I need your help everyone...............

[morena24]

I am a single mother of 2 boys. Luis is 7 and Oscar will be 4 in Dec. My oldest son stays with my mom during the week, to go to a better school. So Oscar is the only one with me during the week. I am having so much trouble with him. He doesnt want to listen to me. He can get very angery. He gets mad and starts to kick things, throw things basically you name it. Lately he has been saying things like "I hate you", "F*** You", "dont talk to me" just some to name. It just seems like I cant control him. Right now we live with my grandparents. My grandmother watches him while I am at work. I have tried to enroll him into school but he is on the headstart waiting list. Today I stoped at a Day Care facility to check it out. Everything looks good and have even checked some refrences. I guess basically what can I do to get him to listen to me and others. See another thing is that he goes to his dads everyother weekend. When he is at his dads they let him do what he wants and give him what he wants. Somebody please I need your help..............................

[rrnb2]

Oct. 26, 2007 at 3:02 PM He could be going through a phase or there could be something else that is bothering him.  Plus the fact that he gets to do whatever he wants while at his Dad's is going to make everything you do much harder. Can you talk to his Dad and tell him the problems your having and see if you can come to an agreement on how to handle him. IF not you need to come up with a way to discipline that your comfortable with and stick to that. There is a book out there that is called "the Strong Willed Child" it's a good read and has some good suggestions. I have the hardest times with my oldest at times but I just have to be the "meanie" and stick to my guns so to speak.  Hope you can get to the bottom of it!

[MichellesTiaLia]

Oct. 27, 2007 at 11:31 PM They really do understand even at a young age.  Set him down and talk to him, ask him for help, and let him know it is hard for you to do it alone.  Tell him you would like his help and explain what you would like him to do and ask him if he thinks he can do that, and it would be a really big help to you if he did.  Also spend one on one time with him, even just 5 minutes at night reading together.  Tell him it is your special time together.  He really needs to know that you love him and will be there for him no matter what anyone else tells him.  Make this a habit, good habits stick just like bad ones are hard to break.  He may just be scared.  Even when he does something wrong, just sitting down and talking about it rather than getting mad and yelling will get through to him and he won't have the anger that he had.

[rosie_joeysmom]

Oct. 29, 2007 at 12:53 AM I know its hard for anyone to accept change in their lives and it seems that your son is not liking the change, I am currently going thru the same with my very verbal 3 year old son, he is asking why his daddy doesn't live with us and I just say that he is working far away. he is also doing the acting up and kicking and saying bad words to me and all I do is hug him and tell him that I love him, I know that might be hard to start doing but I noticed that the acting up stops quickly, also I find one day out of the week and go on a mommy and son date for dinner and he really enjoys that. Well I hope my little ideas works, take care and hang in there.

[latinpagirl]

Oct. 29, 2007 at 9:46 AM It seems like he is taking his frustration out on you.  His world is very chaotic even if you think its not, his brother is not around often, Dad seems to be tolerating his bad behavior, staying with grandma during the day ...it's not like a set schedule.  Kids need to know their limits and with Dad being no help, then its up to you.  I believe that if you spent time with him just the two of you, get out of the house and spend some time at the park or even just taking a walk, that alone time will mean the world to him, kids  at his age really know alot evenif you think he may not understand.  Talk to him and see if you can get him to open up.   Once you get him into daycare hopefully that will help.  They teach them alot and being around other kids that will help to get some of his energy out.          

[StarMoon]

Oct. 29, 2007 at 7:46 PM

I can relate to your son not listening because I have problems with that as well. However, I do believe in spanking my son when he does something that is totally unacceptable and out of control. I also use time out or taking something away from him that he enjoys playing with, watching, etc. I have always talked to him like a big boy and tell him how disappointed I am in his behavior and with my son, he always want to make mommy happy with what he does. I taught him that showing negative behavior you can't have fun or do fun things, positive behavior you can. And he is such a happy little boy, he loves to have fun. It is also true that the father really needs to help you with setting boundaries with him and not letting him do whatever,  because the things we teach them now will carry on throughout their life and as teens and adults, negative behavior can lead to jail or consequences that as parents we don't want to see our children go through. I do like the idea of asking him to be your big helper and tell him what you want him to do as far as his behavior. Also it is good for him to be around other kids because he may be lonely. My son is an only child but he has attened learning centers and headstart all his life. Headstart of course began last year and now he is in preschool. It will not happen over night but you must start somewhere and start now showing him who is in control. YOU are in control not him and it sounds like he may have the control right now! I am not trying to sound offensive but we cannot be afraid to discipline our children and it doesn't have to be spanking if that is not what you believe in but some kind of discipline that will carry over in teenage and adulthood.