my son

[mx2kcd]

my son has been a real handfull lately i do not know what to do...he is a special child a choice spirit but he is not as bad as some and i am so glad that he is not...i do not think i could handle it, if he was.  he was born 4.5 pounds and 16 inches long, they say he was full term, but i think they made a mistake...he is finally starting to put on weight...he is 51 pounds and some...he is 6 going on 7.  He is about a foot shorter then he needs to be, well maybe not that short...but his 4 year old cousin is almost as big as him...
the doctors thought that he would be fine...even though his heartbeat had reapetly stop and started up again...it was an emergency c-section...a week before they said he was due...they said that he would be 7 pounds and 18 inches long...when they opened me up the doctor was so surprised that he actually swore...
It took me 6 years for him to be dignosed as adhd, but ever since his age 2 we know something was wrong...it took forever for him to learn to talk...even now he is not that good of a talker....i do not thind he knows half as many words as he should...soonerstart started to come see him at the age of 2...they noticed that he was developmentally behind other kids his age...about 1 year behind...he started school at 3 for special classes hoping that it would allow him to catch up...did not work...he is 1-3 years behind everyone else...so far we know that he is adhd, has learning probems and is develpmentally behind...we suspect and have been suspecting for along time that there is even more wrong with him...we my family and the teachers think that he shows some charactices of autrism...i am trying to get him tested for that and for spd...which is sensory prection disorde...i have him on medicine...it works some he has improved allot but his attidude to me, his brother, and others sucks big time...lots of time i have my hands full with him, he doesn't seem to know how to treat others...sometimes he gets so wild and out of control that i have to hold him tight and not let go...even though he is trying to bite me and kick me and hit me...i have to hold on until he is crying...and wants me to hold him....then i know that he will be okay...i have allready applied to ssi, but they deneid me...saying that he could function in society...that was over a 1 and a half ago...i have seen reapplied for ssi and this time they say he might get it...then i could afford a tutor for him to help him learn...but what if he can't i want him to go on a mission, to go to college and to have a good life...am i'm just a failure as a mom, i can not get through to him...it was hard when i was married...now it is even harder since i am a single mom...there dad never comes around...even when i was married to him he was never around, but atleast they got to see him once a day, every day, well almost ever day...now he never shows up or calls them...to make matters worse collin says he wants to live with his dad...he thinks that his dad will play with him all day long(his dad would hardly ever be there, his grandma would be but she should be in an oldfolks home...she can barley take care of herself)but he would get one on one attention...with me...he has his brother to contend with(his brother is 20 months old)and i am going to college when he is in school, and studing when i am home...i play with them both, watch tv with them, and i try to clean house...i run out of time...but i do my best...i guess i can set aside quailty time with him...i am trying to do that...i am allways giving him a hug and a kiss and telling him that i love him...maybe in time it will sink in and he'll finally understand that i love him...

please can anyone help me tell me what to do...

 

 

[mamacoleman]

Oct. 28, 2007 at 1:48 AM

Oh sweet heart!  I wasn't aware that you live with such struggles.

By no means are you a failure.  We have to take what we are given and try our best with it, and I know you are trying your best.... and that will always be enough.  Your children are lucky to have you.

I think it is a natural attachment that makes children want to be with their parents.... both of them.  I also think it is natural for the gender to influence who they want to be with, father's & son's; mother's & daughter's.  I am afraid this will be something that will be a struggle for some time to come.  Unfortunately there just isn't anyway to make a child understand.  He will remember and believe what he wants to, to make himself feel better, and it probably won't end until he reaches a far more progressive level in maturity.

Let me know if there is anything I can do!  Luv ya gurly!

Angie

[crogers32]

Nov. 2, 2007 at 10:20 AM

I'm so sorry you are having to go through this!  I think we all have struggles we have to go through even though they are different kinds of struggles.  You may be going through this to someday help someone else who has the same problem.  I've found that to be the case with lots of the things I've gone through in my life.  You get wiser every day.  You are a good mother and never tell yourself or let anyone tell you otherwise.  Just caring enough to write on here for help shows that.  I think we all have to do our best with what we have.  There is no instruction manual or exact right or wrong way to handle things.  We just have to play it by ear, so to speak.  I'll be praying for you!

Love ya!

Crystal