My cousin had a little boy that drove her CRAZY.... Screamed, cried, threw fits.....   When it got really bad, she use to turn his playpen upside down (so he was safe and couldn't get out)  then she would walk out of the room and close the door, get herself a cup of tea... sit down and put her feet up..    

Now some people might say that was a horrible thing to do... but she kept her sanity and he learned that throwing fits/constant screaming didn't get the results he wanted and he eventually quit.... I call that - "creative motherhood"

 

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roesolo
Feb. 15, 2007 at 5:58 PM

You poor thing.  I know how hard it is; Alex has been feeling some wild oats lately, too.   You're not a horrible mother.  You're a great mom - you know why?  First off, because it's bothering you that this happened.  If you didn't give a damn about feeling nothing - that's when you should be concerned about yourself.  You have the werewithal to know you're 'off', and you're working to make it right.  You're a great mom for knowing that, and don't you dare think otherwise or let anyone tell you otherwise.

I've gotten to know you over the last year and you're such a good mom.  You love CJ so much.  You're going through a rough patch right now, and it will pass.  You're allowed to have these kinds of feelings too; they're not just relegated to preschoolers.  You're human.  Hang in there, ok?  I've got your back.

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