Autistic Meltdowns ARE NOT Temper Tantrums!!!!

[ZsMommy]

 

Imagine if you were dropped in a a foreign land. You didn't speak the language-the people did not speak your language.
You learn enough to get around-such as the need to eat,the need to go to the bathroom,but you still struggled with understanding what people were saying to you.
Imagine this is your day-every day-you're stranded-you cannot leave this country-people struggle to understand you. Deep down you know ou are very intelligent-but you just can't get your point across.
You scream,you cry,you lose yourself in frustration. You babble things that you've heard,over and over-just to try to console yourself.You at times have even become hysterical. Then you draw into yourself-don't speak-can't speak.

WELCOME TO A MELTDOWN IN THE WORLD OF A CHILD WITH AUTISM...
It's horrible,frightenening,heartbreaking.

It breaks your heart as a parent  because as of the present moment in time there is no cure-no quick fix pill for Autism.

1 in 150 children(1 in 97 boys) are born daily with some form of autism-or are diagnosed-as the signs usually don't appear til later,often starting around 15months (as with our daughter) but by age three-the signals are usually pronounced and noticeble as "something's not right"-be it delay in speech-social interaction-reaction to the world around the child.

I didn't "ask" for a child with special needs. I "did" all the right things during pregnancy.
And yet-we do not have what the world considers "perfect"-though in our case-what our daughter lacks-she makes up for in other areas-such as politeness,eagerness to learn and simple joy in the world around her.She may not be able to speak as those the same age,but she has a purpose in this world-it's just trying to unlock her potential.

There still are days I break down and cry(though I've adapted to handling and diffusing even preventing meltdowns much better as each year passes)-there's days I come across as "tough love" because I refuse to allow my childs autism to swallow her up. When she babbles to console herself I find myself snapping(verbally)-this may seem like I'm snapping at my daughter-but I'm snapping at "the Autism"-as if it was an entity trying to devour my child-take her by the hand-lead her away to a world that we will no longer be able to communicate with her-When I snap-it's a matter of BACK OFF-SHE's OURS!!! In fact-that usually breaks the thought process of the babble-and I "get" my loving little girl back-she may seem shaken up for the moment-but she's "our little girl".

This "disorder" is robbing us of our children-We MUST fight back-though it may seem like fighting in the dark. Eventually we will strike what it is that attempts to destroy us.

To all-Take care and God Bless.

(Original words/Written by H.Remaly/Nov 2006/Screen name Zsmommy)

(NOTE: I originally wrote this as a blog on my myspace in Nov 2006 after my daughter had her first major public meltdown in kindergarten...so bad she hid under a desk and we were called to come retrieve her...The words above were my way of coping that night. Once again-Thank you for taking the time to read and better understand what our kids go through.Meltdowns are surrounded in fears and worries locked within one's own mind...Tantrums are based upon "want" and a "me me me" frame of mind....Please do not assume every child you see is just behaving poorly in a selfish tantrum...)

PS...To anyone interested ....I have two other journals on the topic of AUTISM...Please visit my profile and view my journals (you must click "view all" to see the second (original) Autism journal)....Thanks again...Heids

[psumom5]

Oct. 23, 2007 at 6:13 AM

Wow...I'm sitttng here crying. Heids...you out did yourself this time.  I'm just in "awe" . I hope people read this.  This is what our life is EVERY day.  You just did an amazing job!

THANK YOU!!!

 

[123kat]

Oct. 23, 2007 at 7:08 AM Well said, Heids!  Keep up the good work!!

[XSPECTRUMKAREN]

Oct. 23, 2007 at 8:23 AM

I'll second that, Heids. And I'll add that Autism robs our children of themselves. My ds is very creative, but when he shuts down, checks out or whatever, then all of that is lost. He's happy when he's writing and drawing. He's miserable when his obsessions take charge. It's a battle that we'll never give up until we win.

[boosma]

Oct. 23, 2007 at 9:23 AM

That's beautiful and so true Heidi. Thanks for sharing. I think it's my turn to sit in a corner and cry today. Talk to ya tomorrow.

Kathy

[Mom2PunkRockers]

Oct. 23, 2007 at 9:25 AM Meltdowns, if i had a dollar for every time someone thought it was their business to interviene in a public meltdown i would be a rich woman. They always do it in the worst way possible by jeering , yelling or making rude comments. I am so grateful for the dog that we are getting on thiursday , because it will make my life so much easier. Hopefully if we have public meltdowns in the future , the dog will stop them cold. Heidi , as always my friend, as always , you have pulled all of our thoughts and feelings out of your head and put them down for everyone to see and experiance. You have a gift my friend.

[PresidentCross]

Oct. 23, 2007 at 9:52 AM

Well, after having a bad morning with my Noah and probably one of our worst before school meltdowns yet, it was comforting to read this. 

This was very well written.  You're a good writer Heids!  ~Lori  :-} 

[trenneacia]

Oct. 23, 2007 at 12:19 PM wonderful post!!

[marikomat]

Oct. 23, 2007 at 2:09 PM

Zsmommy said, "Meltdowns are surrounded in fears and worries locked within one's own mind...Tantrums are based upon "want" and a "me me me" frame of mind....Please do not assume every child you see is just behaving poorly in a selfish tantrum...)"

So perfectly analyzed and perfectly put.  Thanks you!

[jennient3]

Oct. 23, 2007 at 6:32 PM

Thats right, get the word out!! So wonderfully said. I hope this opens peoples eyes!!

jennie

[bugsandpirates]

Oct. 23, 2007 at 10:16 PM Wow.  I feel like I just connected with someone.  My son is not diagnosised with Autism.  He is not even diagnosised with Autistic like symptoms.  He is reading, writing, & speaking very well.  But the meltdowns he has because he has trouble communicating his thought process is sometimes unbearable.  And when you say, "I find myself snapping at the Autism itself" , this is where I find myself snapping at his emotional issues.  He screams & yells my exact words to me.  "No more talking, no more hitting, no more yelling."  I am always telling him that he can not yell, or keep talking or he will hit me."  Its so exhausting, when he has a meltdown.  He used to babble, but once he got speech therapy during his 4 1/2 to 5 1/2 years, he was talking in complete sentences & infering stories, etc.  He's normal academically but emotional he just doesn't seem to get it.  He does know there is a right and wrong way to act but has difficulty separating the two at times (like the school bus).  He is social but sometimes has the under confidence to just sit down with a group.  Once he is in, he is okay.  I just wanted you & all the posts that your definitions of meltdowns and tantrums have helped me understand him more.  I am not saying I am grateful for not having an autistic child but I am also exhausted having an over emotional NT child.  The grass is not greener on either sides.  It is what it is and we have to deal and love the child that we have, no matter what there issues are.  Thank you.